Lost My Mind
A3! Fanfic ✦ 10/28/2020 (Reposted from my old X account) Revised: 05/04/2025 | Word count: 2648
Chikage asks Izumi out for a curry night out but she’s secretly dating Sakyo. Little do they know someone’s getting jealous and plotting for revenge in return for rejection.
[Sakyo’s]
I’ve been having the urge to confess but once she’s near my mouth just zips on its own and my body becomes numb to all the feelings, besides from being annoyed at the others and trying to keep their shit together. I’d miss her at times when I see things and places that remind me of her. My heart pulls strings when I see all emotions through her. She has become something that I desperately need and not seeing her chokes me to the ground. I may have lost my mind all because of Izumi. It's unusual for my behavior.
“What’s this?” Kantoku-san asked as I handed her some flowers that I bought from the flower store in Tokyo. “Forget-me-nots.” I replied shortly. Her head looked down then up with her brow arched in a confused way with her mouth curved struggling to keep a smile “Why are you giving me this?” My hands started feeling needle pricks and clenched my hand to stop it from shaking, I scratched my cheek and looked away for a bit to avoid letting her see the blood going up in my face “Tsumugi told me about these and-” I looked at her and her eyes were had stars that emphasized her beauty, I looked away again “This is just a gratitude gift from the boys. They said I should give it to you, kantoku.” She smiled and felt the petals on her fingertips. “Thank you, Sakyo-san. Tell them to say my thanks.” I cleared my throat and grabbed her head then ruffled her hair. It’s like a cat bit my tongue. “Didn’t I tell you to only call me ‘Izumi’? You’re older than me, you know.”
“Stop acting like I’m some senior citizen.”
“And yet you act like one.”
It was just like yesterday when we met. I have no idea what got into her head when she thought of recruiting me but I remember that she told me she saw me in an old footage. Never have I ever thought she’d consider a yakuza joining a theater company - I would’ve never realized that I’d have a family that I can cherish and fall in love with the same person who saw my passion.
“Kantoku, want to come eat out tonight? A new curry restaurant popped out a few streets away and I’d like someone who’s an expert to come review the menu with me.” Entering through the door I heard Utsuki’s voice and I immediately knew who he was asking. I slowly walked and saw them both sitting next to each other on the couch. Izumi quickly put down the documents and smiled widely at Utsuki, “Right now? Let’s go! I just heard about that place when I went to the grocery earlier.” Utsuki chuckled and I just hid at the wall near the entrance. I don’t want to interrupt their conversation yet it kind of hurts me that she’s smiling widely at other people while being with me, she becomes a bit awkward. “Sakyo-san? What are you doing standing over there?” Banri walked in and gave me a top-to-bottom look before heading in “Oh, Chikage-san, going out tonight?” I followed Banri and saw both of them wearing their coats. Utsuki looked at me and smiled, “Yeah, a new curry shop around the corner, want us to buy you some?” Banri shook his head in refusal and I walked in. In my peripheral vision, I saw Izumi trying to approach me but held back. Don’t hold back. I turned to look at her and she jumped slightly. “Let’s talk when you get home.” I said and never looked back.
Holding a coffee and feeling the night breeze, light footsteps can be heard on the floor and through the door. I gestured to her to sit on the pod swing while I sat on the chair near it. Long silence can be heard and she fiddles with the pillow, waiting for me to speak. “Why do you keep accepting Utsuki’s invitations?” She looked at me like a bulb lit up on top of her head and I only sipped my coffee. “You know that I love curry, Sakyo-san. I couldn’t say no.”
“The others might think both of you started dating if it goes on.”
“We’re not.”
“They don’t know that.”
“What’s this about, Sakyo-san? Suddenly lecturing me about nonsensical things when you already know the answers. It’s not like we’re using the company’s money for the eat-outs.” She replies while her brows are now furrowed. I shook my head and put down the cup, looking at her she leaned back “I didn’t say anything about the company money.”
“Then tell me why you’re upset, Sakyo-san.”
“I’m not upset.”
“You don’t have to tell me that you are.” I rubbed my temples and she got closer. “Are you jealous?” I looked at her with my forehead folded and she smiled at my reaction “Stop acting like I’m dumb, Sakyo-san. I’m only bubbly and there’s a difference. There were signs, even the people from akigumi and fuyugumi can see it.”
