Can't stop fucking crying
This summer has turned out great since a drum corps took me in on my age-out year and let me share the field with the group I strived to make and some of the people I have always looked up to. It's finally kicking in that this is it. My years of dreaming about drum corps have finally come true, but at the same time this is it. I might be able to volunteer or staff somewhere but I will never be able to be on the field as a part of DCI ever again. This time next year it won't matter how well I play or march, it's all over. I can't overcome my limits through hours of conditioning each day with a family of people that I hold dear to me. I can't get that rush as the corps is announced for the first time of the season. The moment when all of your work sinks in and you feel flooded with accomplishment. When you are crying as you hold another member close because it was that sort of run. When you are enjoying the quiet with a bus full of people reflecting on every second. When you have that final moment together as a group and you feel like the adrenaline won't go away.
No. I will get to relive the day after you get back, when there is a kick in the gut as you realize that your family is gone, that while you can still talk they have lives to go back to, that you wake up by yourself and you go to sleep the same way. That you aren't guaranteed late night talks or hugs on a really good or bad day. The worst part is that there is no comfort in doing it all again next year. It's gone. I will never be able to experience that feeling as long as I live and that realization is fucking brutal. And you know the worst part? No matter how sick I feel right this second, I don't regret one second
