Interview with a Vampire Weirdo
I was tagged by @steak-n-popotoes ! And I’ll tag @lifeofaernthota @skyholding @crystalarcanist aaand @sadamitsuxiv !
Renaud throws the door open in a huff, stopping for a moment to push his hair out of his eyes. “Ah- I’m.. Ah I’m sorry, I had completely forgotten today was the day you were coming to the office!” He gasps, still out of breath. Throwing his coat onto his desk, nearly missing the lit cigarette, be beckons to a seat. “Here, here, let’s get started! Unless you’d like a drink? Clotilde, did you offer them anything?”
What is your full name?
Renaud takes a quick drag of his secretary’s cigarette before turning back to the interviewer. “Depends how in-depth we want to go. Legally, my full name is Renaud-Elouan Cledwyn! My parents couldn’t decide on what to name me, so naturally they had to hyphenate a slew of name to create what we have now.” He shakes his head. “If I were to add in my birth name it gets even longer! You ‘shant underestimate a man with many names.”
What do your friends call you?
“Renaud” he says matter-of-factly. “I do make accomplices with many not familiar with Elezen names and they tend to… butcher it.” His wretched face says all. “It ends up being more of a ‘Oh, Reno! Renard!’ than anything else.” He groans.
What is your favorite animal?
Sliding behind his desk he rummages through a stack of paper. Prying out a sheet he holds it over his head, face lit up with enough joy his fangs poked through a smile. “Isn’t the Paissa just the most wonderful thing ever?!” He stares at the sketch with bliss. “Truly remarkable creatures they are… Why they exhibit simian and avian qualities, they can be taught to do anything… And the young just melt my heart...”
Where were you born?
Squinting at the map of Eorzea hanging on the wall, he circles an area with his index finger. “Just outside of Quarrymill. You’ve been there? It’s lovely.” Pulling his finger to his chin he tilts his head back and forth. “Mmm, or, was lovely I suppose. They pulled some magic artefacts out of the ground there and it’s been absolutely bustling with unsavoury types. That’s why they built that wall so many moons ago, you know? Migrants used to have to pass through here to receive blessing from the hearers to stay, ‘else they’d incite the greenwrath.” He stops to catch his breath. “I trust you know what that is too? Ah.. it feels so distant to recall this. Well, the hearers have been pretty pitiful presently as well, letting all those travellers from Gyr Abania through.. Anyway, onto the next question I suppose.”
Do you have children?
He chuckles. “In the future, sure.”
Is there a person/people you love?
“Of course!” He yells, throwing his arms in the air, scaring his secretary again. “My one and only, my dearest wife, my soulmate, my goddess!” Letting out a jovial laugh, he pulls his hands together under his chin. “She’s just the sweetest thing, My Popola.” He muses, blowing a kiss to nowhere in particular. “Since she’s not here I can gush all about her without getting her worked up, oho!” He laughs again. “But. I’ll spare the details. I’m sure you have other questions for me, hmm?”
What is your favorite colour?
Throwing his arms down into a showing pose, he sighs. “Is that something you have to ask? Look upon me, this is Rust Red. Not a pigment to compare it to, you see. A stunning shade of red, wouldn’t you say?”
What is your full occupation?
“Did you not read the placard before coming inside?” He scoffs. “Phytologist, you fool! Are you not a journalist? Have you never read my bit in ‘The Raven?’ Shame on the Matron!”
Are you good at physical fighting?
Eyebrows upturned he laughs, his lips pout. “Sure, I’m decent at it. More-so in skill than pure strength though..”
Which form are you best at?
He leans up on the desk, reaching at the cigarette again before his hand is swatted away. “Well, if I had to choose, I’d say it would be archery. It’s a game of skill I play quite well. And don’t tell me that archery isn’t a form of physical fighting, or I will physically lodge an arrow between your eyes.”
Reaching behind his desk he pulls out a flash to pour himself a drink, motioning he has another glass. He understands not wanting to take a drink from someone you don’t know well, and puts it away.
What about magic?
