#aconite rambles

[aconite-besiaka]

Have been contemplating experiencing esdras as a game boss lately, but I'll have to kill Tien Piedad, Aurea and Tres Angusias. For what? To get fucking slammed into the ground and then kill my beautiful boy??? He is an endangered animal to me. I can't do this.

[aconite-besiaka]

I'm 1% from having the biggest emotional breakdown in my life because there is one penias work on ao3 and judging by the tags I WOULD CONSUME THIS IN ONE BITE

but it's in chinese. IT'S IN CHINESE AND ME NOT KNOWING CHINESE COCKBLOCKS MY ACCESS TO IT. I'M GONNA CRY.

[aconite-besiaka]

the craziest thing is that when I started playing blasphemous I was totally indifferent to both the penitent one and esdras. like, plain idgaf zone. esdras irritated me, even.

and where am I now??? how did this happen??? I intended to be gay for deogracias and not for manfailure n.1 and manfailure n.2???!?!? huhh??????

[aconite-besiaka]

was sitting in my room drawing peacefully and had thought "damn the penitent one's design slaps" and then it had dawned on me that I am drawing penias in my blasphemous t-shirt, in my room with three blasphemous posters on the wall, eclessia siblings plushies (shitty diy) lying by my side and my (diy and shitty also) esdras standee staring at me across the room while I wait for my friend to type out a post in the penias rp we are having. hyperfixations be affecting me like a cursed amulet spreading into my soul until it's too late. shit is wild.

[aconite-besiaka]

shipping a character and their sword (who is actually sentient but nobody gaf about it) really is something because now every second fanart of the character is actually ship fanart. to me. cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see etc. etc.

[aconite-besiaka]

Hello mutual boy it’s me @crisantassocialmediamanager (it’s my sideblog your honor) and I wanted to ask:

As the self-proclaimed penias CEO, could you explain some of the dynamics/story/appeal of the ship for you and your penias associates?

"hello mutual boy" is cute lmao

I have waited for this question for my whole life ehehee.

As a disclaimer, I must say here that I only talk about the True Ending Pathway, because the other endings only provide kind of shallow angst material and there is nothing to work with deeply. And also the way I write might be wacky because English is not my first language

So,

1. To start from the basics, as a fan of "Religious guilt game" I love religious guilt portrayed in characters, and if to consider the Miracle being homophobic yada yada yada it carries some impact on both the penitent one and esdras from this angle. The penitent one, if, of course, headcanoning, was most likely more exposed to the outside world than esdras was, and this can result in a dynamics between a person who knows what the deal is (aka acknowledges affection), but is not ready to accept it, and a person who does not know what the deal is, but was, on the other hand, had been more exposed to affection as a concept in the past.

2. To continue the point about parallels between them (you talked about it in your own post a lot and I agree on the most points), I like to percieve them as a warrior who failed his duty (esdras) and a warrior, whose duty will be fulfilled no matter what (the penitent one).

3. Another thing I consider interesting is that in the penias mindset is that the penitent one is the only person Esdras has any sort of connection with. I do not think Crisanta is something meaningful personally to him apart from the Capitain (even if that would be a non-mutual feeling), Perpetva is, well, noticably dead, and from the lore crumbs we get the chance that Eddras had been buddies with someone from the Legion is slim. And, even if he was, Esdras fled the Legion, which could not been an easy decision for him to make in general since he was raised by the Church and protecting faith must have been his life goal. So at the end of his ark, he is basically left with nothing, and it would be kind of logical for him to latch into the only person he feels something towards and that might feel something towards him.

4. ...as I mentioned in 2, the penitent one's duty will be fulfilled no matter what, which adds to the overall "doomed" thing and there is nothing like a fresh cup of doomed yaoi in the morning. Getting serious, this means that any type of connection established between them would be very temprorary, and they are both aware of it. You can even go further and say that Esdras kind of prolongs the penitent one's mission by giving him the key which leads to penance boi getting smacked on the head by isidora sierpies and other hellish things

5. I can't quite put it into words, but there is also something in the way Perpetva is involved in all of this mess that gets me

6. And, ultimatively, they are just kind of funny. Little guys. I loved Esdras since my first playthrough because he is kind of silly as a character, so maybe this involves projection for me, but not in a romantic sense

p.s. also they mirror crisanta x perpetva which is kind of silly also

[aconite-besiaka]

sometimes when I get mildly bored I go and get on my dog's nerves with my shitty mea culpa because life is short and moment is fleeting

[aconite-besiaka]

life kinda sucks, I wish crisanta gave me headpats and called me a good boy but like. with zero naughty meaning whatsoever. just... mehhhh I wanna be this woman's funny little creature. is this too much to ask of this world.