#admin: chloe

[never-to-be-homeless]

Bobby, it's kitten. I had a dream last night that my abusive ex-boyfriend shot and killed my current boyfriend! I woke up in tears and now I'm literally nauseous with anxiety. What should I do?

Hey Kitten,

That sounds awful, I know how bad nightmares can be. I know people will normally say ‘it’s only a dream’, which is true and it might help to remind yourself of that, but that doesn’t mean it can’t upset and scare you.

Just keep reminding yourself that it’s unlikely anything that bad will happen in real life, and whenever you find yourself thinking about the nightmare, do something to ground yourself, like eating something strong, drinking a cold drink or listening to music to remind yourself that this right now is real, and that the nightmare wasn’t.

You could try writing down the dream if you think it would help. Maybe write it down and tear up the paper afterwards? And if you feel yourself getting too worked up and anxious about this, remember to take deep breaths and maybe try some breathing techniques. Try breathing in and counting to 7, and then breathing out and counting to 11. Breathing out for longer than you breathe in is usually calming.

I hope this helps, and I’m here if you need more advice.

Bobby

[never-to-be-homeless]

Im going out with my friends and their friends in a few hours and im now freaking out because I'm basically the third wheel friend who only 3 people know and im awkward and introverted and im being plagued by a feeling of dread right now - kaya

Hey Kaya, it’s Bobby.

I’m so sorry we couldn’t get to this sooner, kiddo. How did it go? I hope it went well, and I hope you took some time to yourself afterwards. Talking to people and socialising can be pretty exhausting when you're introverted, so make sure you've taken some time to recharge, ok?

I hope it went ok, and remember for next time, it's ok to say no to these things. I'm sure your friends will understand, being around strangers can be scary for a lot of people. But if you did manage to go, I'm proud of you!

Bobby

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey, it's Cecilia. I've always had issues with sexual activities and I've never been 100% comfortable (for reasons I don't wish to discuss). Tonight my boyfriend and I were, uh... Doin stuff, and my cousins saw me with my top off and immediately said "gross." They're all older than me and I get that it's a normal reaction and it shouldn't be a big deal but I haven't felt this uncomfortable in my own skin in a long time. I immediately closed in on myself and I just can't handle this right now...

Hey, Cecilia, it’s Meg.

You’re right that it’s a normal reaction from the,, and it might help to keep reminding yourself of that, but the way it's affected you isn't that uncommon either, and your feelings are still valid. Hearing someone say that about your body, no matter why they said it or who it was, is bound to make you feel uncomfortable, so don't feel bad for feeling this way.

The important thing to remember is, your cousins have probably already forgotten about this completely. You'll remember it for a lot longer than they will, and it's not something that will stick in their minds. As for the way you feel about yourself, here's something you can try. Try giving yourself one compliment for every bad thing you think about yourself. Even if you keep re-using the same compliments, although it's good to try and think of new ones. Even if you don't quite believe it, think of that compliment anyway. It won't take too long for that to become a habit. And once it becomes a habit, you should slowly start to believe it.

No matter who you are or what you look like, you're beautiful, I promise. Everyone is. You probably don't believe me right now, and no amount of being told that will help, but sooner or later, hopefully you'll get there yourself and see that it’s true.

- Meg

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hello there, my name is M. I have found that being around a lot of people for long periods of time exhausts me physically and mentally, like I go home from a gathering and all I want to do is sleep because even though I didn't really do much at the gathering I am exhausted. I don't know if this is an okay thing, is it like exercise and I need to spend more time around lots of people to be less tired, or is it okay?

Hey M, Bobby here.

That’s completely ok, kiddo. It’s basically what it’s like to be an introvert. Some people get their energy from being around people, and other people need to be alone to recharge, which is completely fine. Being around people for longer will probably just make you stressed, and it’s ok to need your own space. No need to feel bad!

- Bobby

[never-to-be-homeless]

It Laura again, thanks Bobby. I have people to help talk to me so I think I'll be okay. Thank you for all the kind words of support. I'll try to keep fighting instead of bein a idjit. :)

No problem, kiddo! And you’re not an idjit, you’re pretty brave for talking to people and for keeping up the fight. I’m always here if you need me.

Stay safe,

Bobby

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey guys, my name is Emma. My parents are divorced and I go between houses evenly. Recently I've been getting really sick of my dads partner who is the biggest bitch with the shortest fuse. I need to move into my mums house for my own mental health but I really don't want to leave my little brother to go back and forth alone. What should I do?

Hey Emma, Bobby here.

I definitely think moving to your mums is the best idea. Can your brother not move with you? If not, why can’t he? Is it because he doesn’t want to, or the travelling distance?

Either way, if being with your dad and his partner is affecting your mental health, you can’t stay there. Not only is it making your life difficult now, but it could affect you even in the distant future. I know it might ound selfish, but you come first, ok kiddo?

Let me know if your brother can’t move with you, and maybe we can figure something else out.

Take care kiddo,

Bobby

[Admin note: This is literally the exact same problem I had several years ago. Spending equal time with my parents, my dad having a horrible partner, and me wanting to live with my mum but worrying about my little brother and what he wanted. In the end, I carried on the way I was, living with both of them. And I can tell you that I regret it. I wish I had put a stop to it, because putting up with my dad's partner made my anxiety and depression so much worse. I thought it might help you to hear some advice from someone who's been in almost the exact same situation <3]

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hi, Bobby, Megan again. Thanks so much for answering. I guess I'm scared to go to counseling... To be honest, I met Nick (my late boyfriend) when we were in a psych ward. It was more functional than it sounds from that, but I guess I'm afraid of ending up back there... I'm a small town girl, and murder just doesn't HAPPEN around here. I feel like I got a glimpse of a world that wasn't mine. Thanks for your time, sweets <3

Hey again Megan,

I promise, they're not likely to send you to a psych ward. They'll only do that if you want to, or if you're in danger of hurting yourself. So there's no need to worry about that. I know it probably seems pretty scary to talk to a counsellor, but I would definitely think about it, because it really can help.

If not, just talking to a friend or someone else might help. You might want to spend time with your friends, or more time alone, whichever one helps you. And whatever makes you smile, keep doing that. This will get easier, I swear to you. It takes some time, but it always does.

- Bobby

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey! I haven't been here in a while, but it's SE again. I believe I was speaking to Bobby before? Anyway, I received a phone call from a blocked number today. I didn't answer, but I listened to the voicemail. The person spoke with a weird voice and called me a whore. Then, someone else in the call screamed "skank" and the voicemail ended. I think I know who it was, but I don't know what to do. I've never done anything to the person I think it was, or anyone else. Do you have any suggestions?

Hey again SE,

I'm sorry kiddo, those people sound like dicks. I wouldn't jump to conclusions though, I think it's be a good idea to talk to the person who you think it was, and find out. Don't go blaming them without proof. Even if you're certain it was them, you want to be careful.

If you know it was the, then what you do is up to you. You might want to ignore it, or you might want to stand up to them, and whatever you think is best or easier for you is ok. But if you're friends with this person or talk to them a lot, I would definitely cut them out of your life. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

I know it's not easy, but honestly, I would just try and put it out of your head and forget about it, because it was a horrible thing for them to do. Don't let it drag you down, kiddo. You're better than that. You’re a good person, SE, and don’t you forget it.

- Bobby