I'm gonna say it to myself. Never. Ever. Talk. To. Men. You. Do. Not. Know. Even if they just wanna know which Bus is the right one they need to take.
I was also confused and the Bus wouldn't come. So he took me around town, helped me find the right one and bought me a coffee. I never really talked to him only answered when he asked something. Two hours later I we were sitting in the Bus and he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I will never talk to strangers again. I was literally having a panic attack once I got out of the Bus.
My idiot thoughs about family , men, life below after watching Skam Croatia and reimagining my life
Sometimes I still wonder which life would have been better - to have had a father that left and just sent money occasionally and totally forgot I exist, or to have had a present father you are kinda afraid of.
Like I just watched Skam Croatia and whenever I see characters just living with their mothers and being sorta ok like Eva I wonder couldn’t that have been me? Yeah her life isn’t perfect, and if her mother wasn’t a doctor or something they would financially struggle, but at least at home she doesn’t seem stressed , her arguments with her mother seem like normal arguments and they didn’t have a man around to ruin the mood and threaten them so they shut up because they are disturbing his holy peace. Like I remember I would be arguing with my mum exactly like Eva, and my father would come in the room without knowing ANYTHING about what was going on and once he yelled so hard he would beat me up if I didn’t shut up and we didn’t stop arguing and making noise. So everyone was obligated to shut up so his mood wasn’t disturbed and he didn’t lash out or whatever. Like I couldn’t even have a normal teenage argument with my mum without him intervening and telling everyone to shut up. And then he would pay for shit so like paying and having more money than my mum meant he had to be automatically forgiven for anything bad he did. And now some bitches are probably thinking oh well maybe at least he was a good husband like yeah he never hit my mum or insulted her (to my knowledge) and like last year I had to remind him to call her on Valentine’s day oh and once my mum freaked out in the car about something she was afraid of (not gonna say what) and my father got annoyed at her crying and freaking out so he just stopped the car told her to get out and dumped her on the road alone outside of the city on some hill ….and I was afraid to say anything to anger him and I was too shocked he did it to say anything, and he didn’t seem bothered or worried about my mum at all, then drove a bit and turned the car around to go get my mum who was just on the road alone crying …yeah top tier man right there…Like once I told my father how a friend of mine told me her religious father was beating her up because she wouldn’t pray , and instead of my father saying how that’s awful or condeming it he said “well her father pays for her shit and will pay for her university right, so she shouldn’t complain how he treats her” so like if a man (even a person’s father who is obligated to take care of someone till they’re 18 ) abuse them it doesn’t matter because money is more important.
Jesus Christ I fucking hate how I grew up and the people I grew up around. Maybe an absent father and just my mum and being broke would have been a better option than being legit afraid of men and having paranoia. Like I cannot imagine a man not being abusive or toxic in some way, shape or form. I just can’t. I feel like even the nicest men like these guys from work are secretly awful at home because it’s impossible a guy is actually genuinely normal. Like I have given up on dating because of that, I just don’t want to date a PROBLEM when I spent my whole life trying to get away from problems. Why would I let a problem in my life when I finally live alone for example? Why would I want a man to live in my space and RUIN IT and make it STRESSFUL? i guess people who grew up in normal households don’t see dating and relationships as stress , but I just see them as that. I know not all men are like that, but I don’t even want to risk it. I also have health issues that will probably skyrocket under a bit more stress. Being alone is calm and safe, living with a man is at worst hell at best he just sits there watching tv and doesn’t want to talk about anything and you’re basically alone , but with someone living with you
I need advice on how to stop being uncomfortable around female to male transgender people because of a deep seated psychological fear of the male gender
