@agentcalliope THE REVIEW GOT TOO LONG FOR AO3′S REVIEW BOX AND WOULDN’T LET ME POST IT SO HERE IT IS. I’M SORRY IT’S SO LONG BUT I REALLY LIKE YOUR FIC SDKSDK
I mean firstly, the only thing I can say after reading this is, wow. Wow. Holy shit, wow. They way everything builds--the capitalization, the punctuation, the epithets, the prose--to demonstrate on both a subconscious and conscious level how Azula develops. The reader is comprehending these words, but also they’re registering the way you use spacing, punctuation, and capitalization, forcing the reader to slow down/stop/keep reading at certain parts, which creates a flow that a) sounds like Azula b) portrays her mental state and c) shows her development. It’s like a crescendo of writing conventions that never stops moving, and god I just. I’m fangirling a lil bit over your writing. There’s not a wasted line, space, italicization, quotation mark, period, comma, or word in this fic. Everything serves a purpose, and the way it builds--just. Wow. I can see the work you put into editing and revising this, and I want you to know that you’ve communicated your point extremely well. I’m moved. As a reader, I’m in tears. As a writer, I’m floored (and I’m taking notes.) God, okay, time to get specific.
The stylization. This is one of my fav writing styles--the blend of poetry and narration--that I don’t get to see a whole lot, and it’s hard to pull off. I really feel like you’ve used that style to its full potential; in your hands, it feels like that style was made to tell Azula’s story. I really, really like this, so I hope you don’t mind if I talk about why? Which means analyzing; analyzing is my love language, and I love your fic, truly.
In the beginning of the fic, she is “the girl;” she is “a princess,” not “Azula.” This shows how, with her defeat, Azula has lost herself completely (”someone is screaming who is screaming”). Ozai built her for a role she no longer has, so she has lost her identity, her sense of self. So, when she accepts the identity of monster, that is something she must unlearn through Iroh and for herself.
The first time the reader reads Azula’s name (as “azula), it’s isolated by a line break and positioned right after a long, run-on thought from Azula (”he doesn’t look quite...”) and before “the boy says.” This shows how Azula’s name, her identity, is separate from a) her inner monologue and thus her sense of self and b) how she perceives the world around her (outside of dialogue). And this further illustrates the importance of dialogue in this fic; dialogue is the connection from her inner monologue to how she perceives the world. Thus, later in the fic, when Iroh speaks the first line of quotation-mark-surrounded dialogue, it shows how he gets through to her. AH THE WAY YOU BUILD EVERYTHING UP. Also, her description of Ozai in this scene as “the person she knows to love” has so much meaning. It’s like a lesson she’s learned, a fact she’s been taught: to love Ozai. The way you inject so much meaning into line breaks, and the layers of depth you add to single lines. Immaculate. I can really describe it as masterful.
Azula finally refers to herself as “azula” once Zuko says “I will never give up on you” Not only that, however, but the first time she refers to him as “zuko” instead of “the boy” is also when he says “I will never give up on you.” Also, that same piece of dialogue contains “uncle never gave up on me,” which shows how Uncle’s patience connects both Azula and Zuko in their respective healing journeys. Which, oh my god, I love Uncle’s role in Azula’s healing in this fic. His remorse for leaving her with Ozai is so tangible and painful to read. I love how you portray his characters; he comes off the page as Uncle Iroh; his characterization is so strong.
But the scene after Azula finally refers to herself as “azula,” Suki comes in. For one, “zuko and katara beat you or did you forget?” is written with a question mark, showing the significant of that line and how it affects Azula, shown in “azula screams.” Azula connects the person who is screaming with herself; she is still fracturing due to her loss. (Because her loss of the Agni Kai is symbolic of like, her failing everything Ozai built her up to be: the opposite of Zuko.)
The scene where Aang comes is where punctuation in Azula’s inner monologue first appears: “the avatar’s gray eyes are soft and full of sympathy and it makes her angry.” I feel like this is her echoing Ozai’s sentiments, especially with “a princess is not pathetic.” Patheticness was something Azula had always associated with Zuko, so these lines sound a lot like Ozai to me. But “not made to be pitied” is next, without any punctuation. This is because pity is a new emotion for her to face, and she does not associate it with “a princess,” seen in the later lines “now the girl sees not pity but weakness” What’s important here is that Azula is “a girl” again. Aang’s pity is the antithesis to Ozai; peace where he sees bloodshed and war, and it blindsides her. Bro I just, the way you communicate Ozai’s presence so subtly yet so strongly... the talent.
Also: “it makes me feel sad for you the avatar answers“ Stop making me cry!!! THAT LINE WAS HEARTBREAKING. The snippets of Aang in this fic were lovely to read.
iirc, the first full line we get, capitalized, with punctuation, is when Toph is talking to Azula: “I just wanted to tell you that I know what it's like to have Expectations to have parents that expect certain things of you. It sucks. but you suck too. no wonder everyone hates you.”
a) Expectations is capitalized, showing the significance of expectations to Azula; her mind latches onto it. (I love the significance of expectations throughout this fic and how the play into Azula’s sense of identity and healing jdkfkfAHH like with the TEA.)
b) This is where Azula’s “new” sense of self as “monster” begins to develop. “but you suck too. no wonder everyone hates you.” Both are short and with periods, showing the weight of Toph’s words.
When Katara sees Azula, iirc, we get the longest string of sentences with periods so far. Periods are becoming more common, showing how Azula’s identity is beginning to come together, but it’s an identity as monster: “your own brother. you’re disgusting. you’re a monster.” The repetitiveness and switch between your and you’re is almost like a rhythm, pounding “you’re a monster” into Azula’s head. After Katara leaves, we get the first full sentence Azula says: “I’ve never pretended to be anything else.”
