After much thinking, talking, and productivity in life, I have decided to comeback to tumblr after what....4/5 days?
It was a good break
I did a lot of things and people might be curious as to what I've been mulling over all this time
And then there are the ones who don't give a shit, So I'm putting things under a read more.
So alright when did I start this thing, Monday night?
Yeah Monday night sounded about right.
All Tuesday and Wednesday I was brooding over everything, wondering whether or not my decision to leave was a good one or not. I started getting frustrated and was going through some withdrawals, not typing or blogging everything I was thinking, having it erased from my bookmarks and the app deleted off of my phone hadn't completely erased it from my mind, but it helped prevent me from getting to them. I deleted Facebook too, even though I've been anxious to see pictures of my cosplays from Matsuri. I had some serious withdrawals, and skyped a friend to have them help calm me down.
And then I started drawing.
I haven't actually drawn anything for about a year. I stopped taking art classes in order to focus on my main courses so I could be over and done with them and go off to UCF and only need my electives and major classes. I sat down and drew, and it wasn't even characters. I drew things around the house, spheres, arms, glasses. Filled up a good five pages with sketching. It felt good to release stress like that.
But I was still thinking. Thinking of all the things I've done wrong and all the things I still do wrong, and I thought that, if I got rid of the thoughts, I wouldn't be worried.
So I sat there on Friday and watched all three LOTR movies back to back. It felt great. I sketched some more, played with shading, and even sat down and read a couple books, Agatha Christie and Stephen King. My grandpa had a shitton of Stephen King books. Some of them bored me so I fished out my old 1941 copy of the complete tales of Sherlock Holmes and read about half of that.
Friday came, I told a co-worker, my friend Helen who helped me make the Jade cape everybody was trying to steal (LISSA!), and we had a good heart to heart, Ended up cheering up significantly. We argued about what was better, smooth jazz or liquid techno. We came to an agreement that SPG was best.
Then today, Saturday, I went to my second job at RL, and talked to my friend McKinley, who frequents 4chan, and he told me not to worry about it. Hearing it from him really relieved me because if anybody knows how people act on 4chan, it's certainly not me. He told me that while tumblr is a place where everybody's pretty cool and generally friendly towards each other, 4chan is pretty vicious and pretty much exist to rile people up. I only know about two people that actually frequent 4chan, and I'm pretty sure that Andrew has completely cut ties with me and/or hates me now. I don't know what I did to make him mad but whatever. The other guy is Chuckquizmo and I barely know him and I know for a fact he hates me because he said so. But still, whatever.
I've signed up for several sewing classes to improve my technique, and have recently come across these beautiful little things called patterns that I plan on using frequently to make my own style and clothing.
I have also come to the realization that I need to stop acting the way that I do at conventions. I need to stand down and be quiet and be held back from things.
But I can't do that on my own. My brain doesn't think that way. I need somebody there to tell me no and, as wonderful as it is having Michael around with me which, it really is it's awesome, He doesn't necessarily tell me to stop. We've come to an agreement that, for now, I should be on my own at conventions instead of chaperoned around, and only actually call on him for help when there's an emergency, like running out to grab safety pins and baby powder at ten o clock at night.
I need that though, I need somebody else to tell me to stop, and I know I won't be able to because my brain doesn't work that way. I have no filter between what I think and what I say and if somebody doesn't help me with that I'm not going to get better.
I am getting better though. I've known I've had these problems for a while, and Yes I'll admit I'm an attention whore, and abrasive and intimidating and I apologize to everyone I've inconvenienced.
But that's not what this post is about. this post is about me being back to tumblr and back to social networking.
