“Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t blow me,” Neil throws back at him, grinning.
Andrew’s face twitches. He raises an eyebrow as if to say, I said what I said.
“You think I’m hot,” Neil teases, because his mouth has and always will get him into trouble.
“I think you’re decent looking,” Andrew corrects, bored, but it’s redundant to Neil, who can see the look in Andrew’s eyes.
There’s a pause.
“I love you.”
They have a stare-off, neither flinching away from the eye contact.
Finally, Andrew says, “Don’t say stupid things.” And then he’s kissing him. Later, Neil thinks he can feel Andrew mouthing the same three words into his neck, but he doesn't ask.
there isn’t nearly enough content about pynch proposals so please allow me to share my outline of an adam proposing to ronan fic I’m likely never going to write, here we go:
adam decides pretty early on in his relationship with ronan that this is the guy he wants to spend the rest of his life with. it’s a shapeless thought at first, something that he can’t yet grasp among the university applications and the hours spent studying. something playing at the back of his mind that he hasn’t yet put lyrics to, but the knowledge is there with every heart beat, and every kiss touch moment he shares with ronan
the idea starts to form in adam’s second year of university. at this point he has already thought the words forever and ten years from now in regards to ronan, has already begun considering grad schools and apartments big enough for two and the conversations he and ronan should have before adam’s senior (4th) year. it’s only natural then that the more he thinks about living with ronan, the clearer it is that he wants more than them just moving in together
it’s unlike adam parrish to think of what he wants and not do everything in his power to have it, so adam starts saving up for an engagement ring as soon as the image of ronan wearing one presents itself to him
fast forward to a spring break adam’s senior year, he’s back at the barns for only a couple of weeks before it’s the frenzy of assignments and his senior project again, but for now not even the thought of the latter can distract adam from what he’s about to do
he chooses an evening a week after he’s gotten back to the barns. he walks up to ronan who’s standing on the porch, the last whispers of sunlight casting ronan in shades of red and violet. ronan turns at adam’s approach and smiles, loose and happy, and adam takes ronan’s hand in his. he brushes his lips against ronan’s in an approximation of a kiss then asks ronan to walk with him. ronan, all too happy to walk with adam, complies. however instead of taking their usual route around the barns, adam heads to the forest nearby
they take a trail adam had mapped out earlier upon his arrival. the part of the forest adam leads them to has a piece of the new cabeswater in it, the trees start whispering their welcome as soon as adam and ronan step into it. ronan shoots adam a questioning look “didn’t know we’re here on a business trip, parrish.” adam laughs, his heart going a mile a minute, and simply says “we’re not.”
by the time they reach the clearing, the last wisps of sunset have given way to the stars, the night sneaking up on them in one breath, but instead of being engulfed in darkness -tiny orbs light the way, and the inside of the clearing is shimmering with more floating lights. the orbs similar to the ones ronan dreamt up for his birthday a few years ago. the night ronan kissed him and adam kissed back. funnily enough, adam thinks, that was the night he first knew
the clearing is a painting of lights, their familiar glow a welcome reprieve from the dimness of the forest, and the leaves rustle and whisper a beat of adam’s choosing; cabeswater heeding the will of its magician. at this point ronan lets go of adam’s hand, takes a few steps ahead as if to take it all in, and then fully turns to look at adam
this is where he finds adam down on one knee. there’s a speech to make, love declarations and a question to ask, words adam have practised over and over for months -that all seem to fall away when ronan looks at him in pure awe
adam wants to say you’re my best friend, he wants to say I love you so much, I even love your dumbass jokes and bad flirting. he wants to say I always knew we’d end up here
instead he says “told you it’s not a business trip. it’s a proposal.” casual as you like. the expression on ronan lynch’s face is decidedly not at all casual
adam takes a deep breath, fishes through his prepared words and allows his thoughts and speech to overlap as he speaks. he doesn’t sound casual anymore and he doesn’t say everything he wanted to but he gets all the important bits out. most importantly, adam pauses at the end and says “will you marry me?”
and between the kisses and laughter, ronan says “yes”
heyyyy if you wanna write a pynch vday fic, how about one where they're like... both trying to be sneaky about planning sth for valentines day and so both think the other has forgotten about it and they're both like ://// but it all uhh works out in the end?? x
what a top notch suggestion, absoLUTELY i can write that 💕💕 (uhh heads up this got kinda long, i’ll put it on ao3 too and reblog with a link later)
-
Adam sat alone in a corner booth of Nino’s, History notes open on the table before him. He’d written VALENTINE’S DAY?? in the margin, underlined three times. He frowned at the words, wondering why he was fixating on them, and turned his head to stare listlessly out of the window instead.
Blue was there working, but she’d been too busy to come and say hello so far, simply offering him a harried wave when she spotted him walk in, pointing him towards the table he was now seated at. The other staff at Nino’s never bothered them anymore, knowing Blue would cover their table. Adam had heard them being referred to as “Blue’s Boys” on more than one occasion.
