how about "call me" ;o
The dial tone stopped. “Hi, you’ve reached Suzuki Hayate, and this is an unfamiliar number, so I would like you to kindly remove your phone from your ear, pitch it in a fucking river, and never attempt to contact me again.”
"Aha, got you, finally!"
"What the—what the fuck, how did you get this? Which one of my acquaintances do I have to waterboard for the next ten hours, dead-eyed and constantly droning like a retail zombie ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’? Because my schedule is obviously filled with spiderwebs until the conceivable end of spacetime. I want nothing more than to mash my ear into this useless piece of wiring until you end up doing a complete personality one-eighty and ending up as a nun in Guatemala out of total soul-deep fulfillment."
"Not important! No, seriously, stop talking. I need you to tutor me in anatomy, and that’s definitely not an innuendo, okay? You’re the guy for the science stuff, right?"
"Have you been bludgeoned repeatedly in the head recently? I mean it, can you remember what your birthday is?"
"I’ll take that as a yes! Be over in ten!"
He was still inhaling for what was probably the biggest string of sarcasm-laced insults of all time when she clicked ‘end call’.
