Can we get a rise outta you?

You know it goes without saying, never leave a post for too long, and it just so happens that our previous gossiper did. Who are we? Call us Rom & Rem, and we're here to give you a little r&r on the comings and goings of our beloved castle. As they say,...

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ADMIN NOTE BECAUSE WE’RE LOCKED

WE ARE NOT CLOSED.

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Welcome to another year under our thumb. Or did you hope that we’d be gone? Sorry to burst your bubble, but there’s too much juicy gossip for us to even dream of leaving. Let’s get down to business, shall we? You’ve all been up to quite a bit while we’ve been away.

Ah, parents weekend. That lovely weekend where we all gather with our drunken mothers and distant dads. Speaking of, Baby Slut, excellent job on your relationship with your daddy. Seems like he can parent everyone but you. We wonder why that is. There’s probably a reason he loves your little brother more and it has to do with balls. Yuri has them and you don’t. It’s obvious that the famous, masculine Oliver Wood cannot bond with such a...delicate son. Isn’t the little brother suppose to live in the older’s one shadow? We guess that’s not always true now is it?

Roaring Bottom, who’s your daddy? Seems like your parents have been keeping some secrets from you. Like the fact that you’re actually Hannibal Runes’ darling baby boy. No surprise that you propositioned Power Bottom’s father and showed him his son’s naughty playroom. Someone has daddy issues. In fact, I think we should give you a new nickname, Daddy’s Boy. That seems much more fitting. What a shame that you finally found out the truth. We were wondering how long Righteous Knightmo would keep it from you. You both are really awful best mates, you know that right? It also seems that  you’re having a bit of an identity crisis. Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor...which one are you truly?

In relationship news, Power Bottom and Righteous Knightmo are on the mend. We were hoping for some more drama before the big make up, but it seems like they’re just boring now. Live it up, you two. You’re teenagers, not a married couple. Also starring in new found relationships, Scream Queen finally grew a pair and confessed to Black Swan, leading to Scream Queen losing his kissing virginity in the library. Wonder when they’ll lose the other kind of virginity? We’re betting that Scream Queen doesn’t know his way around a woman's anatomy very well.

Baby Slut, where’s your boyfriend? In case you didn’t know, Muggle Comfort has gone missing since all of the parent’s have left to go home. Only time will tell if he ran away or if he’s finally gotten too curious for his own good and is dead somewhere. We’ll never tell.

And Shit Disturber, welcome back! We missed you, darling. Seems like Daddy’s Boy and King Butt Licker did as well, judging from their warm welcome. Ready to stir up more dirt for us? You know how much we love your work. Of course, that begs the question of what exactly happened to bring you back. If any of you know, we’ll give you a hefty reward.

We’ll leave all of you with a challenge. Find us some juicy gossip on Puff Me Downs and Little Miss Redhot and we’ll give you a reward. And if you can’t find it, cause some trouble instead.

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We have to admit, we thought that party was going to have much more juicy tidbits to report on. Maybe you guys are losing your touch? We hope not since we have another school year on the horizon and we don’t want to be out of business so soon. If you guys stop giving us drama we’ll make it for you. 

Let’s start with our Righteous Knightmo. We thought Gryffindors were supposed to be loyal and brave but you buckled at the idea of what we would do to you if you didn’t push Muggle Comfort into the pool. You know, that doesn’t seem very Gryffindorish now does it? Especially considering how much he doesn’t like water! Poor Muggle Comfort is going to truly be afraid of water now. Congratulations, Righteous Knightmo! I’m sure your little sister, best friend, and boyfriend will be awfully proud of you. Have to admit, we like seeing that you have a bit of a Slytherin streak in you! 

Now onto Lup Minor...my oh my, it appears that no one wants you back here. If it makes up for that, we’re happy you’re back. We wonder what Roaring Bottom is going to say when he finds out you were trying to start a brawl with his best mate. We can’t help but notice that he’s avoiding you like the plague. Maybe he’s moved on? If we hear anything better believe we’ll let you know first. 

And we cannot forget Black Swan and Pretty Little Thing. Black Swan.....Black Swan we can smell the desperation coming off of you in waves. How are you ever going to keep a man on your arms with that kind of attitude? You made quite a splash when you went around proclaiming you had a boyfriend but we’ve been watching. A couple of smooches doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship. Yikes! If we were you, we would start back pedaling now. And what do you think of that Pretty Little Thing? Agree? Don’t agree? Do you really want to tango with that family? What happens when her father finds out? We know. You’ll be d e a d m e a t. Hey, that sounds like a great new nickname. 