He was currently the only one there, having beaten Henry and Gansey out of the school gates. He assumed they’d got held up by a traffic light or two, and Ronan had further to drive than the rest of them so would likely arrive last anyway.
Thinking of Ronan immediately returned Adam’s thoughts to the words written in his notes and he scowled at the parking lot. On the surface, Valentine’s Day didn’t seem like it would be Ronan’s thing. Adam wasn’t even particularly sure it was his thing. But the fact remained that Valentine’s Day was a week away, and Adam didn’t know what, if anything, he was expected to do for it.
He tried to think back to previous years and remembered receiving an anonymous card from someone back in the seventh grade; a generic heart-shaped thing that simply said ‘Will you be my Valentine? x’ inside. He was fairly certain the sender was a girl in his English class who had never said a word to him but blushed every time she caught his eye. Adam didn’t see how he was supposed to answer whether or not he’d be her Valentine if she never told him she had sent it. And of course, she never owned up, and he didn’t want to suggest it was her in case he was wrong, and he didn’t actually want to be her Valentine anyway. So it was never mentioned again.
The difference here was that Ronan was his actual boyfriend. Didn’t that mean that they were each other’s Valentines by default, then?
Adam didn’t know. He’d never navigated Valentine’s Day before. Not like this.
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear Henry and Gansey approach until they were right there.
“Oh, History notes,” Henry exclaimed. “Can I borrow them?”
Adam turned his head to see Henry already sliding the notebook towards him. “Your notes are always make more sense than mi—” Henry cut himself off, eyes widening at something on the page. Too late Adam remembered the VALENTINE’S DAY?? in the margin and slapped his hand over it, snatching back his notebook.
Henry was grinning at him. “Big plans?”
“No,” Adam muttered. “No plans at all.” He stuffed the notebook into his messenger bag.
Gansey had slid into the booth opposite Adam and watched the exchange with raised eyebrows. “What have I missed?”
“Nothing, apparently,” Henry said easily. Adam was grateful that Henry clearly wasn’t going to push it (at least not with an audience), but reasoned he could perhaps use some advice.
“So,” he started. “Valentine’s Day. Thoughts?”
“I’m glad you asked, Parrish,” Gansey said. “It was originally a Western Christian feast day honouring a couple of early saints called Valentinius—”
“Yes, thank you, Captain Wikipedia,” Henry cut in. “I’m not entirely sure that’s what he meant.”
A jug of Iced Tea was plonked onto the table without ceremony and they all looked up to Blue Sargent as she handed out glasses.
“It’s a dumb holiday invented by Hallmark to sell more cards,” she said, obviously having heard the tail-end of the conversation.
“Well, obviously there’s that too,” Gansey said, beaming at her.
Adam sighed. They were all monumentally unhelpful.
“Why the interest, Adam?” Blue asked, a knowing glint in her eye.
“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I’m just…okay, with Ronan, do I just treat it like any other day? Do I get him a card? Will he think it’s stupid? Do I think it’s stupid?”
There was a short silence as the three of them blinked back at him, and then Blue carefully said, “Do you think it’s stupid?”
Adam wasn’t sure how to answer that. The truth was that he sort of did think it was stupid, but he also thought he wanted to acknowledge it anyway. He thought doing nothing at all kind of made him look like an asshole.
In the end, it all circled back to Ronan, and whether he would care. Did he have anything planned? Was he having an internal crisis over it as well?
In lieu of an answer, Adam shrugged again.
“Speak of the devil,” Henry said, and nodded towards the entrance.
Ronan, dressed all in black (of course), had just stepped inside. He scanned the restaurant without turning his head but when he spotted Adam, his shoulders relaxed, and he smiled just a little.
Adam didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing that.
“Oh god, you two are the worst,” Blue scoffed as Ronan started to make his way over.
“What?” Adam said without looking at her.
“You know exactly what, Adam Parrish. You and Ronan with the googly eyes. Jesus Christ, you’re in public. Tone it down.”
“You tone it down,” Ronan said jovially, hip-checking Blue as he drew level. “What are we talking about?”
“The origins of Valentine’s Day,” Gansey said delicately.
Ronan snorted derisively. “Valentine’s Day,” he said with as much scorn as he could muster, “is capitalistic bullshit invented to sell cards and flowers and chocolate.”
“Hey man, that’s exactly what I said,” Blue said, sounding pleased, and she and Ronan fist-bumped. Adam rolled his eyes. They really were two sides of the same coin.
“You’re in my seat, Cheng,” Ronan said.
“Sit by Gansey, I was here first.”
Ronan shrugged. “Fair’s fair.” He stepped up onto the seat and over Henry and squeezed into the spot between him and Adam.
“Ronan Lynch,” Gansey hissed. “You’ll get us kicked out!”
“Calm down, Dick, no one noticed,” Ronan said. He had both arms stretched out across the back of the booth, and Adam and Henry were both leaning into him a little thanks to the lack of space.
