helloooo, i felt so excited when i saw the kiss prompt list, they're all very interesting prompts! could i get ''i hate your guts but still want to make-out with you'' kisses + unknown? 👀💖
Kai! Hi, I hope you're doing well!
Unknown - "I hate your guts but still want to make out with you" kisses
The walls of the cell you call your bedroom feel like they’re about to fall down on you. It’s hot, too dark, even in the middle of the day. For the hundredth time, you wonder if Unknown keeps this room as a self-inflicted punishment, or if the role of second-in-command just isn’t as prestigious as everyone makes it out to be.
You keep these thoughts to yourself, though. To say them out loud would mean to make yourself a traitor to the Saviour, and you definitely aren’t in the mood for a few nights in the basement. At least this cell has a bed.
You’re lying on it now, staring at the ceiling and listening to the sound of typing from the desk a few steps away, only interrupted by Unknown cursing under his breath every few minutes. You’re supposed to be sitting next to him, like he told you to, but he’s been working for so long that he probably didn’t even notice you get up.
Work hasn’t been going well. You are only allowed to know snippets at a time, though you pick up more from rumours and eavesdropping. The same word always flies around: revenge. Revenge on V, revenge on that redhead.
It’s your job to touch up his roots the second they start showing. The connection to the latter enemy is clear enough to you. It’s something personal, something uniquely painful. You try not to pry, more focused on keeping him together than breaking him apart for his secrets.
Your relationship to Unknown is one you have a hard time explaining. You showed up at Mint Eye a little while ago, lost and looking for guidance. You saw the light in the Saviour, or so you thought. The magic quickly wore off (especially after you started hiding your Elixir doses), but it was too late. You had started working with Unknown and had become too entangled to ever leave the walls of Magenta. Not without him, anyway.
You start calling it hate so that you don’t have to call it love. It’s easier, safer to sum up the things you hate rather than the qualities you love.
And there are things you hate. You hate the disdainful way he talks to you and the believers that get in his way. You hate the sleepless days and nights you spend sitting in uncomfortable seats, acting as seemingly nothing more than an accessory. You hate that he’s the one thing keeping you from freedom.
However, you can’t admit that you don’t want to leave his side, even if he won’t let you do anything useful. You know that just being there helps him more than he’ll ever say. How are you supposed to explain that when he finally collapses next to you after nonstop days of working, you’re the only one he lets soothe him to sleep? How he looks at you the first few seconds after he wakes up, slow blinking and vulnerable, before his eyebrows crease again and he slips away from you again?
No, it’s easier to hate.
He curses again and the chair creaks as he shifts, trying to find a position to sit in that doesn’t make his back ache. You count down, just a few more minutes before you go intervene, pry him away from his desk for a bit so he can finally get some rest.
Sure enough, he groans and hits the desk with his fist, and it’s your sign. You get up from the bed and go to his side, making enough noise so he hears you coming. From experience, you know that sneaking up on him is a bad idea.
You put one hand on his shoulder, but he grumbles and shrugs it off.
“Oh, now you want to be useful? Too late, doll.”
“I’m tired. Please, come lie down next to me?” You ask, making your voice softer for him. He won’t ever do anything to help himself, but maybe for you.
He huffs but doesn’t shake you off when you brush his hair off his face. Your hands are practiced, you know that when you gently rub at his temples, it relieves the headache that is always beating in the fog of his mind. He must be drained, it’s the only time he lets you take care of him like this.
“You couldn’t even sit where I told you to. What makes you think you deserve to sleep?”
You nudge his chair with your foot so that he’s facing you, and continue running your hands through his hair, pushing it away where it was sticking to his forehead.
“I know I haven’t been helpful today. But I can help you now. You’re in pain.” He glares at you but sits still. When you finish, you pull back a little, but his hand snaps up and grabs a hold of your wrist.
“Yes. You can help me now.” He tugs on your wrist so you have to step forward. He pulls you a little more and you climb onto his lap, his hands already finding their way to your hips. This isn’t what you had in mind, but now that you’re so close, you can’t resist threading your hands through the hair at the nape of his neck and pulling him closer.
He kisses you hard, desperate, like he has forgotten what it feels like to be this close to someone. The chair creaks under your joined weight as you shift on his lap, trying to pull him closer. You bite his lower lip and he growls.
