#admit mistakes

[parastitch]

[postersbykeith]

[juliaridulaina]

Inconscients?Unconsciouss?Inconcientes?

The Manicouagan Crater and the St. Lawrence River by NASA Johnson is licensed under CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0 Potser hem perdut la consciència La gent ens discutim per minúcies, coses tan irrellevants que es diria que encara som a pàrvuls. Slogan: Feu un pas de coratge i rebreu mil vegades d’ajuda. Cal valentia per reconèixer els errors. Quan es fa aquest pas imprescindible per obrir la consciència, es…

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[hypergraphic-rhino]

godsss i love dave malloy

[i-am-the-experimenter]

Primitive defence mechanism: Acting out

Acting out is performing an extreme behaviour, that is destructive to self and/or others, to express negative thoughts or feelings the person feels incapable to express in another more helpful way, e.g. by talking out, expressive therapy, psychodrama or mindful awareness of the feelings. Extreme behaviour may be deliberately bad or be a thoughtless wrongdoing. The acting out is usually anti-social and may take the form of acting on the impulses (e.g. drinking or drug taking). Alternatively, the person acts out to get attention (e.g. throwing a tantrum, storming out of the room or behaving promiscuously) or get power (e.g. shouting when feeling powerless or punching a hole through the wall). Acting out can be associated with self-esteem issues (e.g. acting out to distract another person from their wrongdoing).

When the person knows that they are doing wrong, they may seek to protect themselves from society's eyes by hiding their action. They may also use other coping mechanisms such as Denial to protect themselves from feeling shame.

The repressed, unrecognized, destructive anger can turn against the self, e.g. self-injury, psychosomatic symptoms, becoming accident-prone, attempts of suicide, or unconscious acts of self-sabotage or destruction of relationships, work, and so on.

When a person acts out, they “release pressure”. However, reflecting upon internal feelings is a more mature coping strategy which is required to discover the source of negative feelings and solve the problem. Developing the ability to express one's conflicts safely and constructively is an important part of impulse control, personal development and self-care. Personally, I often regretted about acting out and rarely about withholding my emotions. However, it sometimes seemed to be impossible to stay strong.

Crying is typical of me when I find myself in very stressful situation e.g. conflict. Crying helps me to de-stress, but it would be best if I did not cry in many cases in the past, but rather had acknowledged my mistakes, confessed and brought my apologies to an affected party. The best idea to try in the future is to avoid talking when I get overwhelmed, when my analysis of situation is impaired, otherwise I can say something I have given very little thought about: it may be words which unintentionally hurtful or lies, some of which pass me by unnoticed.

What I should do, in my opinion, is to try to find a way to escape from the situation, if possible, without drama. I can inform others I feel overwhelmed and need time to calm down. After this, I need to avoid thinking about possible excuses for my mistakes such as “I was provoked”, “it was an isolated incident”, “this is just who I am”, or “my mood is to blame”. I struggled in the past to take responsibility and admit I was wrong. This made problems to escalate, brought me unnecessary stress and my memory would get reconstituted so that I suffer less from the guilt and my self-concept is preserved. Now, I know that it is best to admit mistakes irrespective how hard it can be, so the healing can start straight away. Even if it means that my confession can push away the people – they deserve to know the truth. I must accept consequences of my mistakes (P.S. anger of another person is fine, but abuse - no). What I should do next is to discuss how another person and me are affected by the situation and how to solve it. If I do all these things, I would not have to defend an incorrect position and would show that I respect the people affected by my actions.

Important thing for me is to remember to be kind to myself, not to think I am a failure overall, and to believe that I am stronger that I think.

My failures are hard to admit, and it is even harder to speak about them online when I do not see many others “confessing their sins”. Despite it may be repelling for others to read, I find it useful to write about my mistakes online – this way I hope to become capable of admitting my mistakes more readily when needed.

There’s plenty of information about how not to lose control and how to admit your own mistakes. Good luck with your research of the topics.

[i-am-the-experimenter]

Being hypocrite, or pointing fingers outward without recognising your own mistakes

Another “psycho” behaviour which I and two of my exes exhibited is pointing fingers outward without recognizing their own mistakes, especially in a heat of conversation about relationship problems. This may make a person want to adopt perfect traits to avoid such unpleasant talks. I think my partner and I could just think in such moments: “I am cornered, and it is unfair I will be thought of as a bad person when he/she did things much worse in a similar situation”. It is not nice when you are blamed instead of being told in a nice way what you did wrong, how it affected your partner and what can be improved. Our defences can be stronger with the closest ones, who can hurt us the most, potentially. You don’t want to get hurt, you don’t want your partner to be angry with you or think bad about you, you don’t want to be abandoned, you don’t want to listen about your mistakes because your self-esteem is wobbly – there’s so many possible reasons. It sometimes does not matter whether your partner shows signs of aggression or anger. This line of defence makes happiness in relationship harder to achieve, turning the partner off you. I think that people who had negative past experiences can stay on guard as adults. I can, for example, see the same type of behaviour my overly punitive parents had: they always pointed out my faults and were merciless at this. This comparison is so unpleasant. Realising one’s mistakes requires a great deal of responsibility, humility and ego strength. When I look back, I see that people could notice mistakes in me which I became aware of only much later. This makes me want to be more open to criticism, especially if it is not offensive (I cannot trust the opinion of a person who is unstable enough to offend). I sometimes overreact when I hear criticism, even constructive one i.e. I can get sad for a few days about it. However, I will try to develop more self-awareness by focusing on the content of criticism rather than thinking whether I should be offended by it or lose hope in myself. I wish my partners would also listen to my critique. I found a good phrase which suits best here: “You may with the battle, but you will lose the war”. You should keep perspective on what’s important in relationship, and it is – to understand each other, make another to feel comfortable with you, become a better person, create a better relationship – this all is more important than to prove you are better than another person. Also, I think that if people got together, they want to stay together, and it is extremely unlikely that your partner would just want suddenly to hurt you. S/he can be angry, can be critical, but there are so many reasons for this, and no matter on which side you are, the one to blame or a critic – you need to treat your darling at least as good as other people you value, love and care about. Just communicate your feelings, without being a victim or being offensive. For example, rather than saying, "You made me feel terrible when you forgot to call me. What were you even doing? You ruined my whole night. You always disappoint me," you could say, "I noticed that I started feeling insecure when you didn't call me. I think I tend to use those situations to feel bad about myself. I'd like to work on feeling more secure in myself. And it would mean something to me for you to make an effort to stay in touch." How can you have no desire to protect the latter, to do anything for him/her? This person is open about his/her feelings, has self-awareness, does not want to attack you. I want to be like this person. If you want to disprove your partner in something, try to do it without turning conversation on him/her – just bare facts. Another useful thing to have is compassion to others who criticize us in a respectful manner – I think it may be not nice to suffer for them from my behaviour and equally not easy to express their opinion. If you are the one who wants to criticize another - challenge your judgements, think about possible explanation this person may have to calm yourself down.