Sep 26, 2018
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seen from Poland
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a pause, not a year
S and I are taking a break. It’s temporary while I’m away and working on myself. He was super articulate and made it very clear why he suggested it. I don’t have time for being fully committed to treatment & recovery AND giving emotional energy and time to our relationship, and he told me he doesn’t want me to have to pick and he’s not blaming me whatsoever, but that regardless it’s difficult for him and feel shitty. He articulated multiple times that it was intended to be temporary and that he was not attempting to get out of the relationship in a backhanded way (a concern I had given past experience) and that he intended on still communicating with me and such while I was away. There were a lot of words, each carefully picked, and I honestly can’t even do them justice in a paragraph online, but I can say that I 100% believe that he has no foul intentions whatsoever and that his intentions are completely positive. He cares deeply about me but is also looking out for himself in realizing that I am unable to be emotionally (or physically) present in the relationship.
I’d also like to note that it wasn’t his decision alone. It was his suggestion, but he wanted my opinion, and he left the final decision up to me. Emotionally, I don’t want a break, but my wise mind knows that he is right and that a break would be best for both of us.
Anyways, I am still sad regardless. Today would’ve been one year. He told me we could wait in order to have dated a year, but I felt like that was a silly reason to wait and would taint the milestone.
Part of me feels as though this is yet another thing my eating disorder has stolen from me. But, I think it’s fair to say that this is not something my ED has yet stolen. The relationship is not over--just paused, and if I continue healing, he will be there for me (and me for him).
5 days free!!!
Aaahhhhhhhhhh
Thursday through Monday----
The next 5 days I have NO errands *yay.*
NO meetings *yay*
NO household this or that *yay*
Just pajamas, my kids, hot tea and ART.
Alllllll the art!
Art art art art art
Did I say that loud enough?
ALLLLLLL THE ARTING!
I worked myself to exhaustion today in order to be able to have these next 5 days free of all that other stuff....so now I'm going to bed!
Night night lovely ones!
"Shop Talk"
Random details at LLO. (9.26.18)
Moderation over Deprivation
Moderation over Deprivation
When you want to lose weight or eat less of something, I️ bet the first thing that pops into your head is to never eat it/buy it again. For most people this is not realistic! Those of you with strong willpower I️ applaud you! For those who lack that strong willpower like myself it’s ok! A word you want to get used to though, is MODERATION.
When you deprive yourself of something, you tend to think of it more often. You then eventually cave in and end up binging. This is not good for you or your body. So instead of completely giving up that dessert, potato chip, french fry, etc., that you like to have; make it something special to have every so often.There is a huge difference in having that item every night and having that item less frequently. Choose moderation over deprivation and treat yourself every once in a while!
Tan France has my heart because of how openly undignified his all-caps thirst comments are on Antoni Porowski’s instagram photos
thanks to all my friends outside of work, too!! couldn’t have made it this far w/o you guys 💞 (chance, lauren, kenny, kaitlyn, rebecca, ced -can’t remember ur guys’ urls 😭), @thanatography, @getoffmydamn-lawn, @snauce, @wulfwire, @ghost-fist, @lilartthings
Did quite a bit of work in my Book of Shadows today, copying down The Wiccan Rede, as well as the Thirteen Principals of Belief so I can begin my journey.
The Book of Shadows on top is more for information, notes, about the dieties as well as other things I’ll need to know for my craft. The Book of Shadows on the bottom is for more practical things like magick, spells, recipies, and tarot spreads.
I also did my first tarot reading today, and I was amazed. I already feel a big connection to my deck, and I feel like I got a lot out of the simple Past, Present, Future reading I did.
Here’s to a wonderful journey of self discovery and spirituality 💫