#misc stresses

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey, um, anyone who's okay with talking right now? I'm Gabby and it's just...I'm going to college tomorrow, like moving in. And this used to be a great grand idea but as the deadlines getting closer,the more my anxiety is kicking into gear. I've...

Gabby middle 1(I can’t remember it all so I’m sorry for and miss-steps!) Me. I’ve barely been away from home and cried last time I slept over my friends house. I’m worried about my family and my grades and while I’ve acted mature for most of my life Gabby middle 2:I’m not sure how just acting adult is supposed to get me through when I still don’t know a lot and I’m trying to make my family proud.(I’m sorry for the issues & if this doesn’t align properly with the last part but thank you for this) ..me now. I feel like the world is caving in and while I know there are people around and near me, it’s like I’m in cellophane and I can’t quite reach anyone that I see. I’m really sorry that this is so long!

—

Gabby, love, you’ve reached Crowley.

Moving into college is an incredibly stressful time. So before I say anything else, I want to reassure you that what you’re seeing is entirely normal. Millions of students before you have had these same exact fears. Millions have thought ‘everyone else can do it, but it’s me who’s the exception.’ And they’ve all been wrong. Your feelings are real and important and valid, and I’m not trying to take away from that at all. But really, darling, all the evidence suggests that you’re going to be just fine.

No one expects you to be a full fledged adult entering college. School is a transitional time, a period of living away from home without really being on your own. You have RAs and professors and dorms and dining halls and advisors. And you have peers. Peers who are all in the same boat as you, all scared and lonely and homesick. Some are just better at hiding it than others. You have a safety net at school, Gabby. If you use the resources offered to you, you’ll be perfectly fine. College students have vastly varying levels of maturity, and freshman life is structured to offer each the support they need to thrive and make school their home away from home.

My biggest suggestion is to talk to people. Everyone. Make friends with students, talk to your RA for advice and support and guidance, get to know your professors. And call home every now and again. It’s not weakness, and it’s not letting anyone down. You can stay connected to your roots while still branching out into the new world college is opening up to you. And that’s one of the great things higher education does. It lets you find your feet in the adult world while still being there to catch you if you should fall. You’re going to be marvelous, Gabby.

Yours,Crowley

[never-to-be-homeless]

so my school messed up my schedule and I was placed in an AP class for Juniors when I'm a Sophomore. They did that instead of putting me in my art class which I auditioned to be a part of. Now it looks like both of the art classes I auditioned to take are during the same period so I might have to give one up? now I won't know what my classes are until the first day and I'm really anxious and scared about not knowing where to go. I also don't know if my friends will be with me in my classes - Ky

Hey, hey, Ky, it’s Gabriel here. Take a breath, take a breath, alright? I can tell you’re panicking a bit, but it’s gonna be okay. I can’t promise exactly what’s gonna happen, but it’s gonna be okay.

Schedule issues happen all the time, kiddo. I’m sure there’s someone at the school you can talk to to try to sort some of this out before school starts. And if there’s not time, just go into the main office the first day and ask for some help. There are people there whose job it is to sort through this stuff, and I promise, they’ll do their best to work everything out. Don’t worry too much about missing class- it’s the first day, you won’t miss any material, and teachers understand working out scheduling conflicts. That’s one of the reasons the first few days are so slow, to give everyone time to get sorted. Of course it’ll stink if you can’t do both of the classes you want, especially since they were auditioned, but it’s not the end of the world. You’re a sophomore, you still have a couple years at that school to take the class.

As for your friends, you probably won’t be with all of them, but you probably won’t be with none of them. It’ll be some sorta middle ground. But you can always see your friends at lunch and after school- it’s not like you can’t see them outside of class! So take a deep breath. I know a new school year is stressful, but I promise, everything’s gonna work out. It’ll be okay.

Your angel,Gabriel

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey Gabe, it's Su! I've had so many things happen to me in the span of 5 days that I'm incredibly stressed! I haven't been this stressed since high school! I got a speeding ticket carrying 4 points, have to go court next week to reduce said points, played 20 questions with my parents bc I wasn't careful about moving some weed out of my bro's room for him, worked a 12 hour shift in between a full time work schedule, had a fight with a dear friend, and got a flat tire on top of all this. Help? :(

Hey, there, Su. It’s Gabriel.

Take a deep breath for me, alright, kiddo? Can you do that? It sounds like you’ve had a crappy couple days, and I get why you’re freaked out. But let’s try to break this down and look at one problem at a time, okay? If we approach this with a level head, I don’t think it’ll seem quite as awful.