Azula sees herself as a monster; she’s seeing the weight of her past actions.
When Iroh arrives, we get the longest string of sentences WITH capitalization in this point of the fic (I think): “It’s sweet. You have always loved sweet tea, my niece. A fascinating contrast.” And a new identity is introduced: my niece.
When Azula asks for Uncle after the nightmare, we get the first time a name is capitalized in the fic: Uncle. Not even Ozai has “father” capitalized. This shows Iroh’s significance in her healing journey. Not only that, but Uncle is the one that comes to her, not Ozai. This contrast between Ozai’s absence and Uncle’s presence is what begins to allow Azula to heal--and what ultimately helps her truly stay on the path of healing. I love how you build up the notion of Ozai not being there for Azula, not coming to get her. The way it culminates in the end feels like such strong, real development because of your build-up.
Once Uncle begins to visit regularly, your writing becomes more abundant with “proper” sentences. This is one of my fav examples of this:
“Uncle continues to bring her sweet tea. He talks to her. He sits next to her as she leans against the wall and speaks many tales of spirits and beautiful women. azula almost looks forward to his visits. Almost.”
Every sentence except the one that begins with “azula’ is capitalized. She’s not there yet, with her identity, but Uncle is there. And when Azula says “but I am a monster,” the fic gets its first line of quotation-enclosed dialogue:
“Oh, my dear. My beautiful niece. I don’t believe that.”
And then, right after that, we get “Princess Azula.” This is the first time Azula is capitalized, and Uncle says it. But Azula is the one perceiving the dialogue; she is accepting “Princess Azula.” Sure enough, right after that, we get this:
“Azula narrows her eyes suspiciously.”
The first time Azula refers to herself in her inner monologue as Azula. FINALLY. FUCK. This is one of the most satisfying developments in this fic, when Azula finally sees herself as “Azula,” even if she’s not all the way there yet. Your build-up makes this moment feel amazing.
Another thing I loved was how Azula is obsessed with getting the tea perfect; the tea is a reflection of herself; “She will make his jasmine tea, and she will make it precisely the way it is expected to be.”
HIS jasmine tea. Not HER jasmine tea. This shows that she’s trying to fit a mold she thinks Iroh has for her; she will make the tea as it is expected to be; SHE will be exactly as she is expected to be.
But when she fails, Iroh simply says “Let’s try it again.” When Azula fails to be “perfect,” pain and fear isn’t waiting for her. Iroh is. So when Iroh says,
“I am just an old man looking forward to trying his niece’s cup of tea, which she has worked hard on.”
This is so important. It is HIS NIECE’S (Azula’s) cup of tea, which SHE has worked hard on. In other words, it is Azula’s healed identity that she has worked hard on, and it is “one of the best teas I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing in my life.” Just. The symbolism. Fuck. So good.
Then, in the next scene, she tells Zuko to tell Aang she’s sorry. This brings back Sokka’s earlier words, “you won't ever apologize for what you’ve done or bear responsibility for your actions and we both know it.” BUT AZULA IS UNLEARNING, and that is tangible development, babey. In a way, Sokka was right, because the “you” he was talking to wasn’t the Azula that’s now wanting to apologize to Aang. Azula as “Azula” didn’t exist then; now she does. I can’t this fucking fic I am STUNNED. The way you introduce and maintain concepts to develop Azula’s journey... It’s amazing AH
“Azula cradles her own cup in her hands and breathes in the steam, letting it cling to her face.“ Bro I just wanted to say that this line gave me brilliant imagery. You perfectly described how it feels to hold a mug of something warm and breathe it in, like ahhh the sensory imagery was so VIVID.
“Zuko tears off a piece of bread, and places it on her palm. She looks down at it, her hand without crackling cackling blue fire. The only blue is the water, beautiful and clear.” Thinking bout the contrast, and how the color blue used to separate her from the world; now it joins her to it (turtleducks.) YOUR LAYERS. Another contrast I love was the one between “red drapes that used to block out the sun when it rises every morning” and “basking in Agni’s light.” This reminds me of the Sun Warriors and Zuko learning the true meaning of fire, as something full of life and light, not something that only burns. That was my favorite contrast throughout the fic, and the most meaningful to me.
Azula saying “Why not?” to Sokka was everything I need in life.
“Azula brings herself out of the palace, and back into the prison.“ Ozai is her prison. The wording. THE WORDING SAYS SO MUCH. The way she comes to Ozai--but. He never came for her. Uncle did. She has new experiences and a new sense of self; she’s not the Azula she was, and she’s not the Azula Ozai is expecting. So when you write
“Because he has made Azula into Azula, and he has done it well.”
and she walks away, it’s a defiance of everything she’s been, everything she was forced to be. Azula made Azula into Azula, and she understands this.
“This is not what she was made for.” is a recognition that Ozai forced her into a role that was never for kindness, for love, for acceptance, for change. As she learns and unlearns, unmakes her identity as a monster, she’s understanding that Ozai never intended for Azula to be her own Azula. And this means she sees the world through her own eyes, not Ozai’s:
“his eyes not wounded and sad but fierce and soft and she knows what he’s saying isn’t a lie.”
JUST. The way you built this fic. You saw more than words as your tools, and I am honestly in awe of the way you used writing conventions. This fic is so strong because you literally made everything about Azula; Azula is this fic. THE ARTISTRY. I really, really hope you’re proud of the story you’ve built. Thank you for writing.
(ALSO TOPH WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE.)
