#aalt-ctrl-del

[artvianblog]

Gift art for @aalt-ctrl-del although I checked and it's nowhere near your birthday ^^” Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement, and generally being awesome! I hope the rest of the year treats you well. I'm 98% sure I used the wrong model for the skull and I do apologise

[cannibal-wings]

aalt-ctrl-del replied to your post: I don’t know if anyone reading my Outlast story...

fellow busy author. Fellow busy author

I feel so bad. I said I'd update once a month then disappeared for like...how long has it been? Three months? Fuck. hahaha. I'll get right on the update, don't want to lose my readers hahaha.

[aalt-ctrl-del]

smug bastard

[aalt-ctrl-del]

just wanted to sketch something messy

rbs

[aalt-ctrl-del]

me: (researches, compiles, presents a report regarding the benefits of providing government aid to members of society with limited or no resources)

- medicine so fewer people get sick and in turn fewer people exponentially get sick

- buying clothing/furniture and in turn reselling these items that are still functional but no longer wanted

- homes that arent trashed in turn neighborhoods dont rot from the inside out

me: “It’s not a fix, it’s a patch. But we want to educate and inform those willing on how contributing members of society function.

that one kid who believes government assistance is the devils work: “That doesn’t work. We always have people on FaceBook talking about the shoes they bought, and living off government aid.”

me: (restrained irritation)

“Those ‘people’ are not members of society and not attributed to the statistical range which this report explores. They are nothing but a canker on society, and don’t represent a repressed or ignored subdivision of people. If they are able but unwilling to work, they are not credited. There are dozens, hundreds of willing citizens who are willing to work but unable to find occupation, or are unable to fulfill the specific roles that one occupation would demand - they require aid, thus that they can make it buy - in turn, they provide to others. That’s more than you mother and father have done for society, investing in a dead end assist who sleep walks through his courses and doesn’t participate in group projects.”

[aalt-ctrl-del]

my domestic life is pretty shitty. no lie

i have siblings, but my mom puts all this pressure on me to do stuff, be here, be there, take responsibility, get things done - legally and maintenance for the house and all, I do handyman style work - just whatever has to get done I do it.

then on the side she pressures me to get work, or an internship - though all the good internships are out of state - and we recently had a family tragedy (my family is always amid crises; nothing is ever normal) and I’m not able to go to Washington or out of country to do that kind of internship.

My mom had it pretty easy growing up. She had both her parents, they paid for her higher educated, they gave her vehicles - economy was healthy and everything, she wasn’t holding her family together; nothing like that was expected of her. Except, her mom pressure her to become a nurse. Cool. That is useful. But she wasn’t running errands, doing stuff above her experience or training - her internships were in state, she wasn’t picking up the pieces left behind.

But here I am, a broken family in shambles, one tragedy after the other, no real support except from my friends; and her higher than thou expectations. I’m built on depression, strung together by anxiety, I’ve bleed and suffered physical/mental abuse for my family so that they could have stability.

And still, can you guess? Yes. They ask for more.

My mental stability fractured, my soul is dead and rotting. My brains practically a septic mess. If some unexpected cataclysm kills me, I’ll be disappointed but not surprised. I have so much to do, so much to give; yet the family I protect still hates me.

[aalt-ctrl-del]

just sometimes wanna yawn, or something.

[aalt-ctrl-del]

i just want to reblog rubbish and be a normal human

but ive got no lips, no skin. im just a coat filled with dust and bones