I know I shouldn’t not not like her and it isn’t her fault. I don't know her and I don't hold anything against her. Except for her ability to have any kind of hold on you. Just know that I am just jealous. I am jealous that she has all of the time I wish I could spend with you and it is making you question me when you shouldn’t because you know the truth. The truth that you are in love with me and see yourself with me in the end, like you said. I feel this in my heart. Like you also said that you still want me. So why waste her time or yours? You know it’s coming. You have said you have already thought about breaking up with her before your surgery and even a little before that but you feel bad because she is so in love with you. That you just want to avoid the "I like you but I am not in love with you" speech, like you have also said. And all of this is just because of your guilt and that our trust between us has been altered since both of our mistakes. I’m not saying our path would be easy. Because it’s not. We would have to work at our relationship and re-establish so much. We just don't have to re-establish our love because we feel it so naturally for each other. As we always have. I just know we are meant to be.
I miss you. I miss everything that you are giving her. I miss having actual conversations about what you are thinking. What you are feeling! Where you are in life and the things that bother you. Maybe talking to me makes them too real? And you want to distance yourself from me?...
I would do anything to be able to sit in your lap and to hold each other. For you to touch my face and chin like you used to. I can’t believe how much I miss that since I never liked anyone doing that to me before you. I would never say any of this to you while you are with her not wanting me to go after you. And because of how disrespectful and inappropriate it is. Just know that in all that I am, when we are near or far, I think about these things nonstop. How I know somewhere in you, you feel the same way! You still want to reach your hand out to me because I have seen you do it. How YOU offered to come see me in my time of need when I never would ask that of you because of our situation. How you held me even then. How you still call me babe. How you consistently remind me how much you love me. How proud you are of me. How you still see us together even now. How you can't deny what we have talked about for the two minutes in the car I felt you. The you I am in love with. Please just spare us what I and everyone around you knows. You are in love with me and not her. That she is fully in love with you and that you are going to hurt her regardless of when you do leave her. Whether it be for the truth of how you feel about me or another woman. That you don’t really care for her that way. You care for her as a good person I am sure she is. I would know since I went through this too.
She would have to be a good person for you to question everything between us... No one likes breaking hearts or having theirs broken.
