#aaronbassoon

[mathgeek101]

I saw a post once that said something like It’s about who you miss at two in the afternoon when you’re busy, not at two in the morning when you’re lonely.

I think about that all the time. Because I don’t think I miss anyone in the middle of the day. I certainly miss everyone in the middle of the night though. It’s actually 2 AM right now and I miss Joe. I don’t even feel like I have the right to miss Joe. But why do I need someone’s permission to miss someone? I also really want to talk to MattnotRyan. But I don’t know what about. I want to talk to him in the middle of the day too, though. I think I just want Matt to be my pal because I think he is way rad. He has such a great smile and I just want to be a cause for it. I want to make him smile.

That’s always been a goal of mine. If you look at Jenn’s twitter, there’s a post from a million years ago that is a quote from me - “I want to make people funny. wait no. I want to make people laugh at my funny.” which is so true. I’ve always thought of myself as a somewhat humorous person, and I just want to make people happy and smile, because seeing people smile is the only thing that matters. Happy people are just the best. As I said once - bearded fellows are so my weakness, but so are happy people. I think I would do a lot of things just to make people happy. Like get out of their lives.

Aaron. I’m always really rude to him. He irritates the heck out of me. I try not to talk to him much because (a) he makes me irate and rude, (b) he gets mad at me also, and (c) I think he’s happier without me. He deserves that. Even if it means I intentionally lose connection to him, he deserves happiness. People deserve happiness. 

[mathgeek101]

One thing I think I hate more than anything else, is when I’m trying to talk to someone and I get their attention for a second and start talking because I think they’re listening, and then a few sentences in, they look at another person and ask them something, or start telling them something, and the other person doesn’t care either, and so I end up talking to no one. And it’s even worse when I stop mid-sentence and they don’t even notice. I hate this more than anything and I think it is because it is showing a lack of respect, and if you don’t respect your friends who do you respect? There can’t possibly be anyone. I was trying to tell someone a funny story once, and he was on his computer, just doing whatever, so I called his name, and he responded, and I started telling this funny story, and in the middle he starts complaining about football, and I  immediately stopped talking, mid-sentence, and just walked off. He said nothing. He didn’t notice. Maybe I just talk too much. Maybe people just do that to me because I talk too much and they’re just trying to get me to run out of things to say.

There’s something I like about my friend Joe. He doesn’t really talk a ton, and he’s a great listener. He does all those cheesy “nod occasionally, and make appropriate facial expressions, show the speaker you are listening by saying ‘yes’ or ‘go on’” things and I love it because he is listening.

I am so frustrated about this. I feel like people don’t care when this happens. I also feel really complain-y and angry and guilty and unreasonable for making this post.

Also, Aaron is driving me crazy. He’s always right, never wrong, he’s too good for BSU, the bassoon professor isn’t as good as the one at BYU, oh no, she’s not good enough for him, she’s more suited to kids, like the other bassoonist here, he’s the best bassoonist around, everyone should always dress to him in marching band because he’s a better marcher than the rest of us, he’s such a good musician because he plays bassoon AND clarinet, wow he’s so righteous, what a better mormon than the rest of us he is, and wow he’s so good, wow he’s better than us, don’t touch his bassoon though - he might threaten to drown you in your friend’s blood.

[mathgeek101]

When someone sends you a snap that says "alright cool" and you have no idea what you said before or what that could mean.

[mathgeek101]

I am a social mess.

Rant about people mostly..

For marching band, we just run on to the field. In the Queen show, we were in a scatter, so no one was behind me. In this show, I’m the line leader. AaronBassoon plays clarinet in marching band, and stands right behind me. He kept telling me to run faster because he was going to get me! I got so anxious even though I know he wouldn’t run me over.

I was telling Rachel about how last week I was very certain that MattnotRyan and I were friends. But this week I was not sure at all. Last week he would instantly say hello when he saw me. This week he definitely seemed a little not so friendly. Earlier today he did say hi at the same time I said hi to him, so that’s good. But yesterday he definitely ignored me a little. He has the best smile and is so handsome when he’s happy. As are most people.

Joe is the best. He is one of my favorite people. Rachel said that last year he didn’t talk at all, but this year he actually talks and stuff. I think it’s because of James ( they went to highschool together and were friends then, as well.), but also because of me. 

I was sitting in the ILC earlier, and some people came by (that I knew) and asked if the would sit with me, and my answer was “I  guess” and I didn’t realize how much I need that empty alone time. I’m not lonely, just alone. I enjoy it. Ben was gone from class on Monday, and wow class was horrible. It was weird and quiet and lonely. I felt less happy about math and wow how can I be so dependent on people.

When I was sitting alone in the ILC I wasn’t lonely. When Ben was absent I felt very lonely.