#9.11.2017

[vollkommenokayy]

good night ✨

[humanafterallithink]

[rebelxnation-blog1]

[sidoodled]

//Might leave for awhile

Recently I’ve been going through so phases where I watch something, then i start to act like the character i like most in the series, and after it ends, i go into a state of mindless sadness, and usually i’ll vent to someone because my mindless depression targets something has damaged my life, and in almost all cases, its been about my dad...but.. that only makes things worse. As soon as i finish my vent. I regret speaking because it makes the person im venting to sad and/or depressed. And. my girlfriend angeredirken03 can confirm this...and im very sorry for it...its always my last resort...I’ll cry for hours...eventually vent to her...end up make her end up feeling bad after i regret venting...I end up feeling like  jerk. I get offline. and i just sob more...sometimes i regret my life choices...and sometimes i wish for things that can’t be brought to life. Seeing my friends. Being productive in life.. being able to really feel loved happiness without some sort of support from someone...Im a lost cause. And i’ve accepted it. But it seems nobody can ever agree with that. Well...Im sure haters could. but i dont see many...In fact i haven't ever gotten hate before....Is that really a good thing though? ... just..nevermind. I wont be on tumblr..I wont be on skype...i wont be on discord...i might be on deviant art, but im still not sure...either way. I dont care anymore...I need to stop showing negative emotion towards my life causing others to be brought down with me...How do I stop that from happening?..dont say anything at all.. but who knows. I might come back tomorrow...maybe the day after..maybe even next week. who knows. and i know people will probably care. but any care towards me. is care wasted that could have been used on someone better. not some sad sack of sh*t who had there normal life destroys by a single person that they trusted and loved so much.. I should have listened...I should have listened to Bend...to my mom...to my grandparents...my father was NOT a good person...and he did this to me...So now. After all i’ve done because of what he did. Im going to stop. I’m going to stop going to people for emotional support. For advise of how to make myself feel better. Im just. going. to STOP....

[ignis-et-equi]

Really craving a long make out and heavy petting session. I haven't gotten laid in 3½ months, but I want that more than sex.

[sixtydaychips]

[prosy-days]

November 9, 2017 - Day 143

I should probably buy some new tights.

[sabbatical51]

12. Tag - Annapurna Trek (16km, ca 4100 m Höhe)

Bin heute vom Tilicho Base Camp nach Yak Kharka gewandert und damit wieder auf der Hauptroute des Annapurna Wanderweges. Mann könnte es auch fast Zielgerade nennen, denn bis zum Thorong La Pass sind es gerade mal noch 12 km, aber auch 1400 m Anstieg. Diese Etappe werde ich mir in 2 Tage aufteilen - Freitag ist also der Tag der grossen Herausforderung. Nach meiner gestrigen kurzen Schwächephase geht es mir heute wieder besser. Zumindest habe ich die halbe Nacht geschlafen, was schon mal einen Unterschied macht. Auf dem sehr schönen Weg heute, welcher fast kontinuierlich auf 4000 m Höhe entlang ging, habe ich einige schwer beladene Träger Kolonnen überbolt. Diese tragen nun die Sachen von Touristen durch die Gegend. So richtig gut finde ich das immer noch nicht, auch weil man den Trägern die Anstrengung wirklich ansieht. Nun ja, ich will ja nicht urteilen uud finde Träger für Camping Expeditionen durchaus sinnvoll und notwendig. Aber auf den Annapurna Trek sollte man sein Zeugs doch selber tragen können. Viel mehr gibt es heute nicht zu berichten. Wer sich wundert, wie ich hier die Abende verbringe, nun ja, oft in einem Essraum, wo ein Ofen steht der auch abends mal etwas angefeuert wird. Nun gibt es in dieser Höhenlage nicht viel Brennmaterial, so dass sich die Heizzeit auf 1-2 Stunden beschränkt. Meine Reiseliteratur ist aktuell das Buch "Homo Deus" - eine Reflektion der Entwicklung der Menschheit. Schon sehr interessant.

Today was a rather long day for me. The hike from Tilicho Base Camp to a small village Yak Kharka took almost 7 hours. Now I am back on the main track and the Thorong La pass is definitely in sight and most likely in everbody's mind. It's just 12 km and an ascent of 1400 m away, but I will split it into 2 days. So, Friday will be the most challenging day of my trek. After my little crash yesterday I feel much better today and I was able to sleep for a few hours last night, which helps a lot. The trail today was beautiful - hovering just at 4000 m elevation with spectacular views over the mountain ranges. I passed a few porter troupes with heavy loads today, they all carry stuff of tourists or wannabe trekkers. I am not sure if this is ok. I think porters are necessary and justified for camping expeditions, where one has to carry a lot of gear. But not so much on the Annapurna Trek, where one "just" strolls from one Hotel to the next. Why carry 20 kg for that?  So, what do I do in the evenings? Well, usually I spent time in the "dining hall" where there is a stove, which is heated for 1-2 hours. There is not much fuel up here and I can see that the hosts try to save on the little wood they have. My book of choice for this trek is "Homo Deus" (thanks Mike!), which reflects on our species and where we have come so far. Quite an interesting read!