“This is cozy,” Henry said cheerfully.
It was Blue’s turn to roll her eyes and she pulled her little notepad out of her apron pocket. “Alright, I have to actually do my job now, what do you want? Gansey, I’m assuming you want your usual half-avocado monstrosity?”
“You’re a millennial, Blue, you’re supposed to like avocados.”
Her disgusted expression was answer enough. The rest of them rattled off their food order and then Blue went off to put it through.
“Doesn’t anyone want to come and sit by me?” Gansey asked. “It’s lonely over here.”
“Oh, don’t pull that face, Gansey, you’re making me sad,” Henry said, swapping sides. He scooched right the way over to Gansey and draped an arm around his shoulder before sighing loftily. “It’s hard being this popular.”
“But someone has to do it,” Adam said drily, earning him a quicksilver smile.
“And I do it so well.”
Ronan was stopping at Adam’s for the night, but they had each come to Nino’s in their own cars so separated in the parking lot to drive over to St Agnes in a convoy.
Ronan was already peeling out of the lot by the time Adam reached his shitbox, and he was held up further by Henry calling his name. He turned and Henry jogged over, Gansey nowhere to be seen and most likely still inside saying goodbye to Blue.
“Oh, sorry,” Adam said. “You wanted my History notes, right?”
“No, that’s not — well, yeah, actually, thank you,” he said, taking them when Adam handed them over. “I actually came over here to give you some unsolicited advice.”
“About the Valentine’s Day thing?”
“That’s the one.”
Adam shrugged. “It’s not entirely unsolicited. But anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You heard him.”
“Yeah, I heard him. Sounds like posturing to me.”
Adam tilted his head to the side. “You think?” Ronan certainly was prone to posturing.
“Sure. I mean, I have no doubt that he really does think Valentine’s Day is what he said in there, but I wouldn’t let that put you off doing something, if you wanted to.” Henry waited for a response, and when Adam didn’t offer one, he prompted, “You do want to, don’t you?”
Adam smiled wryly. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only if you know what to look for,” Henry said, but before Adam could think on that too much, he continued. “Look, I don’t know Ronan as well as you do, but even from the outside, it’s clear how he feels about you.”
Feeling himself blush, Adam immediately looked down at the ground. He did know how Ronan felt about him. It was often whispered to him in the middle of the night when it felt like they were the only two people in the world. It just took him off guard to hear it so plainly from someone else.
“Think about it, Adam. Regardless of how Ronan personally feels about what Valentine’s Day stands for, do you really think he’s going to let a day when he’s practically green-lit to be as obnoxious as possible about you just pass him by?” Henry shook his head. “Not the Ronan Lynch I know.”
Well, when it was put that way. “Did he say something to you? Do you know something?”
“Not a thing,” Henry said, and Adam believed him. “It’s just an observation and an educated guess.”
“Huh,” Adam said thoughtfully. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and tossed them in the air, catching them again, ideas already forming in his head. If Ronan was going to be obnoxious, Adam could be obnoxious too. “Thanks, Henry. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t lose my notes.”
“I will try my level best.”
Adam gave himself three rules for Ronan’s Valentine’s gift:
1) It had to be heartfelt.
2) It also had to be in good humour and not take itself too seriously.
3) It had to be cheap.
He was too sensible to spend money he didn’t have on some arbitrary gift Ronan wouldn’t appreciate. Not to mention that Ronan was impossible enough to buy for as it was; firstly he was rich enough to buy himself pretty much anything he might want, and secondly he could literally manifest his dreams. It was going to make future birthdays and Christmas’s an absolute nightmare.
(But what a wonderful problem to have.)
What it all basically meant was that Adam had to go homemade, and given that he had school and work (and Ronan) to work around, he didn’t have a whole lot of time to do it.
He borrowed Gansey’s laptop during lunch-break on Monday at Aglionby and made Ronan a mix-CD of the cheesiest love songs he could think of. It featured such classics as You Make My Dreams by Hall & Oates, Heaven by Bryan Adams, True by Spandau Ballet, and many, many more. It wasn’t even remotely Ronan’s kind of music which made it funny, but as embarrassing as some of the songs might have been, they did actually somewhat echo Adam’s own feelings. He got to be a sap in the guise of it being a joke, and Ronan would get a kick out of it.
Obviously, he also added the Murder Squash Song for good measure.
Next up was a card. He could have bought one — his budget would have allowed it — but all the store ones were godawful and Adam couldn’t even imagine giving one of them to Ronan ironically.
Luckily he had an ace up his sleeve.
The first time that Ronan had stayed over at Adam’s after they were together in the very early days of their relationship, Adam had woken up to a frozen Ronan with a handful of strangely lovely flowers, the exact shade of blue as Adam’s eyes.
Adam had kept them in a cheap vase on the windowsill until they died, but unbeknownst to Ronan, he’d also taken one and pressed it to make a little print; his own private memento.
