My Friend: holy shit are you crying? I didn't think you even liked that character
Me, having had a very hard week emotionally, physically, mentally and gets way into TV shows to escape life and is coming to the realization that sometimes you just can't escape pain no matter what you do: Man, I dunno it's just happening
WHOOPS I forgot to post yesterday. it’s been a crazy weekend but now I’m in Waiting Mode™ before my flight home so I’ll spend it on tumblr. Sounds about right.
Submitted an application for the apartment, I’ve got my fingers crossed they accept me and have a nice one available!
Chill days at work, I’m training one of the new people on things that I was just trained on - thankfully my manager is available to ask questions is either of us need it, but she’s good about understanding that sometimes the best way to cement your knowledge of things is to teach someone else. I’m still really enjoying this team and work so far!
Have been somewhat neglecting the Charleston job this week; thankfully I have team members who can help pick up the slack when I’m out.
And I’ve been out so much because it’s wedding weekend! My best friend from college got married and asked me to photograph his wedding. Extremely nerve wracking because a) he is a professional photographer and b) I have only shot one (1) wedding before in my life. Yikes. But he and the bride are SO chill and supportive and open about giving me full creative freedom - they had a short shot list and then just. Set me loose. I really hope they’re happy with how they all turn out!
The wedding weekend was a multi-day affair and I am. So tired. But I’m so pleased with the photos I’ve looked at so far, now I have to sift through about 6,000 shots from the whole weekend, select the best, edit and lightly retouch them, and put together an album. The work just gets started with the actual shoot.
I’m so so grateful to this friend for his support over the last few years and for his generosity in having me shoot this - he insisted on treating me like a guest, paid for my travel in addition to the photography work, and insisted on paying me more because he felt like I didn’t ask enough. He and his new wife are so goofy/happy/sweet together, genuinely kind and lovely people, and seeing them with their family and other friends, it was so wonderful to see how loved and supported they are. I definitely happy-cried a bit (am definitely a sap).
I traveled for the wedding events as everything was in and around Denver. I hadn’t spent much time in Denver before, and was curious about the city to see if it was somewhere I might want to move someday. And…no. I’m not a huge fan. It’s way too sprawling, endless suburbs, painfully car-centric, with an unsettlingly soulless downtown. The mountains were so far away, I felt like all I did was drive on freeways (so much fucking driving, I’m so tired of it, please let me have my little walkable neighborhoods, I love you east coast, I love you colonial cities, I love you historic preservation laws, I love you older houses and neighborhoods with character). Some of the locals claimed it’s more walkable/transit friendly closer to the city center, and maybe it is, but who can afford that? And of the time I spent downtown, I didn’t care for the vibes™. It was just. Weird.
Ok my brain is toast. I need to process photos.
botanic gardens // western landscapes beloved // abandoned hat // wildlife! // friend's garage gallery wall...begs many questions // small southern town airports = unhinged signage at the gate // cool old diner near my hotel // why do they have to grow Like That // funky airport carpet // why did I not register how enormous totem poles are // Denver art museum // Japanese arcade afterparty aka are you overstimulated? Would you like to be? // beautiful reception setup at the botanic gardens // just some cacti // denver airport weird yet (mostly) beloved
Again forgot to take notes this week. Whoops. To be fair it was pretty much just hurricane Debby and I did kinda sorta liveblog that. Lots of pictures, though.
So much rain. For four days in a row. Thankfully we didn’t get much flooding, but there’s lots of standing water around town and I just know the bugs are going to be awful.
Lots of folks worked from home this week, but I enjoyed going into the office with almost no one else there. It was so quiet, I could really focus and get some good work done.
I had a check in with my doctor about the new meds, but it’s only been two weeks so I don't think I’ve seen huge changes. I haven’t really noticed any negative side effects; I am sleeping better and most days the fatigue is marginally better. My focus is worse though, and I’ve noticed that I am having a harder time starting tasks/just doing the thing. It’s usually a 15-minute task that I put off for weeks for some stupid reason. Thankfully I got one done yesterday! Trying to work up the mental energy to do the other today. I think the biggest sign of things being better though is that I’m having all kinds of creative ideas pop into my head in a way that they haven’t for years. Photo series I want to do, illustrations I want to make, random designs and projects that I suddenly want to sketch out and research and experiment with. Executing them is another beast, of course, but I have to start somewhere, and getting the ideas at all is new. It’s nice.
Still extremely behind on my reading goals for the year, but I’ve been listening to the audiobook of How To Survive a Plague (when I’m able, literally and emotionally), reading a few pages at a time of Fabric, and have just a few works left to read in the spring edition of The Paris Review.
Got to shadow some people in the department that I applied and interviewed for at work, which I’m taking as a good sign (I don’t think they’d have invited me to sit with the team if they weren’t seriously considering an offer?) and I really liked the folks I sat with, and the work seemed far more my speed than what I’ve been doing since my department had its big personnel shuffle a few months ago. (I’d also be in a different building that seems much nicer, would get a bigger & more private workspace, and wouldn’t have to be on the phones). So I’m quite hopeful that that will work out, especially after the painfully honest one-on-one meeting I had with my manager (I try not to be one of those people who just complains without offering solutions, but no one seems interested in making any changes at all, so…why do you even ask what we would change??)
Crocheted a couple more rows of the sweater! I’ve been so out of crochet mode lately. But Friday night was spent working on the sweater with butterball curled up next to me while I rewatch Killing Eve (which I haven't really watched since the holidays of 2020, during which I was totally alone for a month straight, and binged this show, so it's bringing back all kinds of weird memories and feelings)
Went to my friend’s second baby shower (so many people, awkward small talk, this was meant to be a quick drop-in-say-hi-get-a-snack-leave-a-gift-and-go-so-why-have-we-been-here-for-two-hours-my-people-battery-is-dead-and-oozing-acid-please-let-me-go-home) which was at a park right on the river, so we could see how much the rain impacted the river - it rose about 14 feet/4 meters, and was eerily still and hot and quiet.
It’s hot and wet and steamy (not in the fun ways) and I’m just always physically uncomfortable, which of course puts me on the verge of a bitchy meltdown at pretty much all times. Yay. (August, I hate you)
Anyway. Onward.
Pretty sunset after three days of rain // sandbags at the office // hurricane skies // a disappointing avocado // flooding at the park // red-brown floodwaters // coffee shop details x2 // butterball being baby // baby shower decor // lil friend by my front door // my mother's very dramatic yucca plant // so many mushrooms after the storm // is he...you know... (craft store halloween decor edition) // pretty skies!
A weird week, daylight savings time and more. Coping, distilled in a poem #micropoetry #mediumwriters #daylightsavings https://instagr.am/p/Cp-jzuFO8DZ/
Probably sugar for dinner wasn't a great idea. Probably coffee today wasn't a great idea. Maybe I just don't know how to accept a feeling of stability for long, maybe i'm not ready to have a feeling of stability, maybe that's why trying my hand at NYC next year sounds like a good idea. Maybe I am a free spirit, maybe I would miss grass too much, maybe I should have written an essay instead of walking in a random direction when I had to pee. Maybe roaming is ok for now. Let's hope so....