You hate the bitter taste of his mouth, a reminder of the elixir he downed earlier. You hate how hard his fingers dig into the skin at your hips like he’s reminding himself that you’re his.
You hate that he doesn’t already know that.
You pull away and he lets his head fall against the back of the chair, a string of words falling from his lips that you barely catch. When he looks back up at you, you can tell that he has given in, that he’ll follow you without complaint. Instead of getting up, you linger for a second on his lap, taking in his features. He never lets you look at him like this.
You hate the foggy look he gets in his eyes after he takes the elixir. The way it messes with his words so that they all jumble together. You hate how he hangs off the saviour’s every word and lets her poke at his bruises. You hate how he lets her ruin him.
What you would do to have him let you put him back together. For now, you just collapse on the bed and pull him to you. It will have to be enough just to hate him.
hi Grace, i don't think we've ever talked before but happy new year and happy blogiversary! before i created this blog i used to stalk yours all the time, i absolutely love your writing which inspired me to make this blog and try to write something, too. you're a big writing inspiration to me. i'm glad you're here! and i'm glad you decided to share your content with us. 🖤
Aaaaaaahhhhh! Really?!?? Really really????
Oh my goooood 😭😭😭 I'm honored! Thank you so much for sending me this unbelievably sweet message 💕 I'm truly grinning so big right now.
I'm so glad you're here! You're wonderful, and I hope you're having a beautiful first day of the new year ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
hello, hope you're doing well! for the ask thing, 5 and 20? 👀🖤
Hello Kai!!!! :D thank you for the asks 👀💖💖💖
5. favorite little detail in a drawing you did
Ohh!!!!! I loved to make this little references to my Dragon Age oc ( his portrait and vallaslin ) also a tiny little thing from a story i had in mind (need to draw this one .-. )
20. what do you think youve improved on the most over the past year
i think the way i color my drawings is soooo much better now!!! i my anatomy improved a little bit too 💖
hi Faye! for your valentine's day prompts, could you do Saeran + 42? 💖
Kai!! Thank you so much for the request! I hope you enjoy <3
#42: Holding their hand while walking, even if there isn’t a crowd
Your friends always joke about how you and Saeran hold hands wherever you go. The truth is you’re always touching in some way. Thighs pressed against each other under the table at meetings, your head resting on his shoulder after a long day, his arms around you when you’re falling asleep. And yes, always holding hands.
In the beginning, when he reached for you, it was out of a need to feel you near him. When you were the only person he knew in bustling rooms full of strangers, he held your hand like you were his only tether to reality.
In the too-big, too empty living room of the bunker, you sit touching each other. Despite the fact that the sofa is big enough for you to both stretch out and be comfortable. It’s like you’re trying to keep the emptiness out by keeping each other close. When his head gets heavy with old doubts and memories, holding your hand is what reminds him that you’re real, that you’re with him.
His fingers are slender, with bitten nails. He’s been working on breaking the habit though, and they’re better than they were when you first got to know him. The skin of his fingertips is soft, and it never fails to make you shiver when he delicately traces them over your skin. They are always cold, no matter how warm it is, no matter how many layers he’s wearing. He tells you it’s bad circulation. It doesn’t stop you from trying to rub some warmth into them any chance you get.
Over time, has learned to trust that you’re not going to disappear. He reaches out to you not out of desperation, but out of a want. A desire to feel the warmth of your fingertips. To feel connected to you.
There’s supposed to be a full moon tonight. The air is cold, chill winds carrying the promise of winter. You’ve wrapped yourselves up in scarves and jackets and have decided to go out to watch it. You live far enough away from the city for the lights to not block out the night sky. On a night like tonight, you feel like you could reach up and touch the stars overhead. Like you could pull them down one by one to give to him.
You lie side by side on a spread-out blanket, arms linked and fingers intertwined. You’re not sure how long you’ve been out for. Time seems to move differently on nights like these. Lying still, the cold has gotten through your layers and you try to suppress a small shiver. He feels it anyway.
“It’s getting cold, let’s go back inside. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.” You already warm at the thought. He makes you the best hot chocolate you’ve ever had.
He gets up and holds his hand out to help you up too. He doesn’t let go of your hand once you’re standing. You can’t help a small smile that he notices.
“What are you thinking about?”
“You still hold my hand, even though it’s just us out here.” He hears the affection in your voice. Does he know how much these small things still fill you with such happiness? You hope he does.