He was obviously keeping the original for himself, but he took it into the school library a couple of days before Valentine’s Day and scanned it, printing it out on some high quality photo card he’d ‘acquired’ from one of the Art rooms.
Once the ink was dry, he folded it down the middle as carefully as possible and put it inside his heaviest textbook to keep it folded and flat until he got it home.
He spent longer than probably necessary trying to decide what to write, but in the end, he went with:
Ronan,
I think maybe it was always you. I think it always will be. Happy Valentine’s Day (gross).
Love, Adam x
He didn’t have a nice envelope to put it in, so it had to go in a bigger manila one that Adam still had lying around. He slipped both the card and the CD inside, and wrote Ronan’s name in capitals on the outside.
He looked at his offering. It somehow didn’t seem enough.
Valentine’s Day was on Thursday, so on Wednesday— after school but before a shift at Boyd’s— Adam found himself in the kitchen of 300 Fox Way. He’d bought everything he needed to make chocolate brownies before he’d realised he didn’t have a tin in which to cook them in. He was also severely lacking in several other kitchen utensils, to be honest. One panicked phone-call to Blue later, and he had everything he needed and a helping hand.
Well, ‘helping’ was a strong word.
“Why brownies?” Blue asked from where she sat perched on the kitchen table.
“Because brownies are the best,” Adam said, frowning at the recipe he had printed out.
“Alright, can’t argue with that,” Blue said reasonably.
Adam was aware of her watching him while he slowly got out everything he needed and started weighing out ingredients. He felt unreasonably nervous about it, even though he knew that provided he followed the recipe, everything would be fine. Baking was a science, after all, and Adam was good at science.
But looking at it all now with Blue scrutinising his every move, he felt flustered and unmoored.
“I thought you were going to help,” he said pointedly.
“I am helping. I’m supervising,” Blue said.
Adam smiled at that. “I see. Are you the kind of supervisor who can grease this tin for me?”
“I suppose so,” Blue said loftily as she launched herself off the table.
Blue started chattering away after that which helped Adam calm down and focus on what he was doing, and it didn’t take long to make the mixture after that. Adam tilted the pan while Blue used a wooden spoon to scrape the mixture out and into the brownie tin.
After that, they just had to put it in the oven and wait.
Blue brewed up some of Maura’s least offensive tea as they sat and waited, and Adam finally asked what he’d been dying to all week.
“Do you know if Ronan has anything planned?”
Blue smiled and shook her head. “Honestly, Adam, I have absolutely no idea. He hasn’t said a word. I’ve barely seen him though, and never really without you there.” She shrugged. “If he’s got a plan he’s keeping it close to his chest.”
Adam nodded; he’d assumed as much. “I just want to know if I’m doing too much, or not doing enough? I dunno, it’s stupid. It’s only Valentine’s Day.”
“Yeah, but it’s your first Valentine’s Day together,” Blue said, not unkindly. “I get it.”
“What are you and Gansey doing?”
“I made him a card and found him a couple of ‘slovenly’ t-shirts at the thrift store. I’m gonna hazard a guess that he’s getting me flowers, and he told me to keep the evening free so he’s probably taking me somewhere. Wherever it is, it better not be expensive.”
Adam grinned. “Maybe it’s Nino’s.”
“God, don’t even joke, I’d murder him. Again.”
He started to laugh, and after a couple of seconds Blue joined in. When it died down, Blue put her hand on his arm.
“Don’t overthink it, Adam. Ronan will love whatever you give him, because you’re the one it’s coming from. It’s not about the gifts you get or the meal you have or how much money you spend. I think it’s more about the gesture. That’s what’ll mean the most to Ronan.”
Adam managed a small smile. “I hope you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” Blue opened a drawer and gasped, then pulled out a heart-shaped cookie cutter. “Oh my God, Adam, you have to.”
She held out the cookie-cutter towards him and he took it, sighing. “Really?”
“Yes! This way, they’ll all be exactly the same size and I get to eat all the cut-offs. Y’know, as my fee for helping.”
And that’s how Adam ended up with nine perfect little heart-shaped brownies.
Adam didn’t see Ronan that night, thanks to finishing late at Boyd’s and then having homework after.
When he woke up in the morning, he was hit by the realisation that he and Ronan hadn’t even arranged to see each other that day at all.
He half expected Ronan to show up at St Agnes unannounced with a bouquet of dream flowers and some donuts or something. But that didn’t happen, and Adam slowly packed his messenger bag for school, remembering to include the Tupperware of Valentine’s brownies and the envelope with its enclosed card and CD.
He wasn’t sure when he’d be able to give them to Ronan, but it was better to be prepared.
Adam walked down to his car, scanning the parking lot and the street to see if there was any sign of a shark-nosed BMW. But there was nothing, and there was nothing on the way to school, and Adam made it all the way through to lunch without seeing or hearing from Ronan.