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Izumi.” As I replied, she leaned closer to my ear and I froze. “Sorry to keep you waiting, Sakyo-san.” She cups my face and I felt soft skin lay on my lips.
[Izumi’s]
“Kantoku, this was his last letter.” Chikage says as he hands me a piece of paper while I’m munching down curry. Three days after Sakyo-san and I kissed, Chikage asked me to join him at the curry restaurant again. I took the envelope and read the name Orcus on the back of it. “Can’t you just tell me who ‘Orcus’ is?”
“Just open it.”
I rip the envelope open. The glue on the envelope felt recent like all of its stick wasn’t fully dry on the paper.
“I’m happy you kept reading my letters until the end. My love counts the days I desire to be by your side. You have accepted my soul and I wish to talk to you tomorrow. 3 AM. At the place where you found the kitten. There will be consequences if you reject me.”
I folded the letter and gave it back to Chikage. This hurts my head. “Well?” I winced at the question and looked at him “It’s different. Is it still him?” He nodded and air escaped from my mouth in frustration “You already met him. Might as well have talked to him. I’ll be right behind you if he does something bad.” I raised my brow at him in disbelief. Like he didn’t do something bad to me by kidnapping me before the premiere. He laughed like he read my mind “There was a reason why I did what I did. This one’s different, I have a bad feeling about what he’ll do.”
3:00 AM. I went out with Chikage and went to the place near the park where I first found the kitten. Chikage hid behind the cafe that’s open for 24 hours. He said he can see me from there and be quick when something happens. I rubbed my arms for heat while wearing the thickest jacket I could find.
3:42 AM. No one appeared. I thought of heading back when I heard my name from a voice I recognized. When I turned around, a hand went for my wrist and pushed me to a wall in a dark area. His face was near and his lips started making their way on mine and my other hand kept punching his chest. Chikage. Where is he? I kept punching and when I felt hands climbing on my neck to deepen the kiss I kicked his shin and he backed away. Even with hands shaking, I frantically took my phone out and turned on the flashlight. The clothes he’s wearing felt familiar, his figure making sure it was him, his innocent voice turning into something sinister that terrifies me to my core. “Are you going to accept my confession?” he asks as he lifts his head to look at me. Tears flowed on my cheeks as I stepped back and looked for Chikage. He said he could see me from the cafe, what happened to him? It’s impossible for him to abandon me, right? I looked at the guy in front of me “Kazunari, why…”
“I asked Chikage since I assume you might find it weird for younger guys to like you. Like Masumi, for example.” He stood up and slowly approached me, I stepped back to avoid him. I need to go back. “This isn’t you, Kazunari. Since when-”
“Since when did I like you?” He smiles at the question “Since you recruited me, of course. You look like someone who could be my muse. Please accept my confession, kantoku.”
“Izumi!” Before my back faces the wall again, a voice could be heard from afar. The voice of the man that had already held my heart: Sakyo-san. I looked at Kazunari and started to run, however minutes later he caught up and pulled me behind a tree, covering my mouth with a handkerchief. “You haven’t answered yet, kantoku. Let him find you.” My screams were all muffled through the handkerchief and struggled to push him. I gathered all my strength to bite his hand and run, I heard my name being called and I tried to call for Sakyo-san. We ran to each other with our arms embracing each others’ bodies and the tears flowed on his shirt, his hand combing my hair for comfort. “Chikage called me. I left immediately from the moment he told me what Miyoshi was going to do. You’re safe now.” I sobbed on his chest and we both dropped to the floor as my knees gave in.
“Enjoying the reunion?” Our bodies froze when we heard Kazunari. I was about to stand up when Sakyo-san stood in front of me. When I turned, Kazunari was holding something dark in his hand and pointed at Sakyo-san. “Not her. Don’t hurt her.” I heard Sakyo-san say and Kazunari laughed. He gestured to Sakyo-san to move away from me and had his hands up “Didn’t expect you to be one that kantoku who’ll call. Frail and old. At first I thought it’d be Chika-chon, then he said he’d help me.” He looked at me and I tried to plead in front of him. The light from the park shone on his face twisted with greed and holding a knife “What’s wrong, kantoku-chan? Afraid of a knife? I took it from my tools in case someone tries to harm or interrupt us. It seems the perfect way to stab it to little old Frooch.”
