Welcome to another year under our thumb. Or did you hope that we’d be gone? Sorry to burst your bubble, but there’s too much juicy gossip for us to even dream of leaving. Let’s get down to business, shall we? You’ve all been up to quite a bit while we’ve been away.
Ah, parents weekend. That lovely weekend where we all gather with our drunken mothers and distant dads. Speaking of, Baby Slut, excellent job on your relationship with your daddy. Seems like he can parent everyone but you. We wonder why that is. There’s probably a reason he loves your little brother more and it has to do with balls. Yuri has them and you don’t. It’s obvious that the famous, masculine Oliver Wood cannot bond with such a...delicate son. Isn’t the little brother suppose to live in the older’s one shadow? We guess that’s not always true now is it?
Roaring Bottom, who’s your daddy? Seems like your parents have been keeping some secrets from you. Like the fact that you’re actually Hannibal Runes’ darling baby boy. No surprise that you propositioned Power Bottom’s father and showed him his son’s naughty playroom. Someone has daddy issues. In fact, I think we should give you a new nickname, Daddy’s Boy. That seems much more fitting. What a shame that you finally found out the truth. We were wondering how long Righteous Knightmo would keep it from you. You both are really awful best mates, you know that right? It also seems that you’re having a bit of an identity crisis. Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor...which one are you truly?
In relationship news, Power Bottom and Righteous Knightmo are on the mend. We were hoping for some more drama before the big make up, but it seems like they’re just boring now. Live it up, you two. You’re teenagers, not a married couple. Also starring in new found relationships, Scream Queen finally grew a pair and confessed to Black Swan, leading to Scream Queen losing his kissing virginity in the library. Wonder when they’ll lose the other kind of virginity? We’re betting that Scream Queen doesn’t know his way around a woman's anatomy very well.
Baby Slut, where’s your boyfriend? In case you didn’t know, Muggle Comfort has gone missing since all of the parent’s have left to go home. Only time will tell if he ran away or if he’s finally gotten too curious for his own good and is dead somewhere. We’ll never tell.
And Shit Disturber, welcome back! We missed you, darling. Seems like Daddy’s Boy and King Butt Licker did as well, judging from their warm welcome. Ready to stir up more dirt for us? You know how much we love your work. Of course, that begs the question of what exactly happened to bring you back. If any of you know, we’ll give you a hefty reward.
We’ll leave all of you with a challenge. Find us some juicy gossip on Puff Me Downs and Little Miss Redhot and we’ll give you a reward. And if you can’t find it, cause some trouble instead.