First of all, your speeding ticket. That really sucks, and it sucks that you have to go to court. But in the grand scheme of things, Su, it doesn’t matter nearly as much as you think it does. Plenty of people get speeding tickets, and the world doesn’t end for them. It’ll be a bit of money, but try not to stress about it too much. You’ll pay the fine, you’ll move on, and you’ll learn from the mistake so it doesn’t happen again in the future. Tickets are more of a lesson than anything else. You’ll be okay, and from now on, you’ll probably be a bit of a safer driver.

As for the incident with your parents and the shift at work, I can understand why those would have stressed you out, but they’re over now. The stress is done and past. Holding onto it doesn’t do you any good. Take a deep breath and let it go. Those problems are over with. Same with the flat- it’s annoying and stressful in the moment, but you fix it and you move on. It’s okay- it’s over now.

What happened with your friend? Maybe if you give me some more information I can help you work through the situation. Right now, all I can suggest is taking some time for the both of you to cool off, and then sitting down to sort it all out calmly and respectfully. You might have to do some apologizing, they might have to as well. But you both have to listen to each other and work through this. Sometimes conflict can make a friendship stronger, because you learn how to settle your differences. So chin up, hon. Fighting with a friend sucks, but again, not the end of the world. You can totally fix this. I bet your friend misses you just as much as you miss them.

I hope things start to turn around soon! I’ll be sending you good vibes.

Your angel,Gabriel

[never-to-be-homeless]

Gabe it's Etch. I really only have social anxiety, making friends and presentations are what cause issues. Usually I text one of my friends from home and they help me calm down, not many people here know about my anxiety. I am starting to think that it is probably me getting sick of the food. When I have time (probably Friday) I will go to the store and pick up some pasta and sauce and other things I can make in my microwave.

Hey, Etch, it’s Gabriel.

That makes sense- dining hall food isn’t generally that bad, but there isn’t a ton of variety. Let me know if changing things up a bit helps, alright? Hang in there- the semester’s halfway over. Only about two months left, then you’re home free, and good food is yours again!

Your angel,Gabriel

[never-to-be-homeless]

My friend told this guy that I liked him; it's funny how true that is- buts obvious that he's somewhat uncomfortable around me because of this. Do I keep distracting myself? Or should I come to terms with the fact that it's not meant to be?

Hello, love, it’s Crowley. Do you have a name I can call you by in case you come back to talk again?

That’s really awful, what your ‘friend’ did. To be quite honest, they don’t sound like the best friend at all. But anyway, as to your question should do, I think you have to play it by ear. If this boy doesn’t seem to like you, it might be time to try to move on. I know, that’s easier said than done, but you can kick this crush, the less you’ll allow it to grow bigger. And besides, you don’t want to spend all your time pining over someone who doesn’t even like you back. Rejection always stings, but it’s part of life. And there’s a lot of other people out there. Chances are, you haven’t even met the person you’ll really fall in love with yet. You’re young; there are a million possibilities, and a lot of time to find 'the one.“ This might not be meant to be, but that doesn't mean you'll never find love. It just means it'll take a little while longer, and you have to keep looking.I know it’s hard, love, but keep your chin up and rely on your real friends to get you through this. And don’t let this one rejection discourage you from loving in the future.

I’m here for you if you ever need to talk, alright?

Yours,Crowley

[never-to-be-homeless]

I'm going apartment/job hunting next week and I was wondering if you could give me some positive vibes to help calm my nerves. I'm scared things aren't going to work out (even though I have a very good feeling about an apartment I'm going to view!)

Hey, there, it’s Anna! Do you have a name I can call you in case you want to come back and talk again, or let me know how this goes?

Apartment hunting can be nerve wracking, yeah, but it can also be super exciting! Independence is an awesome feeling. And job hunting is always stressful, there's no getting around that, but remember to breathe, present yourself with confidence (even if its a little bit fake), and smile. You'll get a job somewhere- there are endless opportunities for you, so make sure it's something you're excited for. Good luck! I’m sure this is going to work out great for you!

Let me know how the search works out!Love,Anna

[never-to-be-homeless]

(part 1) Hey guys, I'm Eva. I usually talk to Castiel, but this time around it's kind of urgent so I need a quick response from anybody who's available with a good solution. Long story short, my parents are in town (causing me ridiculous amounts of stress and anxiety with every step) and staying with my boyfriend and I. They neglected to mention that they were bringing my younger siblings as well (so I've had those two to watch over too since my parents see me as assumed babysitting). For a...