Roaring Bottom using your ex to make your former boyfriend jealous is tacky. It’s even more tacky when your best mate is dating him. Looks like your advances didn’t get you too far. Maybe you’ve losing your touch? Or are you just self-absorbed? It doesn’t take a Ravenclaw to realize that something is off when it comes to Power Bottom. Yet it completely went over your head and everyone else’s. Some friends you lot are.

Oh and Baby Slut, we gave you such a simple task but you couldn’t do it. We’re not surprised. You just don’t have that spark of wild in you. Did you think taking Muggle Comfort from the party was going to distract us? It didn’t. So you have a few scars and you’re scared of being shirtless. You didn’t seem so shy when you were bucking helplessly into Shit Disturber’s hand back when he was alive. Maybe you just don’t like Muggle Comfort as much as you wish. You’re just desperate enough to stay and force it, hm? It seems that you and Black Swan have much more in common than you think. 

Hey, Victory, weep, weep cry, cry. We have a special report for you and Professor Grump Cat it seems that Lup Major has left the building permanently. Yes, folks, that is right. Lup Major has resigned from teaching at Hogwarts and where he has gone no one knows...except us. And we’re not ready to give that secret up just yet.

And what about our favorite Muggle Comfort? It was quite a show you put on when Righteous Knightmo showed you our letter. We didn’t think you would do that for him. It seems like underneath the shy, quiet exterior you hold that there is a lion inside of you. Expect more challenges like that in the future for you. 

And that is all that was worth posting. Start acting up for us, yeah? We gotta eat too.

[ratmgossip-blog]

Tsk, tsk tsk,

We asked everyone to do something wild and crazy for us to report on and we are not happy with what we see. We threw you this lovely party and you all can’t do something in return for us? That’s okay. We’ll fix it. We will be sending out what we want you to do. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself kicked out of the party and we’ll definitely bring it up in our next issue. The choice is yours...

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Hello kids! As previously announced in our last post, we have one last present to give you. Romulus and I are grateful for you all and your thirst for drama and attention. In return, we have decided to host a pool party for everyone. Grab your swim trunks and bikinis (or not ;) ) and join us tonight. Booze, food, and other activities will be all there waiting for you.

Where -  Prefects’ Bathroom on the fifth floor.

Password - She-wolf

When - After curfew 

As an admission fee, whoever comes to join the party has to do one crazy thing for us to report on. If not, well...you don’t want to know.

Can’t wait to ‘see’ you there. 

- R&R 

OOC - Feel free to start posting starters whenever. I know a lot of members are currently either on hiatus or on vacation so this event might run into next week so others can join and we can also account for slower replies. If you guys have any questions please message the main. Have fun! 

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Well well well did you miss us? Because we missed you but don’t think for a second we missed any gossip because we definitely didn’t. This issue is going to be long but if you make it to the end we promise to give you all a treat in the next couple of days. Remus and I have been keeping an eye on all of you and tsk tsk...some of you have been very naughty...

Let’s begin;

Let’s start with King Butt Licker who seems to be bed hopping just as much as our Power Bottom. First KBL sleeps with Shit Disturber but seems he wants someone with a little more edge and maturity. KBL fell in bed with Victory and that seems to have thrown Queen D Black Swan through a loop. She was spotted giving Victory a piece of her mind but we have a feeling V will be back for some more Belcourt cock. Wonder if King Butt Licker will throw a fit when he realizes that Black Swan and Pretty Little Thing has been spotted together multiple times. Seems like a new romance is in the works but we think it’ll fizzle out just as quickly as it started. It seems like just yesterday Black Swan was making excuses to visit Scream Queen in the library but like most of these purebloods, she’s move on to the next best thing.

Speaking of Shit Disturber we feel we should pay our respects to him. Our paper will definitely be a lot less entertaining now that he bite the dust. Hey, we wonder what Roaring Bottom thinks about that. Feeling guilty yet, RB? We think you should or do you think you hide behind those pretty blue eyes? Just because you bat them doesn’t mean we’ll stay quiet. We know you infected Shit Disturber and now so does everyone else. Better start explaining...

Speaking of our Roaring Bottom, his puppy, Lup Minor, has returned to Hogwarts. Welcome back, darling. We’re happy to see you again. But it seems you’re looking rather ill. Anything we should know about? Don’t worry...we’re keeping our eye on you. Five minutes back and Black Swan and Righteous Knightmo are already throwing you a welcome back party...not. Is there anyone besides us that is happy to see you return?

