31 - a-embers ~ I am Satan 😂
31. things you said at my grave
@a-embers
It shouldn’t have been surprising, not really anyway. After all, she knew what happened, how things went, especially with men like him. Men like him lived boldly, but never for long. Even so, that knowledge didn’t lessen the weight in her chest when she stood before his stone in the darkness.
She stood above him, staring down at his name carved into the stone and hating it. How could she not? She was tired of the ground swallowing up the people she loved, tired of her heart being rendered to pieces to be buried with them.
“Did you know that I loved you? It’s hard to imagine that you didn’t know at least a little bit. I mean, I tried so hard to give you everything that I could, because I wanted something else for you, something different for both of us, even it couldn’t be something together.” Her voice was softer than anyone usually got to hear it, devoid of the lilts and the purrs, it was unshielded and bare.
Shaking her head, she quietly sat on the cold damp ground, a hand going down to the ground. It was cold and hard, unlike him as she’d known him. This was what was left though, only cold and darkness all over again. She wanted to be angry, that was so much better than this. Anger was easier, it consumed and then she could just keep going, but she didn’t have any left, all she had was this painful ache.
“Every day is like getting the news all over again. It’s fine for a moment and then it just comes crashing down all around me. I know I’m not the only feeling it, but it feels like I’m completely alone with it, with all of this hurt closing in and it – it feels so heavy. I loved you, and without you here it feels like chains on my heart. These feelings have nowhere to go because they can’t get through this ground to you.” When had she started crying? She didn’t know, but now her throat ached with the painful lump and her voice trembled, hot tears falling freely down her face.
Her tears turned to sobs. There were no dramatics in this, no exaggeration typical of her, but the sight would’ve hurt him if he got to see it. After all, she’d crafted herself so carefully over the years, made sure no one ever got to see what she didn’t want them to. He had though. Somehow he’d slipped into the cracks of her and seen it all. It was terrifying at first, and now it just hurt.
She didn’t know how long she stayed there, how long she sobbed, but when it finally started to slow she ached horribly and her throat felt raw. Everything was cold, and her skin was chilled from the dampness of the ground beneath her. Even so, she didn’t move, save for the slight lift of her head to stare at his name with red puffy eyes. “I hate this Adrian. I hate missing you. I hate loving you and not being able to do anything about it. I just… I hate that you’re not here, even though there’s barely six feet between us right now. I wish you were here, I wish things were different because I still love you so much, and now – now I can’t even remind you that I do.”