Obviously, he had no phone, and Ronan hated his own phone. But Gansey had a phone, and Ronan could have got in touch that way if he had felt so inclined.
Adam didn’t know what he’d been expecting; that Ronan would show up at the Aglionby gates with a boombox over his head blasting out Lionel Richie songs? That he’d get back to his car after school and find out his favourite hooligan had broken in and left him a giant teddy bear and a box of chocolates?
It all seemed stupid now, and Valentine’s Day was stupid, and Adam was irritated that he’d let the pressures of the day get to him. It didn’t matter. It was a meaningless day.
So why did he feel so deflated?
At the end of the day, he caved and asked to borrow Gansey’s phone.
First, he sent a text that said: it’s adam, i’m about to call you so answer the phone
He gave it a minute until he’d seen that Ronan had read the message, and then pressed the call button.
“Parrish,” Ronan said in lieu of a hello.
All at once, like always, Adam was happy to hear Ronan’s voice. And yet he still couldn’t quite shake his irritation, even though the one who’d got his hopes up was himself.
“Hey,” he replied. “Listen, were you planning on coming over tonight?”
“Nope.” It was a little difficult to tell, but Adam thought Ronan’s tone was just a little off. “You come here.”
Adam sighed. “Ronan, I have school tomorrow so I wouldn’t even be able to stay that late. Can’t you just come here?”
There was a long pause. “Opal wants to see you.”
“So bring her with you.”
“Are you kidding, Parrish, she’s filthy. She’ll mess up the interior.”
The BMW wasn’t exactly spotless inside so this seemed a flimsy excuse. Adam started to wonder whether Ronan even wanted to see him at all.
“If you don’t want to see me today that’s fine,” he said, tone clipped.
“I didn’t say that,” Ronan said, tone just as clipped.
It felt like they were heading for a fight. Adam didn’t want to fight. He wanted to give Ronan the stupid sentimental CD he’d made. He wanted Ronan to make fun of him for the brownies. He wanted a hug.
Adam was abruptly exhausted, and it didn’t matter that he’d gone to the effort and Ronan hadn’t. He just wanted to see him.
“Okay,” he said. “I’m gonna go home and shower but then I’ll head over to you.”
“Okay, good. See you in a bit,” Ronan said, and hung up.
The sun was down by the time Adam pulled up at the Barns. The heating in Adam’s car was dodgy enough on a good today, and today wasn’t a good day. It had barely come on, so his hands were like ice as he got out of the car.
He walked straight in when he got there and made his way to the kitchen. He hovered in the doorway; Ronan’s back was to him, a tea towel strewn over one shoulder, straining pasta over the sink.
Adam rapped his knuckles against the door-frame and Ronan turned around.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Adam replied. “You cooked?”
Ronan shrugged. “It’s just spaghetti.” He gestured to Adam’s messenger bag. “You brought homework with you?”
All that was in the bag was the Valentine’s gifts for Ronan, and he shook his head. “Nope.”
“Okay,” Ronan said with another shrug. “Sit. Let’s eat, I’m starving.”
Adam pulled himself a chair out, and it scraped against the floor noisily in the otherwise quiet. He waited for Ronan to finish serving up and then asked, “Where’s Opal?”
“No idea. Haven’t seen her since this afternoon.”
Adam took a bite of his food. It was good. “I thought you said she wanted to see me.”
“She always wants to see you,” Ronan said smoothly. “I’m sure she’ll turn up when she spots your car.”
They finished eating in near silence, Adam waiting for Ronan to say something— anything— to acknowledge the day. But he didn’t, and the longer the silence dragged, the harder it seemed to break it.
Adam started towards the sink to do the washing up afterwards, but Ronan stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“Just leave it, Parrish.”
“But—”
“Leave them. I’ll do them in the morning.”
Adam sighed, uncomfortable in the tension. He didn’t know what to do now. Did Ronan just want him to leave? And if so, why had he told him to come in the first place?
“Look, do you know what day it is?” Adam asked, unable to take it any longer.
“It’s Thursday,” Ronan said, chin jutted out, arms crossed. Adam glared; Ronan clearly knew exactly what day it was.
“Okay, great,” Adam said tiredly. He opened his bag and pulled out the Tupperware and the envelope. “Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess.”
He put them on the table and stepped away, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. He watched Ronan’s face, the expression on which had softened immediately. He looked to Adam, stricken.
“Parrish, I—”
“It’s fine, Ronan, just open them.”
Ronan snapped his mouth shut, and pulled the envelope over to him. Adam immediately felt self-conscious about his meagre homemade gifts.
“It’s not much,” he said quickly.
Ronan’s only response to this was a slight furrow in his brow. Then he took the CD out, quirking a smile at Adam’s inscription: LYNCH’S CHEESY LOVE SONG SINGALONG. It was surrounded by lots of hand drawn love-hearts that Adam now thought seemed excessive.
Ronan looked up and raised an eyebrow at Adam, a half-smirk on his face. “No track-list, Parrish?”