He squeezes your hand and returns your smile. He doesn’t need to say anything else.
You make the walk back home together, hand in hand with nobody but the moon and stars to watch you. You wouldn’t have it any other way.
In his freedom, he learned that he’s allowed to do the things he so desperately wanted to do before. He’s allowed to look at the sky for as long as he wants. He can eat when he’s hungry and sleep when he’s tired. He can hold your hand.
He doesn’t need to explain that need to you. You feel it too.
hiii, for the spring prompts, could i get Ray + 9? hope you're having a lovely day 🥰❤️
Kai!! Thank you so much for the request <33 I actually had quite a good day considering I had a full day of classes, I hope you're doing well <3
I really really loved this combination, it was so fun to write! I hope you enjoy <3
#9: Cheek kisses
The hallways of the compound are quieter than usual on the walk back to your room. The only sound comes from yours and Ray’s footsteps. You haven’t run into another believer on the whole walk back. If you weren’t so wrapped up in your feelings, you would find it suspicious.
Your heart sinks a little lower with each step closer to your room. You’re dreading having to spend even more time alone in that pretty room. Having to leave Ray. Every morning, it seems like he has been showing up more tired, more desperate. You’re scared of what happens when he’s not with you.
Your feelings for Ray sneaked up on you without you even realizing it. Now, you find yourself overwhelmed with the need to protect him and more than that, the want to be near him. With each day that passes you check your phone more often and jump up at the slightest sound outside your door.
He takes you on walks out to the gardens and brings you pretty flowers when he comes to see you. Your heart flutters at the thought of him. More than once, you’ve imagined cupping his face in your hands, breaking that terrible distance between you, and kissing him. Maybe that way you could communicate to him all the things you haven’t been able to process yet.
You arrive at the door to your room disappointingly quickly. He seems to feel it too, slowing down as you walk down the last corridor. When he looks at you, his eyes are regretful.
“I’ll leave you now… make sure you get enough sleep, okay? I’ll be thinking of you as I work!”
You don’t want him to go. What you want to do is hold him close to you and promise that things will be better. You want to hold his hands and run your fingers through his hair and make sure he sleeps too. Instead, you take a step towards him, close a lot of the distance between you, and kiss his cheek.
Your proximity makes you feel giddy, the floral scent of him makes your heart jump in your chest.
Ray’s whole body tenses. His skin burns and he makes a small sound of surprise. When you step back to look at his face, his eyes are wide. His cheeks are flushed and match the little hits of pink in his hair. His gaze flits left then right, as if he’s considering running off down the hall. You reach for his hand, hoping to stop him from leaving for just a minute longer.
“What was that for? Did I do something wrong?” He asks, more to himself than you.
You reply anyway, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t want you to go yet, I miss you when you’re gone.”
He raises a hand to his cheek in disbelief. You don’t break eye contact with him, willing him to understand. He's usually so fidgety, you're not used to seeing him this still. It's as if you managed to flip a switch that finally allowed him to catch his breath.
You hold on to him and wait. His body eventually relaxes and he squeezes your hand softly. His cheeks are still red but he gives you a shy smile. “You miss me?”
So much. All the time. “Yes,” is all you can muster. Sensing that he’s calmed down, you reach for his other hand.
“I’m so happy.” He says softly. “Just knowing that you’re thinking about me will make work bearable.”
All you can do is nod. Your heart aches at the thought of him spending another sleepless night stuck behind screens. “Will you come see me tomorrow?”
His smile widens, “I will! I’ll bring you fresh flowers.”
“All I need is to see your face,” you say. “Goodnight, Ray. Promise me you’ll get some sleep tonight?”
He winces as if remembering a lecture. He repeats the line he’s told you countless times before: “Don’t worry about me. I just need to push through this. I'll be fine.”
How do you make him understand? That you need him to be so much more than fine? You pull one of his hands up to your lips and kiss his knuckles over his glove. “Please? Get some rest for me?” It comes out as barely a whisper.
His eyes follow your every move, widening again in surprise. He inhales sharply and nods. Good.
“Can you… do that again? To say goodnight?” He asks, his voice small. He looks at the floor and tenses up like he’s ready to run again.
You laugh under your breath. Hearing him ask for something he wants makes you happier than you expected.