Since you all keep us in business, we have a couple presents for you. One is a bit of bonus material we want to share with you. Something that our Headcrazy Extraodinaire has neglected to mention. This also shows that we don’t just play with you all but with the everyone in this castle. So Headcrazy Extraodinaire, you have some explaining to do. Why have you neglected to inform the students and staff that Hogsmeade has been cleared and is opened for business again? Seems like you’re trying to keep more pawns under your control but that’s just not realistic is it? Oh and there’s the little tid bit that owls are safe to send to the outside world. Seems fishy that that was never mentioned considering you have an entire castle filled with students missing their parents and younger / older siblings. Tsk tsk, trying to keep everyone under your control is only going to snap back and bite your arse.

Now onto a very special segment. It seems that a lot of smooches have been exchanged in the last couple of days. Is there something in the water that we don’t know about? Let’s break it down:

Kiss and Tell locked lips with Lady Liberty. Honey, I would tread lightly. Those Youngs are a mess and a half.

BellHead was spotted not only locking lips with Before Anyone Else but in the same bed? Yikes! Is there a love triangle on the horizon? We wonder what Sparkly Mosquito thinks about that.

Puff Me Downs and Slithering Mime were first caught snogging in the hallway then were seen sneaking down into the dungeons together for some one on one private time. Watch out, Puff Me Downs, snakes tend to lure their prey and then suffocate them to death. Do you really think you’ll come out this booty call in one piece? Our bet is no.

The kiss we’re watching for is Lonely Frotch and Jacked Up Lion who were seen having a cuddlefest that we were hoping would turn into a snugglefuc- excuse our french- We see the way you gaze at each other across the Great Hall don’t think you’re fooling anyone dears. We know a blooming romance when we see one.

We are counting down the days until school is back in session. But before that happens we think it’s only fair to give you a second present. Stay tuned, pets.

-R&R

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Are the details of the completed blackmail tasks being spilled anytime soon? I'm getting bored.

You’ll see in good time, don’t worry. But we can’t give away all of our secrets. What would the fun be in that?

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Oh, would you look at that! A lot of us have heard that a certain Bouchard might be disowned, but where would he go? Any thoughts on where our bed-hopping favorite will end up selling himself for room and board?

Really? Wow, Power Bottom. Is Righteous Knightmo not pleasing you enough? Well, if anyone wants to stop by Hogwarts’ newest brothel, just follow the smell of desperation and sex.

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You're keeping tabs on the new resident Seer, right?

Of course we are. We love all the trouble Baby Slut gets into. But since he and Muggle Comfort got together, he hasn’t been causing his usual trouble. Anyone up to stir the pot? Break these two crazy kids out of their honeymoon phase?

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Sounds like the resident Girl Worth Fighting For is madly in love with the Icebox Bae.

That’s what we heard as well. But does Sparkly Mosquito know how she feels? Or is Before Anyone Else going to be left all cold? Here’s hoping they cause some drama soon.

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I am not sleeping with Cassandra Nott. This is slander!

Really? Because two different sources told us otherwise. But if you’re so sure that it didn’t happen, why are you denying it?

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I don't see the need to stir up shit with the Professors. Given how many people overheard Rose Weasley and Cassandra Nott's shouting match, it's a wonder the two didn't hex each other. And for all Professor Nott denies her affection for Potter-the-eldest, she sure cuddled up to him in the Viaduct the other day, didn't she? Granted, she was drunk...but what else is new?

Interesting. Well, you heard it here, folks. Looks like the adults are just as dramatic as you whippersnappers. Fighting, drinking, sleeping together. But we expect more from them if they’re going to keep our interest.

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teacher drama time: who does the elder potter like to screw with in his free time? i'll give you a hint: it's the depressed little nott.

Really? It seems like some of our professors do have interesting lives after all. Trainwreck and Hotty Potty are sleeping together. What is it with Potters and Malfoys?

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if queen d had a theme song, what do you think it would be?

Hm… Off the top of my head, I’d have to say either Style or Jar of Hearts. 

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lonely frotch has a terrible dating history. she will end up breaking maxxiepad's heart in a beat.

Poor little Maxxipad. Who’s going to sweep up the pieces?

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There are a bunch of people that've only been mentioned once. Can't the great R&R come up with some story?

If they haven’t been mentioned much, that means they haven’t done much. But if you have any juicy tidbits, we’d love to hear them.

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I hear somebody's going all out for maxxipad's birthday. thoughts?

Sounds like Lonely Frotch isn’t so lonely any more, if that’s what you want to hear. Is there a new relationship sprouting? Or will Maxxipad be left disappointed again?