#aftermath anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 8

aftermath anon, closeted anon (2?), engineering anon, intrusive thoughts anon, poetry anon

aftermath anon

I understand, I am sorry for asking. I cannot seek professional help rn, and my partner isn't willing to communicate much sadly. I guess I will try to manage myself, thank you though! Can I at least ask what your opinion is on me, like, a bad or rude person? I am sorry if I come off like that, my partner usually says that and I want you to know I didn't mean anything that could come off wrong! Thank you for answering, even though you won't listen to my main problem, the fact you answered makes me happy!

Hi! I mean I don't know you, but you haven't come off as bad or rude at all. I do want to say though...if you and your partner are having trouble communicating, I really don't think you should be doing things that require a lot of communication. It sounds like you have some things to work through first. Trust and open communication is important in a LOT of parts of a relationship, and it seems like that's what you need to be focusing on right now.

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closeted anon 2

hey cas, i think i'll be today's closeted anon??

how do i cope with a homophobic family?? like a few days ago i told my mother that i want to pursue fashion designing, and she sat me down and straight up lectured me for an hour or so about how the industry is so focused on the lgbtq community (which idrc about, they're all such beautiful people), and how she doesn't want me to mingle with such people. she sees homo/bisexuality as a mental disorder, and that's why im not even allowed to now discuss my career with her or my dad anymore, as she thinks i might be bi as well. which im pretty sure i am, but now i feel all suffocated because i'm not allowed to talk freely with my "family" anymore, all my sibling have been brought up this way too. i've been following your blog for a while and finally decided to tell you this, i'm sorry if it's a long yap but i've seen your previous asks and i thought you'd get this better than anybody else. thanks.

Hi! I can't tell if you're the same closeted anon who's written me in the past?

Anyway, the fact that your mom is relating a career choice to a sexuality is insane. One doesn't cause another, and that's so unfair of her. I'm so sorry she's not supporting you and her homophobia isn't okay at all. If you want to be a designer (whether you're bi or not) you absolutely should be!

I'm here if you ever want to talk more!

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Intrusive thoughts anon

I'm not saying this in a complaining way at all- I truly do not mind how long the ask was- but I didn't copy it here because I was nervous about word limit lol

I think it's okay that you didn't want to win! I understand why you feel that way and you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

As far as your friends...I mean, they can't control their parents, but they can control what they promise you. They need to stop making commitments they can't keep, and I completely agree with you that you need to stop expecting so much and putting in so much to the relationship. It sounds like they're not respecting you, so why respect them? I think your message was great, and I'm proud of you for communicating your needs respectfully.

For your family...I honestly think it's a really common thing for siblings to experience very different things from their parents. It's very frustrating and can really affect self-esteem and even drive siblings apart.

I know it probably doesn't mean much but I personally am glad you didn't listen to your intrusive thoughts.

Happy Ramadan! It started on the 28th, right? You're right, brookies are amazing.

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Engineering anon

and I will try to find it, I doubt so though. But, I practiced a lot with fake skin and I started with the places noone sees, like thighs mostly, so I don't think it will affect my possible future job yet, but I really wanna learn!

Thank you for advice!!! I don't mind using myself as canvas, but to make them hide easier, I usually don't make them on noticeable places, I still visit my family sometimes after all. And about the piercings, I didn't know that, I will ask my brother for a few aid things then! Though I know general first aid and how to take care of bleeding injuries etc, it shouldnt be that hard I guess? Thanks for answering-

No problem! I'm gonna be honest though, as much as I believe that everyone should have power over their own bodies, this really does make me anxious. I looked up all the dangers of self-piercing and self-tattooing and yeah. I'm not judging at all but I really think it's a risk.

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poetry anon

Hi!

Wow, the poem you sent me is...very relatable, and I think it's a great way to get those feelings out. I don't think it's dumb at all, it's really moving. I do have to ask though...is telling about that topic snitching, or is it helping someone who needs it?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 5

judgement anon (new), aftermath anon (new), oscars anon (new), long rant anon (new), group work anon, cis or trans anon

judgement anon

Hey my friend told me you can ask for advice and talk to people here without any judgement so I thought I would try. I have some questions. I'm really confused at the moment because she/her pronouns don't really feel right for me anymore but neither do he\him I'm not sure if I'm nonbinary either though so do u have any advice as to how to figure out what fits me best ? Any advice is welcome 🫶 thanksssss

Hi!

Honestly I can't tell you if you're nonbinary or not, but if you have some supportive people in your life (your friend, maybe?) could you try experimenting with your gender a bit around them? Maybe ask them to try some different pronouns for you, try dressing in different styles, try different gendered terms, etc. See how it feels! Don't do anything permanent yet, just play around with it! It's okay to figure out what you like and don't like by trying different things out, you know?

