#aflred

[cryptid-creature]

Joey Batey

Like if you agree

[herteardrop]

Incorrect quotes: Batfamily + My favorite vines pt. 1

Dick: Tim, ask me what kind of tree I have.

Tim: No.

Dick: Tim ask me what kind of tree I have.

Tim: No.

Dick: Just- Tim ask me what kind of tree I have

Tim: What kind of tree do you have

Dick: [zoom to Chris Pine picture on top of pine tree] It’s a Chris Pine

Officer: Detective, this is a crime scene!

Batman: [holding 3 tubs of ice-cream] What? Is this the murder weaPON?

Batman: [closes refrigerator door] Get oFF MY DICK!

Stephanie: [doing Yoga] Release all of the sounds that are trapped in your mind~

Jason: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Professor: Alright Ms Brown, your total tuition comes to $22,000

Stephanie: [looking through purse, shaky voice] do you take teAr DrOpS?

Damian: Hey, you have anything to eat?

Jason: I got noodles.

Damian: Ey, you ain’t got no tissue

Jason: I got noodles.

Damian: How are you living?

Jason: [with tears] I’m not

Bruce: Two shots of vodka...

Bruce: [continues to pour the whole bottle]

Barbara: Hey, how much money do you have?

Dick: Uhh, 69 cents

Barbara: Ah, you know what that means~

Dick: [sobbing] i don’t have money for chicken nugget

Bruce: We got work to do-

Jason: [singing] I don’t really wanna do the work todaay I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t really wanna do my work today I don’t wanna do the work today.

Bruce: What? What’s this?

[The bat boys continue to do a synchronize dance with the same lyrics.]

Civilian, trapped to a bomb in a building: Help! Please! Someone?!

Batman: [jumps and faceplants to the ground]

Civilian: I’m going to die!

[Building explodes.]

Damian: [searches up map of U.S.A]

Damian: So I am confusion.

Damian: Why is this one Kansas? But this one is not Arkansas?

Damian, tapping the screen violently: America exblain! Exblain, what do you mean it Arkansaw?!!

Barbara: Okay go ahead, introduce yourself.

Stephanie: My name is Stephanie with a B, and I’ve been afraid of insects my entire life-

Barbara: Stop stop stop, where?

Stephanie: Hm?

Barbara: Where’s the B?

Stephanie: [scared] TheReS a BeE?

Cassandra: Hi, welcome to Chili’s

Cassandra: [shatters a glass on the floor]

Bruce: There is only one thing worse then a rapist.

Bruce: [reveals another word] Boom.

Jason: A child.

Bruce: No-

Alfred: Alright children, come downstairs I’ve bought Mc’Donalds

Dick: [JUMPS FROM THE CEILING]

Damian: Hurry up, we’re going to be late to school!

Tim: Bruh chill I dunno why you in a Big Time Rush.

Tim: [smiles at the camera]

Fergie: I could whip you up, fix you up, straight away~

Fergie: Coming in the front door, leaving out the backdoor, whip it-

Dick: -i’M GAY

Stephanie: When there’s too much drama at school, all you gotta do is

Stephanie: walk awaa-aa-aay

Tim: So basically what I was thinking of is um-

Jason: [punch]

Tim: Oh fuck! I can’t believe you’ve done this.

[woehasjoined]

rebeccaebreeds Alfred, barking orders to the builder. He was a great help. 🐶

[timhanley01]

Batman #22 (April/May 1944) Written by Alvin Schwartz, art by Bob Kane (supposedly) and Jerry Robinson

After escaping Batman at every turn over the course of her first few appearances, things got more difficult for Catwoman in the mid-1940s. Superheroes had become respectable citizens, and villains now had to be captured and punished. No one could escape the law and even Alfred, disguised as Batman, was able to capture Catwoman now. Even worse, her nabbing was especially ignominious because Alfred decided that Catwoman deserved a spanking for her felonious schemes. It was a far cry from her early days of easily escaping Batman with a dazzling kiss.

**The Many Lives of Catwoman: The Felonious History of a Feline Fatale is out July 1**

[highbleaching]

Taryn all of these are so perfect you’ve made it so my other followers have zero chance

[girlsguidetopowertools]

aflred replied to your photoset “look what i got and hmmm wife?”

She'll be a marriage option in the next update!

oh good! i saw she wasn’t and got sad. i knew shane was going to become a marriage candidate but hadn’t heard about anyone else [and if i had, i didn’t know who they were because everyone’s just completely obsessed with shane?]

any idea when the update’s coming out?

[teenagecriminalmastermind]

Jeremy Irons is the best Alfred so far pass it on

This man is sass personified I swear

[oniongrass]

Basically I like thinking about crime.

actual line from Matt