I’ve actually been reading the bible for a week today. I finally found the “right” version that we read in church and so I feel better about reading this one, I always felt off because I didn’t know which one and when I asked people were like what do you “which one?”. So I feel 100% better. I am proud of my efforts. I found a scripture that really does describe what I am feeling. I don’t know if someone suggested it to me, if stumbled upon by accident, or I may have heard it at church. I’m going to share it with you.
“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my call for help, from my cries of anguish? My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I have no relief. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the glory of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted and you rescued them. To you they cried it and they escaped; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. But I am a worm, not a man, scorned by men, despised by people. All who see me mock me; they curl their lips and jeer; they shake their heads at me: ‘He relied on the LORD-let him deliver him; if he loves him, let him rescue him.’ For you drew me forth from the womb, made me safe at my mother’s breasts. Upon you I was thrust from the womb; since my mother bore you are my God. Do no stay far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one help.”
I find this describing how I feel abandoned and alone by God. I feel judged and scorned by people around me that I stand by Catholic Church. Most people I meet, have either grown up in the church and left or they complete despise the church in general. So, it’s hard for me to connect with people. Other Catholics I meet are super invested in the religion and spend a lot of time in the church, but I am private about who I am with God. That’s what religion is, your belief, your relationship with God (or whomever you believe in). Either way, I feel like I have to prove his miracles, but I’m just here. I used to be super in love with church. I was an RCIA teacher and I was an altar server. I was the best one in the church, (I was always the first requested and my pastor said so). I spent my childhood being raised by the church, so that’s why this is disheartening to me.
One step in the right direction. Right?