“Of course.” You pull him closer by both hands and press your lips to his other cheek, lingering for longer than you did the first time. Then, you pull away and kiss the knuckles on his other hand.
hellooo Faye, once again congrats on 100 followers, it's so deserved! i'm so glad you're here and that you've decided to share your lovely content with all of us! ♡
for your event, i was dying to send something in when i saw your post!! my favorite character would be Ray, for the activity i was thinking about how lovely a drink & paint date would be with him! (except we drink tea instead of alcohol hehe) since painting is a hobby of mine and i feel like he would enjoy that, too. as for the extra info about me, i'm more of an introvert; it takes me a bit to get comfortable around a new person. i enjoy spending time with my loved ones doing whatever, and i really enjoy those warm, comfortable silences but also talking nonstop about whatever comes to mind.
thank you for doing this and good luck with your exams, i'm sure you're gonna do great! ♡
Kai! Thank you so much! I appreciate you a lot <3
If you were to look at Ray’s desk in the server room, you’d find it littered with little scraps of paper full of doodles and sketches. A flower in bloom, the pattern of a believer’s robe, a small figure that resembles you. His notes are bordered with small patterns and figures. He’d never tell you about it, worried that you’d think he’s strange or think they’re not good. They’re mostly a way to clear his head and ground himself.
He doesn’t know how to explain the rush of warmth he feels in his chest when you tell him how much you enjoy art. He understands you completely when you explain what it feels like to be able to express yourself through art.
On a sunny day, you set up a date in a gazebo in the gardens of Mint Eye. He manages to find supplies for you, anything you could wish for. On a small table, he has also set up a pot of tea and a selection of little cakes and treats. Tucked away amongst the freshly-trimmed rosebushes, it’s almost easy to forget where you are.
It’s quiet as you both decide what you want to paint. He’s hesitant to get started. Putting his brush to the paper feels very permanent. What if he makes a mistake? You’re sitting facing opposite each other, so he can’t see what you’re doing, only your expression as you work. He can’t help but wonder what you’re thinking about.
He has never painted before. He likes the way that it makes him slow down and consider each brushstroke. Whereas his sketches are about getting out an idea as fast as possible to empty his head and continue working, this feels more intentional. He wants to make something he won’t hate when he looks at it (and something that you’ll hopefully like too).
It’s quiet as you both get started. There’s just the sound of leaves rustling in the wind and birds somewhere in the distance. Neither of you mind it that way. You’ve come to realize that you trust Ray possibly more than anyone else in this strange place. The silence here in this open space doesn’t feel threatening, as it sometimes does in the halls when you pass groups of believers. Instead, it feels safe and calming.
The silence is interrupted when he refills both your cups of tea. He was sure to ask for your favourite flavours. As you put down your cup, you start to make conversation. The air feels light and free, and you want to talk to him, to make up for all the times that he’s gone and you can’t. You want to ask him questions and hear what he has to say. Ray is happy to listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind. He likes feeling like you’re opening up to him. In turn, he tries to open up to you too. Being known by you feels safe.
When you finish, you decide to count down from three and then show each other what you’ve painted. He’s shy to share what he’s done, worried that you’ll think it’s a waste.
Of course, you love it. He has painted both of you standing together, from the back. The scenery around you is not a place you recognize. You’re looking out over water, surrounded by flowers. No details are sharp, everything is wispy, a sort of suggestion. It’s perfectly Ray.
You give him your painting, and hope that looking at it can brighten his day when he’s feeling down (it does). You put his painting in your room, somewhere where you can look at it often. You can’t help imagining a day where you can look out together at something other than this compound.
helloooo, for the questions, may i ask for treasure and ladybug? 🖤
Hi Kai!! Thank you for asking <33
treasure; what was something that made you smile today?
I tried out a new recipe I've been wanting to make for aaages now and it turned out well! My family also tried it and liked it so I'm very pleased!
ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?
I had to go through my sad playlist for this one to see who popped up the most and the answer is Mitski. Her lyrics are really heartbreaking and hit home when I'm sad.
Slow and brainfoggy, mostly. Hopefully I’ll feel more productive this evening!
32. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?
Either I’d like to go to a beach somewhere, or to visit my best friend (maybe both??)
40. Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?
I LOVE the beach. Lazy beach days are my favourite part of the summer. I also love swimming in the sea, so I’d have to say I prefer it sunny (although the heat can be a nightmare sometimes).