“It’s a surprise,” Adam said, smiling weakly, but relieved. “You’ll have to play it to find out.”
“I’ll do that,” he said with a sage nod. He put the CD down and reached for the Tupperware, pulling the lid off and tossing it aside. He looked inside and snorted. “You’ve really stuck with a theme here, huh, Parrish?”
“Hey, Valentine’s Day is all about the hearts, apparently. And to be fair, the heart-shaped brownies are Blue’s fault. She found a cookie-cutter and insisted.”
“She knew about this?” Ronan said.
“Yeah, she helped me make them.”
“That little sneak...” Ronan trailed off and let out a sharp laugh. “I asked her if she knew whether or not you were doing something, and she swore blind she had no idea.”
Adam thought about asking why Ronan had even wanted to know, but instead he pointed at the envelope. “There’s a card in there, as well.”
“In here?” Ronan turned the envelope upside down and the card slipped out into his hand. Adam watched as he took in the flower on the front, smiled a little, then did a double-take, glancing at Adam. “Hold on. Is this what I think it is?”
Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I, uh, I pressed one, before they all died. I wanted to keep it, I guess.”
“Yeah,” Ronan said, something akin to awe in his voice. “I dream about them all the time.” He opened the card and read what Adam had written there, then dropped his face into his hands.
“Parrish...” he mumbled. “I feel like a fucking asshole.”
Adam went over and gently pulled the card out of Ronan’s hand, sitting down on Ronan’s lap. Ronan’s arms circled his waist automatically and he tucked his face into Adam’s neck.
“You are a fucking asshole, Lynch. I love you anyway.”
Ronan grumbled something incoherently against Adam’s skin, and Adam smiled. “What was that?”
Ronan lifted his head so he could be heard. “I said I love you right back.”
“Good,” Adam said.
“I thought you’d forgotten. And I didn’t...I didn’t want a big deal, and this day is a fucking joke or whatever, but you didn’t mention anything. And I even thought you might borrow Gansey’s phone and like, text me or something this morning? But then you didn’t and when you finally called me you sounded annoyed and I didn’t know why, and I didn’t even think you wanted to come over. So then you finally got here and you seemed mad, and so I was mad and...I’m sorry. I was here thinking you didn’t give a shit and you made stuff for me?” He hung his head, penitent. “I love my gifts. These lame brownies smell great. I’m fucking sorry, Parrish.”
“Hey.” Adam cupped Ronan’s head in his hands. “It’s fine that you didn’t get me anything. Honestly I think I just let this whole day get into my head as having to mean something when it doesn’t. I don’t need a special day to let you know how I feel. And I’m sorry if I seemed mad. I just didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t mean to make it weird.”
He leaned in and kissed Ronan briefly. “And Lynch, you cooked for me. You made me a whole meal. I’m pretty sure we’re even.” He kissed him again, until Ronan pulled back and covered Adam’s hands with his own.
“Um...you should come with me,” Ronan said, and he almost sounded sheepish.
They stood up and Ronan swiped the mix CD off the table and shoved it in the pocket of his hoodie, before taking Adam’s hand and leading him out the back door.
Confused but intrigued, Adam followed closely behind, clutching tight to Ronan’s fingers. It was cold outside and neither of them had their coats on, which Adam was about to point out when they walked around the corner of the nearest barn and he was rendered speechless by the sight before him.
In the middle of the grass was a small gazebo tent, the base of which was covered in luxurious looking blankets. There was a laptop in the middle of the floor, hooked up to a projector which was pointing at the outer-wall of the barn. A precarious tower of DVDs was piled up next to the laptop; Adam couldn’t see the titles from here but imagined Ronan had assembled a variety of choices. There was a big thermos, contents unknown (coffee? Hot chocolate?), and various other treats; big bags of marshmallows and Hershey’s Kisses and Reese’s Mini Peanut-Butter Cups.
And everywhere, there was light. Ronan’s twinkling little dream lights, some in jars under the gazebo, others hanging in the air, changing colour, like little fireflies.
“Ronan,” Adam finally managed hoarsely. “What the fuck?”
Ronan smirked. “You thought I hadn’t done anything.”
“Uh, yeah, because you let me think that!” Adam said. He was struggling to process how cosy and romantic it all looked. Let it never be said that Ronan Lynch wasn’t an absolute sap.
“I didn’t let you think anything, you jumped to that conclusion all on your own.”
Adam scowled. “Now I feel like a fucking asshole.”
“Don’t,” Ronan said, pressing a kiss to Adam’s temple. “Anyway, this is nothing.”
“It is so far from nothing,” Adam said. He stepped forward and took a turn around, taking everything in as he walked in a slow circle, stopping when he was facing Ronan again. “I thought Valentine’s Day was capitalistic bullshit?”
“Oh, it is,” Ronan said happily. “But for one, I didn’t spend a penny. And two, a whole day where I can spoil you as much as I want to and you don’t get to complain about it? Sign me the fuck up for that.”