“No Kazunari!”
“What? I told you, you haven’t answered yet.”
“Answered what, Miyoshi?!” Sakyo interfered.
“To accept being my muse, Frooch. She has already tried my patience and I couldn’t wait anymore. I gave her two choices. To accept my confession or to reject me, however to reject me is to receive brutal consequences. Don’t you agree it will be a fair share of pain and torture?” Kazunari approaches me while his knife is pointed at Sakyo-san. He needs to stop. He’s out of his mind. His hands found its way to my neck and choked me to stand up. He pulls me to him and points the knife on my neck. Sakyo reaches for me but the knife digs deeper on my skin “Izumi-”
“Make your choice, kantoku.” I hear Kazunari say while looking at Sakyo-san with tears flowing. “I’m sorry for not telling you, Sakyo-san. I d-didn’t want you to worry.”
“Miyoshi, what the hell’s wrong with you?! Don’t hurt her!” Sakyo-san shouts yet Kazunari only laughs “I’ve put a hella lot of effort for months for this, Frooch, and for what? Rejection? Only to find out that you’re the one she loves? This was never in the plan but there’s now way I’ll let you both have your happy ending!” The knife went in deeper to have blood flowing and I winced in pain but then it stopped. I felt Kazunari’s arm falling off followed by his body to the ground as he lost consciousness. I look back to see Chikage with his gun in his hand. Arms wrapped tightly from behind before I could think, I turned around and saw Sakyo-san’s worried face and hugged him again. Letting me go, he stops the bleeding on my neck and pulls me away from Kazunari’s body that’s being held by Chikage.
“He needs to pay for what he’s done.” Sakyo-san lets me press on the cloth on my neck and plans to approach Kazunari yet I pull him back to stop him. “He’s unconscious now. Let’s just call the police and ambulance before I pass out.”
“I already did that a while ago while you’re both cuddling. Go sit while we wait for them to arrive. Don’t worry, I tied up Kazunari so he won’t move if he ever wakes up.” Chikage says. Sakyo-san stood up and I followed my gaze when he walked to Chikage, and in a blink, I heard a loud smack, causing Chikage to kneel with his head down “That’s for helping the bastard.”
“Sakyo-san!” I shouted and I tried to run to him but before I could reach him, I felt a strong pang of pain on my stomach. My hand reached for it and saw blood from my fingertips, my eyes quickly moved to Kazunari and saw him hold a gun between both of his hands. My knees kissed the floor and Sakyo-san held me close to him while Chikage ran back to Kazunari and fought with him. “Izumi, hold on. The ambulance’s almost here so you need to wake up. Izumi, please.” Sakyo-san’s arms cradle my body while desperately trying to hold off the blood that’s been oozing on my stomach. My hand tried to reach for his face and his hand held mine with his tears flowing on my arm. I try to smile as my eyes start to drop “Sakyo-san, come closer.” I softly call out to him and he follows “Remember that my heart will always be yours. Take care of the flowers you gave me.” He nods while trying to comb my hair away from my face, kissing my forehead. All the exhaustion is finally catching up to me. I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore yet I still want to savor the moment. “Sakyo-san.” I called out to him again “Kiss me one last time.”
I felt his lips touch mine as I poured all my remaining strength to keep ourselves close to each other for the last time. As I felt all my consciousness fading, I whispered “I love you. I’m so sorry.”
[Sakyo’s]
It’s been months since Izumi passed. Miyoshi was sent to prison thanks to Utsuki and I went back to the house where I worked as a yakuza. News spread in the dorm months after and Usui even punched me in the gut but I didn’t bother. The Mankai company then dissolved and went our own ways and back to our lives before theater happened. When Yukio-san came back, I told him about Izumi and he broke down. He bought back the company for her sake but the feeling wasn’t the same as before.
I miss her.
I had a lot of new things planned with her since the day we confessed to each other. I wanted to ask if she thought of me as much as I thought about her, how her day was, or her thoughts on the new plays and movies we’re going to watch.
Now, there will never be a chance.
Everytime I see forget-me-nots, it reminds me of her. I will never forget you, Izumi, my first and last love, my friend, our director. I will cherish your love forever.
