I've seen some people online ponder about who they are "without DID." I've seen some people that have this idea that they aren't complete if their idea of themself as a whole can't be fully separated from DID. I don't view myself this way; Not as an alter, and not as a system.
My DID influences every aspect of my life. When I mask, I still have to work around the dissociative amnesia--amnesia that will continue to lower with time and healing, amnesia that we have made great strides in reducing and accommodating, but is here today nonetheless. When we unmask, we obviously each want to do the things we enjoy, and embrace who we are in these moments. For me as an alter, and us as a system, we all obviously have to work around cPTSD symptoms and PTSD flashbacks that can strike at any moment.
There's nothing wrong with this. As in: There's no personal failing in having symptoms of a disorder you have. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make the most of your life, your brain, and your lifelong disorder.
I am more than my trauma, my symptoms, and my hardships. And so are my alters. It's true that the trauma, the DID, and the abuse as a whole are what turned us into alters of each other, rather than one whole; We never asked for these things to be done to us, but we can't go to the past and force the people mistreating us to stop, and we certainly can't change what we are now with the snap of our fingers. I do not deserve to live my life feeling like a before-picture, or a work in progress, or something broken.
I developed DID because my brain knew it was the only chance I had. And it worked. We got out alive.
To me, my alters, my system, is not a sign of us being broken. It is a sign of us being resilient.
At the end of the day, we are whole as long as we work together. And we--whether as a unit, or as an alter--each have more to offer to the world than what was done to us.
"I" might be divided into multiple personality states, but those can all still be happy, fulfilled personality states.