grand total of six people in our small two bed-room house. Too many people and not enough space for my introverted self, and now tensions are high. My parents decided to clean my house yesterday (because all of the dust and cat dander is apparently making my mom ill from allergies, I feel bad but it’s nothing I can really fix) and during said cleaning spree my very high-strung cat scratched my brother. So they chased her up the stairs with the fucking vacuum cleaner, pardon my French. Naturally my cat is now terrified of them, and is acting out by hissing and swatting at them if she feels they come too close (even if they’re just walking past the table she’s under). They don’t seem to understand my boyfriend and I’s explanations as to why that was a TERRIBLE idea (despite having cats for years themselves, and I distinctly remember my mother having a high-strung cat when I was younger and if I pissed him off it was my fault for being stupid).To add onto it, my parents have now decided that they’re going to leave a day early (I was going to go up with them and visit everybody back in my hometown) despite dinner plans being made with multiple people, I have to clean, do laundry, pack, etc. while giving me about five hours notice. I won’t even have the time to tell my boyfriend goodbye properly since he won’t be home from work until after their ETD. I voiced how upset I was and they bitched at me and then left the kids. I promised all of my friends I was coming up to visit them. In conclusion; I’m stressed out, anxiety ridden, feeling guilty about something that’s not even my fault but I can’t rationalize it to myself, sleep deprived from being so stressed out and anxiety ridden on my lumpy couch, and unsure as to how I should proceed. Any ideas? Thank you for listening, if nothing else. Yours, Eva.

Hey Eva, it’s Dean. 

I’m sorry you’ve going through the ringer like this. Family visits are meant to be enjoyable, not a friggin’ pain in the ass. It sucks pretty damn hard that you’re having to deal with it all. 

It sounds like your parents aren’t really interested in listening to your point of view. Honestly, talking to them is all you can really do in this situation. Maybe it’s best to tell them how it made you feel after it’s all done with-- that way, the situation has passed, and it won’t feel as upsetting and stressful for you. Hindsight might also give them the opportunity to recognise how difficult they were and the kind of pressure they put on you. You could always ask your boyfriend to speak to them as he’s an outsider of sorts, and they might listen to his opinion. After all, he’s not technically family, and as you are family they might consider their behaviour perfectly normal.

The other thing you could do is travel back to your hometown by yourself. Tell them that it’s too short notice for you to leave a day early, and insist that you travel back on your own. That way they might realise how important it is to you to have that extra day, and they may give in. 

I mean, the best thing to do is just know that it’ll soon be over. Soon they’ll go home, and you’ll have your house back. Then, maybe keep the parental visits to a minimum of only holidays, eh? 

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help, Dean. 

[never-to-be-homeless]

Oh my god!! Hi Dean. Sorry. It's Sheena. I just want to scream. I do my niece's hair (daughter of my other sister, not Connie). She started high school and I don't want her to go feeling she doesn't look her best, so I don't mind doing it. What's driving me nuts is the fact that my sister won't bring the girl to me. I'm not asking to be paid for it because they're family and it's usually simple styles. Why won't she even *try* to hear me when I ask her to come to me for (1/3 *s)

(2/3 *s) her daughter’s a free hair-do??? I’m not even asking her to do this all the time, just ever other or every third time! Why won’t she work with me? I feel trapped because if I say “I’m not going,” that leaves my niece without her hair done and I feel bad. It’s not her fault my sister’s being so … whatever she’s being. I’m going to end up going, and when I bring up her sometimes driving to me *again*, she’ll have some sort of excuse. If I ask her to pay me, she’s not(3/3 *s) (she’s the stingiest of us). I’m also afraid she’s going to make my niece sound like *she’s* an inconvenience when she’s not. I don’t want my niece to get caught up in it. I don’t know what to do.

Hey Sheena, it’s Dean. 

Long time, no speak, kiddo. I’m sorry you’re coming back to me all pissed. You were doing so well before– it must really suck for you. 

It sounds like your sister knows exactly how to play you. She gets that you wanna be there for your niece, and not leave her feeling down about her appearance. Your sister knows how to manipulate you, and that is real, real low. I would suggest speaking to your niece, and letting her know that whatever her mom says, you don’t think she’s an inconvenience. Tell her that you love doing her hair and you want her to look and feel good no matter what. Once you’ve let your niece know that, you’ll be able to confront your sister without making your niece feel bad. 

I guess it’s kind of a Catch 22 scenario. You’ve gotta decide what’s more important to you– helping your niece or standing your ground. And I know, that’s a real shit decision to make. It’s not fair on you or your niece. I’d go and do her hair, and then privately let your sister know that next time, you won’t be travelling to her. Remind her that your time isn’t free, and although you’re family, it’s not always easy for you to find the time to travel out to do your niece’s hair. I think you just need to be firm with this one. 

I hope this helps, sweetheart. Good luck, Dean.