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aftermath anon

Hey, would you answer an ask related to .... (deleted the rest of the ask for privacy)

Hi!

Unfortunately I'm not comfortable with that...even if I felt comfortable giving advice about things related to sex, I feel like this particular subject is so nuanced that I wouldn't want to accidentally make things more difficult. I think though, with any relationship issue, communication is key, and if that doesn't help, there's nothing wrong with looking to a professional for advice.

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oscars anon

hello hello! i know my problems aren’t nearly as big as some but could i just rant rq?

im so so so so so genuinely upset that timothee chalamet didn’t win the oscar. i do really think he deserved it. hes worked so so hard for everything. i think he should’ve won the first time for his performance in call me by your name (but he was going against gary oldman who is an insanely talented actor and of course deserved his win) but i do genuinely think that he did so amazing in his new movie and he deserved that oscar and you could just see it on his face how upset he was about it. (i do not know him personally but that’s just how i read people it might’ve just been me)

sorry for the rant i just felt that it was important to me

Don't be sorry! I understand, I was frustrated with some of the results as well. Remember though, award shows can be skewed for a number of reasons. Just because he didn't win doesn't mean he's not amazing.

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long rant anon

this is going to be a long rant.

ive been friends with D since 1st grade and N since 3rd grade. I've been friends with S since 6th grade and G since 8th/end of 7th grade. I've also been friends with this girl P since 1st grade as well. I'm in ninth/tenth grade now (sort of in between we're done with our finals so we're doing tenth grade material) and from 8th grade to the first half of 9th D, N, S, P and I were a friend group but it broke up. Im still friends with all of them I guess (only P i can definitely say I'm SOLID friends with because stuff has happened with the others) but basically P has her friends, D and N and besties and S and G are besties. That's great and all I guess but where am I? P is a social butterfly always fluttering around everywhere and I'm extroverted too but idk. It's like i constantly have to calculate who and how to hangout with S, D and N without losing any of them and that hasn't worked out well. I was ranting to my cousin and she said that I have to stop playing middle man because both sides will resent me for it and that makes sense. If I choose S then I lose D and N. Honestly? I'm not THAT close to D but N is or was atleast (idk where we stand at this point) one of my best friends. And they're a duo so if I lose one I lose both. And if i choose them then i lose S. Im a very non confrontational person and i HATE fighting things out it's just emotionally exhausting for me and S is the same. If we have issues we sort it out without fighting. Which is the stability i need in 10th grade because we have this thing called board exams? they're national level exams and they're really important.

I've thought about choosing a completely different path. what if I just don't choose either. i choose my friend K, Z and R. we're in the same class and they're exactly the stability i need in 10th grade AND being in the same class gives a much bigger advantage. But in that case I lose both sides. If I stray away from S we might just stop speaking and if I stray away from N and D, I'm just scared they won't understand?

Every morning I talk to K, Z and R. D comes into my class expecting me to talk to her. Like sure K, Z, R and i are in the same class and I could talk to them later but I just WANT to talk to them then. It's kind of awkward to have D there as well and i don't know how to get her to stop because I feel bad for semi ignoring her. And we're not that close so idk what to do 😭. and N? maybe we were better friends when we were younger. maybe it just isn't really working out but I don't want to LOSE TOUCH with her? like how can I be her best friend without being her best friend. the best way to explain it would be like a relationship with no labels except it's a friendship? because her "best friend" is already D and my "best friend" is K so it's like we just slap the labels onto eachother without it having significant meaning? like yes I still want life updates i still wanna know what fanfiction she's reading i still wanna know what she's up to. i still CARE about her but how do I explain that in school id rather stay with my class friend group and hang out with her SOMETIMES without feeling compelled to do calculations to hang out with everyone fairly and not hear "omg you never hang out with us why are you hanging out with us now go away" comments from D and N?

Hi!

Honestly, I feel like friends that make you choose between them and other friends aren't great friends. Unless the person they want you tp drop is like....a shit person, and they have proof of that, then that's not fair to you.

You need to do what YOU want. And that doesn't necessarily mean making a clear choice. It means just hanging out with whoever you want when you want, without worrying about how the others will react. Because then you're forcing THEM to choose whether or not their grudges are worth losing you as a friend. And if they decide that it is, they're not worth being friends with anyway.

I know it's hard to focus on what you want, but in this case, I really think it's best <3

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Group work anon

Hi! It's group work anon :)

I just wanted to say thank you!! I spoke to my tutor, and he was really nice and understanding! I've got a new group, he mixed everything around so my grade wouldn't be messed with.

Thank you so much, I don't know that I would have been able to speak up for myself without the advice <33

I'm so glad it worked out! That makes me so happy! If you ever need anything else, you know where to find me!

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cis or trans anon

Hey it's cis or trans anon, I just wanted to say thank you sm<33 that really helped

No problem! If you ever need anything else, let me know!