#acespectips

[acespectips]

there are times when i want to have sex but i don’t think i’ve ever looked at anyone and been like “i want to have sex with that person.” is that what sexual attraction is? because it’s wild to me that anyone could think like that. like i find people aesthetically pleasing but. no thought accompanies that. just like looking at pretty people thats all

that’s exactly the difference between having sexual urges/libido/arousal and sexual attraction! You can want to have sex while still being asexual, because asexuality is that lack of sexual attraction towards people. It’s crazy to me too that people look at other people and go “I want to have sex with that person.” 

[acespectips]

Hi, I'm 14 almost 15 and I've been questioning if I'm ace or not. I actually didn't really understand that people were sexually attracted to people at all. But idk if I'm a late bloomer, or since the last "crush" I had was more than a year ago. Also, I was wondering how common platonic relationships are? Like I want to be in a relationship with a friend but not a romantic one, due to me being lithromantic and grayromantic. Ty!

Hi Anon!

May I interest you in queerplatonic relationships? You can read more about them by searching the term on Google.

And if they're not of your interest that's alright. Platonic relationships are really, and I mean REALLY, common. Since it's the attraction that you have when you're close to someone, but not necessarily romantically or sexually. Say, if you have friends, you experience platonic attraction.

Platonic relationships can be as deep as romantic/sexual ones.

And about the thing of you being ace, well I never identified as ace, I've been a pan since I was 12-13. So you might be ace(-spec), but I'm not you to tell ya about that.

Have a nice day ! 💜

[acespectips]

Do you think a 14 year old can know if they're asexual?

Sure! If 14-year-olds can id as gay, lesbian, bi, pan, etc, then they can also probably determine whether or not they’re ace.

That being said, I think the more important thing is that it’s okay to change how you identify. I identified as bisexual for over a year before realizing I was ace-spec, and this was all around age 15/16. If you id as ace and then realize that you aren’t actually, it’s totally okay to change how you identify! These labels are here to help you figure out more about yourself, not limit the ways you interact with others and think about yourself. A lot of people “get it wrong” when they first start questioning their identity, and that’s 100% okay. What matters is how comfortable you feel with your identity.

[acespectips]

is it sexual attraction to want to have sex with someone just to make them feel good? like the hot thing about it is them feeling nice and all. this a weird question but-

Hi Anon!

Mmm tricky question. But I'd say it isn't. Some aces do that and they're still ace.

It's like "I'll have sex with you, but because I love you and I want to make you feel good", yes? Then it shouldn't be sex. attraction :)

Have a good day/night and happy new year! 🎉💜

[acespectips]

This may be a really dumb question, but what does sex repulsion feel like? I'm not sure whether I experience it or not.

Hi Anon!

It isn't a dumb question, it's actually good to be confused and asks.

Since I don't experience sex repulsion but romance repulsion (sometimes), I'll compare it to that. It might not be the same situations, but it is a way to help you.

See, when I'm watching a movie (or whatever that has a story) and the MC has a love interest in less than 20 minutes, it cause me to sigh, want to stop watching it and throw a whole ass discourse as to why the movie is bad. But why? Because 1) I'm tired of love being used for marketing and as a way to sell more, making the story rely ONLY on that; 2) C'mon nobody falls in love so quickly, and 3) I want to punch the MC, their love interest and the people who made this horrid thing.

And in my normal life, when I see people cuddle and being overly romantic, I wanna tell them to stop, look away, go home and wash my eyes with soap.

Now replace the romance stuff with sex.

... See? It's similar, just different types or repulsion. If you feel all of this you might have sex aversion/repulsion.

Yes, you can experience repulsion only when seeing it irl but not in fiction and viceversa. Or in both too why not.

Hope I helped you :)

Have a good day/night!

[acespectips]

So I'm ace and when I read or write erotic stories I get this incredible zingy feeling in the tips of my fingers and it feels *amazing* but I have absolutely no desire to do anything beyond just bask in the way my fingertips are fizzing with electricity, and I'm wondering if this is at all comparable to what sexual attraction feels like.

Hi Anon ;)

This what you're describing is arousal, it's a normal feeling we get when seeing sexy stuff. You can say that it is comparable to sexual attraction, but not the same. It's alright though, you're as ace as an ace symbol.

Have a nice day!

[acespectips]

sometimes I get a tingly ish feeling when I see a really pretty person and stuff, but I definitely don’t want to Do Stuff with them, so I suppose the attraction isn’t sexual? But idk what it is and it’s stressing me out.

Hi Anon!

Sexual attraction is when you wanna do That™ to a person, you are attracted to them physically.

If you don't wanna do stuff with them but think they're beautiful, then it's probably aesthetic attraction.

Have a nice day! ;)

[arospectips]

Welcome!

(This will be a new pinned post to replace the old one)

This account ( @arospectips ) and @acespectips were started thanks to an idea by @kyanitedragon, who proposed an account where curious or confused aromantics and arospecs ask people who aren’t aromantic (alloromantics, arospecs, alloaces) about romantic attraction (that’s what @arospectips is for), and then an accounts here curious or confused asexuals and acespecs ask people who aren’t asexual (allosexuals, acespecs, alloaros) about sexual attraction (that’s what @acespectips is for).

On both accounts, you’re encouraged to send in asks (anon feature turned on) asking about anything you’re confused about, maybe some tips, maybe you just had no one else you could ask about something so you come to us. Whatever it is, whoever’s behind the account at the time will be more than happy to answer all your questions!

If you don’t want to send in an ask but still have questions, you can skim through the blog to see if someone has answered it yet, or you can use the search feature for the blog and type in key words about what you’ve got questions about, like “romantic attraction” if you want to know how to figure out if you experience it or “quoiromantic” if you’ve been questioning the label but want to know a little more about it.

@acespectips is currently run by two other mods, Mod Slav and Mod Emily, since although I’m the owner of both, I’m asexual, so I can’t really answer asks about sexual attraction. @arospectips (this account) is currently run just by me (Mod Will (she/they)). At the end of the month (December 2020), applications to be a mod close and we’ll get some more people managing these accounts. Depending on how large these accounts get by then will impact how many new mods we’ll accept. If you’re interested in becoming part of either account, just scroll through either of these blogs to find the application form, it shouldn’t be too far down.

Although there are a lot of asexual ask blogs out there run by asexual people and aromantic ask blogs out there run by aromantic people, the purpose of these two blogs are for them to be run by people who actually experience the type of attraction the people looking at the blog don’t so that they can be of more help. Both accounts definitely do have people behind them currently who are arospec or acespec, so although they’re not allosexual or alloromantic, they can still provide different (but still helpful) perspectives on whatever type of attraction their account focuses on.

If you’ve ever got any sort of questions at all about sexual attraction or romantic attraction, don’t be afraid to send in an ask or two, we’ll be more than happy to help you out!