Adam burst out laughing. “You’ve just reminded me of something Henry said.”
“What did he say?”
“I told him that I wasn’t sure whether or not you’d do anything because we hadn’t talked about it, and he said, and I quote: ‘do you really think he’s going to let a day when he’s practically green-lit to be as obnoxious as possible about you just pass him by?’”
Ronan was grinning now. “Cheng’s pretty smart.”
“Yeah,” Adam said. He caught one of the floating lights in his hand and then let it go again. “Just for the record, I think your dreaming abilities give you an unfair advantage when it comes to stuff like this.”
“Excuse you, Parrish, the only thing I dreamt up was the blankets because they’re heated. Oh, and the projector. And the gazebo. But that’s it.”
“‘That’s it’, he says.” Adam rolled his eyes, then accusingly added, “You dreamt up the lights.”
“Well, yeah, but not for this. I already had those. And the food was stuff I already had in the house, and the DVDs are ones I already own. I didn’t want to go overboard.”
Adam stared. “You are ridiculous,” he said, shaking his head. “Come here.”
Ronan went, without question or hesitation, and Adam wrapped his arms around his neck.
“This is the sweetest thing anybody’s ever done for me,” he said softly. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” Ronan whispered, kissing a line up Adam’s neck and across his face, the tip of his nose, his forehead, “for the brownies, for what you wrote in the card...Jesus, Adam. It’s the same for me. You know that, right? It’s always you.”
Adam squeezed tighter, feeling dangerously overcome. He breathed in the familiar, comforting smell of Ronan, and then released his grip. “And for the CD, obviously,” he said.
“Of course,” Ronan said, and smiled sharply. “Speaking of...” He pulled it out of his pocket and walked over to his laptop. “I’ll let you pick a movie in a bit, but first, I wanna listen to my present.”
He popped the CD into the drive and pressed a couple of buttons on the mouse, and a moment later the opening track started to play: I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.
Ronan laughed, once, soundlessly, then came back over to Adam and held his hand out.
“Well?” he said when Adam didn’t move. “Are you dancing?”
Adam grinned. “Are you asking?”
“I’m asking.”
“Then I’m dancing.” He took Ronan’s hand and together they swayed, far too slowly for a song this upbeat, but Ronan didn’t seem to mind, and Adam certainly didn’t.
They didn’t speak while they were dancing, both perhaps a little shaken at the near-miss of an argument, both relieved they hadn’t let it get that far. Both content to be in each other’s company, away from prying eyes and expectations.
It was still early days. They were still learning how to do this, navigating firsts and futures and each other, but they were both quick studies, and Adam couldn’t think of anything more worthwhile than building a foundation— and a life— with Ronan.
There were trickier days to come, but for now, they’d survived their first Valentine’s Day as a couple. As they lay curled together in a blanket watching The Princess Bride projected onto the side of a barn, Adam thought he’d have to mark this one down as a win.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Parrish,” Ronan whispered into Adam’s hair.
“Ugh,” Adam said, and kissed him. “Happy Thursday.”
I mean, they’re both very much responsible for the hurt they’ve caused in their fights, but the narrative seems to put most of the onus and the growth on Adam. Part of the problem is that Adam is the most self-critical of the POVs, while the others brush over their mistakes a lot of the time. This means, unfortunately, that it seems like the narrative is putting all the blame on Adam. Like, Adam is constantly examining himself and his actions, which leads to growth and that’s beautiful. But, when you’ve got Adam criticizing himself on top of Gansey criticizing Adam for their fights, it means a lot of people think that Adam is the only one who needs to grow. Which is completely untrue since Gansey is just as responsible for those fights and has, arguably, said worse things that I would’ve loved to see him acknowledge and apologize for (I will never forget that fight after the hospital in TRB—that was so bad).
Also, Adam’s character growth is the best in the whole series. He goes from insisting that he has to do everything on his own no matter the consequences to accepting his friends’ help, like when Gansey and Ronan come to the trial. Which is so great because it means that Adam is growing from past mistakes, becoming a more fulfilled person, and getting the love he so deserves--just being an all-around amazing human being. However, we see none of that kind of growth from Gansey.
A large part of the tension between Adam and Gansey in the earlier books comes from Gansey trying to control all his friends’ lives (which I guess comes from his fear that they don’t need him as much as he needs them?). Gansey never seems to let go of trying to micromanage his friends. Like, in TRK, Gansey gives up Monmouth to try to make sure Ronan gets a high school diploma. He sacrifices something that is often described as a part/reflection of him for something that Ronan doesn’t want or actually need. This is detrimental to both Gansey, by having to give up parts of himself, and Ronan, whose wishes and personal autonomy are ignored (really don’t get me started on my disappointment with how Gansey and Ronan’s friendship never grew and remains imbalanced to the end of the series). I get that Gansey knows he’s going to die, so he’s trying to make sure that his friends are all taken care of; but, as I said, his controlling behavior is actually detrimental to himself and his friends.
