#agonizer

[rastronomicals]

2:45 AM EDT May 22, 2026:

Melvins - "Agonizer" From the album Ozma (1989)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

[askvectorprime]

Dear Vector Prime,

Knowing as we do that the DJD exists to root out cowardice and treason in the Decepticon ranks, has any version of that group been tasked with eliminating the most treasonous coward of the all, Air Commander Starscream? What's their track record in the task, multiversally speaking?

Dear Slippery Seeker,

Surely by now you know that Starscream is hard to catch, harder to implicate, and most difficult to kill (well, for any substantial length of time)! As a result, the summary judgements you imagine aren't as common as you might think—but I will recount to you one instance where Starscream tangled with Megatron’s enforcers.

When they came for him, he didn’t even try to deny the allegations, having himself long lost track of his various misdeeds. Instead, he offered to pay Tarn off. Of course, no amount of money could buy mercy from Tarn—so instead, Starscream promised to supply the leader of the D.J.D. with enough morphcores to feed his addiction indefinitely, even producing one on the spot for him. Tarn was tempted, and appeared to seriously consider the offer… but when he sampled the morphcore, he immediately deduced that it was counterfeit, quickly 3D-printed by Swindle for this ruse of Starscream’s.

Tarn aimed his fusion cannons at Starscream’s head, but the Seeker just laughed. This cheap spare-part scam was itself only part of a subtler gambit: Starscream had recorded everything, and was prepared to transmit the footage across all Decepticon channels. That one moment of hesitation… it would have been enough to show everyone that the incipient D.J.D. were ordinary mechs, with ordinary vices, who could be bargained with. Perhaps they could have corrected that impression, with time and creativity… but Tarn knew how Megatron would react, knowing that he had given even the slightest thought to exonerating Starscream over such a trifle.

Of course, so long as the D.J.D. kept Starscream on the List, and so long as Starscream had the recording, neither could tolerate the other’s continued existence—so they agreed to delete both files, and to never again acknowledge one another going forward. But much later, the collector Agonizer came across a remaining copy of this version of the List… which leads one to wonder, if perhaps there still survives a copy of that video as well…

[nicol--bolas]

in my banky

[metalsongoftheday]

Thursday, December 3: Agonizer, “Trooper”

It took some nerve for Agonizer to write a galloping metal song called “Trooper”, but the number turned out to be an enjoyable power metal banger.  The band tamped down their goth leanings a bit here, focusing instead on the trad elements of their sound.  And it paid off for the Finnish act, as “Trooper” was far more entertaining than most 2010s power metal: Pasi Kärkkäinen had a solid power metal voice that didn’t resort to cheap histrionics, and the rest of Agonizer ably followed suit.  There wasn’t anything more to the song other than its baseline enjoyment, and that was all it needed to offer.

[nameishname]

If I have to sit here and watch my fool ass say “Oh, I love them” about one more minor character, I’m gonna go fucking feral

[sweartrek]

“all these Discovery and Beyond GIFs make me nostalgic for #BakulaTime”

[dustbunny105]

Can I just take a moment to say that this whole situation with Agonizer seems super sketchy? I mean, the Scavengers, however you pronounce it, are a well-known bunch of complete losers. Why the heck would anyone want to hire them for anything of even nominal importance?

[brandxspandex]

Ohoho, I’d like to hear the story behind every one of those items, particularly the last one...