It’s a new headcanon of mine (that’ll get crushed this episode, I know, which is why I wrote this very quickly) that as Alex slowly figures out what’s missing, that Kara might be Supergirl, she’d 100% find comfort in someone like Lena
Lena’s one glass of scotch into her lonely evening when a knock on her door disrupts the crappy tv show she hadn’t been paying attention to in the first place. Willingly or not, Lena likes solitude. Lena likes being alone, and she most certainly doesn’t expect a soaked DEO agent to stop by on a weeknight - or ever.
She’s always regarded Alex as strong and confident, and miraculously she’s exuberating it even now. Hands behind her back, eyes dull and barely acknowledging the opening door. Lena thinks she must be incredibly brave to show up like this. There had always been a gap between them, but Lena bridges it once sad eyes meet empty ones, instinctively pulls her into a tight hug.
Lena hadn’t previously been aware of the storm raging outside, too caught up in ones much closer to her heart. Though now that she sees Alex like this, all dishevelled and wet hair, she suddenly takes note of the rain hitting her windows rather harshly. The water cascading down pale cheeks could be anything, but red eyes indicate it to be mostly tears. And Alex smells of scotch even more so than Lena herself.
She’s a concoction of rigid features and legs barely able to carry her body, and so Lena helps her stumble towards the couch. In all of the time she’s known Alex, Lena’s never seen her this distraught. She’s never seen her show it, at least. Lena’s learned quickly, that repression is not something that runs in only the Luthor family. The Danvers’ tend to be quite talented at it themselves, and Lena sees it clearly in the way Alex falls onto soft leather, looking impossibly small in Lena’s dimly lit living room.
“God,” Alex groans, rubs her face and seemingly tries to get rid of an already approaching headache. Lena immediately fetches her a glass of water, can barely stand the guilt written across Alex’s features in letters too bold to be missed. Alex accepts the water with an appreciative nod and proceeds to down it rather quickly, just before a self-depreciative chuckle escapes chapped and alcohol-soaked lips. “I told Kara I’d stop drinking.”
“What happened?” Lena asks, gently. She’s being careful, feels like she ought to.
Alex merely shrugs in response, slowly and with a tilt of her head.
“I don’t know,” she mumbles, and they both know it to be a lie. “I just - I just stopped… stopping. I stopped stopping and now I’m here, fuck-”
Alex’s words are slurred, increase their volume with each syllable bitterly spoken. Lena shakes her head and places a comforting hand on the other woman’s shoulder, telling her she’ll be right back. With dry and comfortable clothes Lena leads Alex towards the bathroom so she can change, and as the latter does just that she pours herself another glass of scotch. Staying sober would be the responsible thing to do, she knows, but there are so many questions and Alex barely seems able, or in the mood, to answer them all.
And Lena can’t stand seeing her like this, so small and thinking badly of herself. She almost wants to remind Alex of the numerous times she’s saved her life, but a gentle smile on the now returning woman’s lips stop the words from going past her throat. Alex is now clad in comfortable pajamas, as opposed to a hard leather jacket, and it’s definitely not the right moment for Lena to identify the whole image as endearing. She looks so small still.
Together they get comfortable on the couch, distanced at first and then holding onto each other all at once. Lena can guess the cause for this breakdown without Alex saying one more word. She can see it in her eyes, this familiar kind of hurt only to be induced by a bashful blonde that never fails to try her best.
Lena’s turned off the tv, and all there is to be heard now besides silence is the heavy, aching beating of hearts, and the rumbling thunder outside. Every now and then a bolt of lightning illuminates the room, and it’s in between these flashes of light that Alex dares to speak again, quietly.
“Can you ever just tell that someone’s lying to you?”
Lena laughs bitterly, reminds Alex of her last name.
“Sorry,” Alex mumbles into the dark. Even an intoxicated mind can make out the indications of the Luthor name. “I just- do you ever just know you’re supposed to be close to someone? And you are, but for some reason there’s a distance, something holding you back.”
Lena nods even though Alex can’t see. “And you don’t know why, or what it is.”
Alex hums in agreement, accepts the addition as words of her own. Her voice is barely above a whisper when she keeps speaking, practically begging Lena to pull her closer still. “All you know is that it wasn’t you, who put that there. The distance, I mean.”
And it’s too familiar, aches in Lena’s chest. Every single word corresponds to some feeling or another she’s had in Kara’s presence, while recklessly looking into blue eyes. Like the damn fool she is. And at least, she thinks, she’s not the only one falling for them, over and over again.
There’s Alex now, and in between rain and thunder Lena can make out her heartbeat as they both stare up at the ceiling.
They don’t face each other again until much later, once the storm’s calmed down again and both of them too. There’s something so utterly broken about those brown eyes now regarding her sadly, and Lena can tell Alex is struggling for words.
It’s something she has never been brave enough to say aloud, but Alex is about to and Lena isn’t quite sure whether she can handle it. It’s an entirely different thing, now that she realizes it’s affecting Alex, too. Suddenly Lena feels foolish, for having regarded her own pain as bad when there’s a sister like Alex out there.
“I think Kara is Supergirl…”
Lena’s frantically beating heart comes to a sudden halt, as she realizes she thinks so too.