Adam was the only one who really pushed back against this from the very beginning, leading, of course, to their fights. But while we get to see Adam learn to accept help, we don’t really see Gansey learning to let go, to let his friends live their lives how they want to. I don’t count accepting his supposedly inevitable death as learning to let go and the series ends too early to see if Gansey has really learned this post-death.
I realize I have pretty much used your reply to flesh out some other thoughts I’ve had about Adam and Gansey and didn’t really address any of your points. Sorry about that. But yeah, while I see where Gansey is coming from--his past fights with Adam making him think he might hurt Ronan--it just shows that Gansey a) doesn’t acknowledge his part in their fights and b) is kind of oblivious to Adam and Ronan’s dynamic. Like, they bicker, they’re messy, they’re learning as they go, but they work so well together and are so good for each other. I just wish that Gansey saw that before he gave Adam the don’t-hurt-Ronan speech. And I wish he thought for a minute that maybe telling Adam--who’s never known love til now and who’s working so hard to reach out to others--not to “break” Ronan--his friend and the boy he loves--is a bad idea.
@adamparrishes I sent you this anon a few days ago, and your answer inspired me to write this (although it’s a bit rushed and could be better), so here you go!
The Seven Dates of Adam Parrish (ao3)
1.
Their first date is accidental, really. Ronan picked Adam up at St Agnes and drove him out towards the Barns, but didn’t take the turn-off, instead taking them down winding country roads before parking in front of a field. He had dragged Adam into the field, Adam in one hand and picnic basket in the other. Time seem to stop as they sat on the grass holding hands, curled up next to each other Ronan pointed out suspiciously phallic clouds. As the sun set, Ronan dropped Adam back off, kissing him softly on the doorstep.
2.
Adam Parrish’s second date is a bit more traditional, though also accidental. It was a movie date, except they’d intended to go with Gansey, Blue and Henry, until Gansey got called away by his mother, Blue was roped into a reading, and Henry was off not being the third wheel to Ronan and Adam. So they got their tickets and a bucket of popcorn, and slipped into the back row of the theatre. Both of them blushed each time their fingers brushed reaching for popcorn, and Adam’s hand rested on Ronan’s thigh almost the whole time. But they had underestimated how interesting the movie would actually be, and at the first plot twist all thoughts of traditional movie date activities vanished. After they left the theatre, Ronan demanded a re-do, but this time they’d do it properly.
3.
The third date was only a date when he looked back on in. Ronan had gone for a midnight walk and, missing the now-familiar warmth of Ronan beside him in bed, Adam went after him. They ended up on the banks of a pond tucked away in a corner of the sprawling Lynch estate. The stars were bright that night, the skies were clear, and Ronan told him stories of chariots in the sky, people long dead immortalised in the stars, stories that were seeped with the same awe that Adam felt as he watched Ronan tell these magical, mythical tales. They fell asleep in the dirt and grass on that bank, later to be woken by Chainsaw’s annoyed but affectionate caw , Adam’s last thought being that Ronan was bound to end up written in the stars because that’s where he belonged.
4.
The fourth date was many dates in one, always when they found themselves pulled over in the parking lot of a tiny diner, dates with hushed laughs and feet brushing under the table. It was in the morning over plates of pancakes piled high, and at midnight with greasy burgers and greasy fingers. Sometimes Chainsaw would perch next to Ronan, glaring each time they bent across the table to kiss, or sometimes they would cram into one side of the booth, tucked into each other. But no matter how it went, these dates were alway perfect.
5.
Like many of their other dates, their fifth was spontaneous. It was supermarket runs in the night, the clatter of shopping carts on uneven paving slabs and cracked parking lot asphalt. It was the glint of Ronan’s eyes in the painful, fluorescent light of a 24-hour store in the middle of nowhere and nothing, a smile that cracked his face and a warm laugh that bubbled up through his chest like lava dangerously close to exploding. The kisses were fast and longing and burning, the possibility of more hanging between them like static electricity when they pulled away. Everything’s asleep except them, Adam’s heart pounding faster and louder than the BMW tearing down an empty stretch of highway. The world was theirs on their fifth date.
6.
There was too much time before the sixth date. Adam was off at college, and Ronan was off being a farmer, and they missed each other like a heart attack, and so they met in the middle, at a park in a small city, or maybe a large town, leaves crunching because although it was autumn and Adam had only been away for a few months, a few months was too long between kisses and walks and whispered ‘I love you’s, bittersweet goodbyes and lingering kisses over and over and over.
7.
The seventh date wasn’t ever a date. The seventh date was every moment that hung between them. Every joke, every phone call, every whispered nighttime conversation. It was every passionate word, every story they shared and every memory made. Skinned knees and skinned elbows, soft hands and soft lips, everything in between and beyond. The seventh date started in Ronan’s childhood bedroom and ended when the universe collapsed.
