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devonwerkharder “wishing for you all spaciousness and clarity ••• what’s on your mind? • live just chatting on Twitch tonight at 5 pm PST link in bio”
December 9, 2020 - Day 173
I’m utterly delighted by these foldable scissors that I got from Knit Picks.
NO STAMINA
Date: 9 December 2020
Duration: 35 minutes at 10:04 pm
Depth:
How shrunk my duration is tonight! This isn’t nice. I don’t like it. I had ‘surrender’ to a degree but there was no ‘duration’. I shook quite a bit. The meaning of Hong Sau was lost but it was uttered by my mind correctly. Also, the shaking made my body feel hot. I felt cool the moment I stopped meditating.
Now.. i see what the meaning of Rumor Has It
I get painfully homesick around this season, especially since I got to visit Massachusetts earlier this year, reminding me of how great it was up there. I nearly cried when it was time to leave. There’s nothing like autumn in New England, but here I am, stuck in Alabama.
I miss the crisp air. I miss going outside, and not feeling like I just stepped into a sauna. I hate that so much humidity blows through the door when I open it just a crack to let the neighbor’s cats in (they’re essentially our cats now). I see people online talking about how the leaves are changing color where they live, but here in Alabama, it’s still the same. Summer doesn’t really end here until late November. And even then, it just abruptly becomes “winter”.
I miss living in the forest. I miss having my neighbors well over 500 feet from my house. I miss the twisting, narrow roads. I miss all the stone architecture, including those unsettling, scattered stone fences in the woods not barricading anything (fairly certain they’re there to differentiate between different properties, but it’s still weird).
I feel like my life is on hold until I get out of here. I’ve given the south ten years, and I’m sick of it (although I do appreciate how no one stares at me around here. The way Connecticuters stare makes me feel like some kinda zoo animal).
