I wanna be proud of being ace, but like. I feel like Iâm sexualising myself? If that makes sense? And also sexualising my peers. Iâm a minor, so I feel like itâs bad that Iâm even discussing my ace-ness, esp since Iâm gray ace so I feel sexual attraction sometimes, even if rarely. Is it true that itâs weird to be proud of being ace? Esp at a young age? I just. Itâs the discussion of sexual attraction and relations between teenagers, and ik that society is still weird about that, looking at you netflix, but still. Am I contributing to the sexualisation of minors? I def think literal children are off limits for saying wether theyâre allo or ace bcus theyre children and they donât even know yet, particularly with sexual attraction, bcus kids donât feel sexual attraction. I think. And hope. And the argument of if they can id as straight then they can id as ace and itâs like neat! But also they didnât even choose to id as straight thats society baby. And people saying theyâre straight are probably focusing on the romantic part, not the sexual one. Iâm getting off topic here. But like. Iâm 14. Am I sexualising kids/teenagers? Itâs weird to think people my age even feel sexual attraction tbh, (including me lmao) but I think thatâs a common ace feel. I think. But am I? Itâs implying the rest of them who are allo are, well, allo. And itâs not like society doesnât consider that. They teach sex ed and have the cursed netflix shows and discuss things and crushes and stuff. But. I just canât get over it. Am I sexualising others? Am I being overshary? I want to come out to my family, but does my mom really want to hear about how her child doesnât feel sexual attraction except sometimes? I have this friend who says this kinda stuff all the time and also is an exclusionist, which uh,,, Iâm not an idiot, they probably contributed a lot to me thinking like this. But are they right? Do I have internalized aphobia? Am I sexualising people? Idk Iâm just. Agh :(
Alright so letâs start with the main question. Iâm not sure what you mean by sexualizing your peers, but itâs very normal and natural to think of people your own age in a sexual way. Generally speaking I separate feelings that are largely outside of your control with actions, most 14 year olds will naturally think of other 14 year olds in a sexual way. But itâs still important to be respectful of people and boundaries and not actively sexualize anyone who doesnât want it or hasnât given consent. But yeah, generally speaking at 14 hormones are fairly strong and people are learning to deal with them for the first time and these thoughts are going to come up and thatâs OK.Â
Sexualizing minors is definitely an issue, but the big issue is adults sexualizing minors. (And god wouldnât it be nice if we could start having more shows about younger adults figuring their shit out and navigating life if you wanted to do a show about young sexy people? The actors are usually that age already anyways.) And honestly a lot of your peers are definitely having similar thoughts and going through similar things.Â
Children can actually experience sexual attraction, when people start experiencing sexual attraction can vary widely. Itâs important to acknowledge this because people who do start experiencing it young need to know their experiences are normal too.
Sexual attraction, or looking at people sexually isnât a moral flaw. Sexuality isnât morally wrong. Itâs important to respect things like consent and healthy boundaries, but generally speaking sexuality on its own is normal and healthy. You may benefit from looking into the sex positivity movement, sometimes they forget about asexuality a bit which is an issue (newer stuff is better though), but itâs important to see that perspective too, and unlearn the more puritanical âsex and sexuality is a sinâ idea our culture tends to push.
Yeah you can be a minor and ace or gray ace (both or whichever you prefer). As said above, actually at 14 a lot of people are experiencing sexual attraction already. People are still going through puberty until their late teens/early 20â˛s, so itâs always possible your orientation is still developing until then, and some teens do prefer to hold off, but itâs a personal choice. And whatever happens in the future doesnât change that something is true now. Itâs fine to go with and identify with how you feel right now.
For literal children identifying as ace (Iâm assuming you mean like under 10 here), honestly thatâs usually not an issue because of the way our brains develop, young children havenât reached a point yet where theyâre solidifying their identities and orientations. That usually starts to happen during the pre-teen and young teenage years.Â
But also thereâs no harm done in trying on a label and realising later that that label doesnât fit. Itâs a normal and healthy part of figuring out identity to look into and consider different ones and try them on.
I have to be honest that I was reading through this ask and wondering what you were reading/seeing, because a lot of this comes from exclusionist rhetoric. Exclusionist rhetoric is also very very good at getting into your head and making you doubt yourself or feel guilty for being your own orientation/hate your own orientation. This may sound extreme but this friend is probably not a very good friend to you, and if they donât know youâre ace it will likely get worse if they find out.
Ace exclusionism (actually any form of lgbtqia+ exclusionism) acts as a hate group, they target specific groups and base their identity around their hate/fear of that group. The tactics are the same, they exaggerate the power of the targeted group to make them appear like a threat, downplay their oppression, and actively target and harass those groups, and slowly become an echo chamber.
At the very least I really strongly recommend following ace people and ace blogs so you are getting good information and can build up a support for your identity. Remember exclusionists will often lie, fact check anything you hear from them, but youâll probably see too just from watching the ace community yourself that the picture they paint doesnât match up to reality at all.Â
So please take care of yourself and watch out for yourself.
All the best, and good luck!