“Magics… Ah well, I’m proficient at it. More than most of my peers.” He sneers. “You could say it’s something I’ve inherited from my blood, hmm?”
Which type are you best at?
“Arcane magics most definitely, that’s where I’ve excelled. It’s taken lots of practice but now it comes easily. I’d say I never would have thought about it ten summers ago..” Shuffling, he tucks his arms together. “White magic I never got used to. I’m from Gridania but hearing the Elementals is so… hard.” He stops for a moment. “Wait, please don’t write that down! I don’t want anyone getting the wrong ideas!”
Craftsmanship?
“I’ve been learned in leather crafting since I was a small boy. If I hadn’t left home after the Calamity I figure that would be my line of work… Maybe carpentry too. I’ve recently learned that was my mother’s profession, so I’d like to think she’s passed her knowledge to me as well.” He knocks on the desk. “Why, I made this! And the chair you’re sitting on!” He laughs. “It’s sound, don’t fret… It, well, it shouldn’t fall apart that easily.”
Any other skills?
“I’m just a little bit versed in everything, you see. There are skills I don’t even know I have yet!” He boasts, giving a toothy grin. “If you need help with anything, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me, hmm?”
Are you an only child?
“Gods, I wish!” He moans. “Technically I am, but I was raised with a younger brother when my mother gave me up.” He presses his forehead into his palm, before rubbing his temples. “Sweet Jules, ugh, what a handful. All he does is complain, and he has the weakest ego. He’s making a name for himself now but, Gods… I can still hear him screaming.”
Where do you see yourself in five years?
“Alive, preferably. I’d like to settle down… I’m getting dangerously close to forty winters.”
Have you ever almost died?
He takes a sip of his drink. “Perhaps.”
Do you have a secret, not just a secret, but like a really big secret, hardly anyone knows?
Holding the cup to his lips, he stops. His glare adds tension to the room. Onto the next question.
Salty or sweet?
Swirling his drink around he takes a moment to think. “Impartial. But I’d be more inclined to a bitter or salty flavour. A Trapper’s Quiche with salted eft is delectable if you’ve ever had it.”
Do you like yourself?
He spits out his drink. “What kind of question is that? Hmm, I see, you’re bringing out the queer questions now.” Putting his cup down he adjusts his collar. “Of course I like myself, doesn’t everyone like me?”
Do you believe in the Twelve?
“Inherently, yes, I make my prayers to my home’s patrons… Nophica and Halone in particular. Quite incongruous, you think? Is it supposed to say a lot about me?”
Are you religious?
“As much as the next person, I suppose. I’ve grown back into the practice. Not in public of course, I’m not that sort of fool.”
Do you carry prejudice with you?
He brings the cup to his lips once more. “And what of it? We’re learned in our ways. Sometimes I wonder if I can change, but those groups never live down to their preconceived notions. I’m no different from them, in honesty.” Walking to the window he mumbles to himself.
“I’ve caught heat for my remarks, but isn’t what makes us controversial, makes us… spoken? I’ll stoke the flames to further mine agenda, as do they. We each have our own versions of the truth, hmm?” He leaves the cup on the window sill and walks back. “But I shouldn’t be asking you questions, you’re asking me.” He smiles, weakly.
What do you consider entertainment?
“I love a good production, especially one with lots of singing. If the poet is good I find myself thinking about it for weeks after… And of course if the songs are catchy. That’s a must.”
Favorite drink?
“Buscarron pours a lovely mead for me when I visit. I was quite the lush in my younger years, and I don’t think I’ve outgrown that yet…”
Do you have any family traditions?
“When I lived at home we always had to have dinner together, even it meant waiting for our father for hours before we got to eat… But most memorably every heavensturn we would partake in a traditional Gridanian version of it at the Everschade. Other than namedays, and other major calendar events… Just spending it with the people you want to. I’ve had moderately good success in teaching my wife about these events.”
Are you a good person?
He exhales. “I don’t think you needed to ask that question.”
Thank you for answering my questions.
After exchanging pleasantries, Renaud sits down in their place. “Where did I leave my drink… I’ll need more after that.”