#airplanefriend

[airplane-friends]

Everyone, this is Kate! She and I met on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Rochester.  I was a little nervous because I tried my usual attempts to start a convo and she didn’t bite.  Then, just as I thought I was going to be on a airplane-friendless-flight, the flight attendant started her safety reminders and the volume was so piercingly loud that we Kate and I both laughed and shook our heads and a connection was made.  

Kate was flying back from spending the weekend with her family in their home in the Chi-town suburbs.  She was eating a torta from La Frontera.  Which, in my opinion, is one of the best spots to grab a bite in Terminal B in O’Hare.  So we bonded over that as well.

Kate is a medical student at the University of Rochester currently doing her residency in pediatrics.  She said she wanted to work with children because they are more fun and she got a bigger sense of reward in helping them.  She also chose pediatrics because it’s one of the easiest areas to get hired in after finishing med school.  This was important to her because she wants to move back to the Midwest when she finished.   I asked her if she would ever consider doing Doctors Without Borders.  She said that after struggling without creature comforts for a month in Costa Rica that international rural/impoverished medical outreach was not for her.

Turns out Kate also did her undergrad at U of R.  Like a good student affairs professional I asked her if she was involved at all in undergrad.  She said outside of research she was not.   It was interesting because Kate was disheartened when she said it.  I pointed that out and she owned it.  She said looking back she wish she had done little more because she knows she missed out a little on the more “traditional college experience.”  She was still proud of her academic accomplishments and was grateful for her research experience – clearly it set her up for success!  

A few months ago Kate started dating a Rochester native.  One of their first dates they went to a restaurant where they got to work with the chef and learn how to prepare a cook a 3 or 4 course meal.  Cooking is now one of their favorite things to do together and apparently they are helping Wegmans, upstate New York’s supermarket/church, in business.   Kate doesn’t know if he is going to be willing to move to Midwest – because she has no interest in spending her life in Rochester. I don’t know if he will either, but I do know that Kate and I are Airplane Friends.  

[airplane-friends]

I recently flew out to Las Vegas to speak at UNLV.  On my United Airlines flight from Newark to Vegas I met the delightfully sassy, Dianne.  It was a 5.5 hour long flight so we did not chop it up the whole time, but we still gabbed for a good portion of it!  I did not think initially that she wanted to talk.  I asked her a few questions and got shorter answers.  Then she took a quick nap, had a couple of Jack Daniels on the rocks and she asked me while I was typing, “Are you a writer?”  For the rest of the ride we were thick as thieves!

Dianne is a real estate lawyer who owns one practice in northern Jersey and is about to open up a second one out by Alpine, NJ.   She says the real estate agents all love her because she’s actually a real person…not a stereotypical lawyer.  I believe them, she’s a hoot to hang out with!   I asked why she chose real estate over other potential options.  She said she thought about doing entertainment but really loved the freedom of being her own boss.  Also she likes the creativity aspect of being a real estate lawyer…I did not really understand that part but we were on a roll so I did not question it!

East Rutherford, New Jersey was where she was born and raised.  She now owns a home not too far from her mom and nanny (grandma).  Like a good Italian she stayed close.  She has one sibling, a brother, who does not live that far but sadly does not see that often.  As she put it, he and his wife are happy in their introverted world and don’t invite family over much unless it’s a birthday or holiday.  Their infrequent communication is evident because the background of Dianne’s phone is her best friend’s son… not her nephew.  

I found out that Dianne is Sicilian, though I probably could have guessed (we Italians have a nose for that).  After finding that out I asked her the next logical question I could think of, “Can you make sauce?”  She said she makes her Nanny’s sauce and it’s the greatest thing in the world.  I beg to differ because she has clearly never had Mama Robilotta’s sauce!  Dianne claims to be the best cook in her family, sadly the plane we were on did not have a stove or tomato paste or I would have asked her to prove it.  

Dianne was traveling to Vegas to celebrate her Uncle’s 50th birthday.  His only wish was to go see Britney Spears, so she got the two of them front row seats to her show in the Planet Hollywood Hotel.  Her uncle sounds like the man.  He has held some very powerful positions and companies you have heard of in Washington DC, he is delightfully gay, and he knows how to party like a champ.  I wish I got to meet him!  

Turns out, Dianne also wants to be a speaker!  When she found out what I do for a living, she said I was basically living her dream.  A couple of years ago, like a boss, she beat stage IV cancer.  It’s kind of crazy because right after her mom went in remission from having cancer, Dianne had back pains and it wound up being because of a baseball sized tumor on her spine!  Fortunately Dianne is doing great now and she would love to have the opportunity to share her story with others.  She wants to tell it from sassy/comedic point of view, kind of Dennis Leary-esque.  

Dianne and I also bonded over our love of stand-up comedy and I told her she needs to take improv classes (just like I tell everyone).   Part of the reason I want her to do it is to force her to stop working one night a week.  Entrepreneurs rarely get to take time off, especially in the beginning of their business.  Dianne is a prime example of this.  She said this was her first vacation in over a year, and it was only 3.5 days.  She’s talking about buying a condo down in Florida that she will get away to in her slower months – January and February.  I hope she will because everyone needs to unplug a little.  Also, the more friends I have with condos in warm places the better.  Who knows if she will invite me?  What I do know is that Dianne and I are airplane friends.

[airplane-friends]

On a United Airlines flight from Syracuse to Chicago I met my latest airplane friend, Dan.  Truth be told, I wanted to sleep on this flight because it was at 5:15am but then I coughed and Dan said, “sounds like you’ve got what I’ve got.”  We both laughed and I realized Dan was DTT…down to talk.

Dan is originally from a town just outside of Whitewater, Wisconsin…about 2 hours from anything you have heard of. He grew up very poor and did not have much given to him.  In his teens he realized that he could make a little money fixing cars so he started doing that.  A handful of years later Dan and his brother opened their own auto mechanic shop. They ran it for 17 years until dealing with insurance companies became more hassle than it was worth. He loved working on cars but wasn’t a speed freak. His first car and his first love was a 1968 Buick Special and he spoke about her fondly. Dan met his wife shortly thereafter and with his earnings he bought her a beauty shop in town and they lived a fun life being storeowners.

While Dan owned his mechanic shop he also had a side hustle, which, if you have ever seen my “Finding Your Third Place” work/life balance speech, you know I am all about. His side gig was quite random… he was a teacher/salesperson for a company that specialized in confined space rescues – more on that in a bit. When it came time for him to sell his mechanic shop Dan decided he wanted to be a fireman. He applied and tested in the city of Milwaukee and, much to his surprise due to his age, he got in!   Since he was now a city employee he and his wife had to move 2 hours northeast to the city. They sold his wife’s beauty shop and his shop and made the move to Milwaukee.

Dan was a fireman for 18 years in Milwaukee.  During that time his wife worked as a phlebotomist, which could be one of the most fun words to say ever. He said he worked long enough to receive a pension but the city began to wear on him and his wife. He spoke harshly about people who were “taking advantage of the system,” and said he finally had had enough. Dan and his wife moved back to their hometown and settled in to partial retirement.

I say partial because the reason Dan was on our flight was because he just came from teaching the emergency response and facilities teams at Cornell University how to perform confined space rescues. Friends, Dan is the man. He is probably in his late 50s and to make some side money he teaches different companies and municipalities how to strap on some ropes, hook up carabineers, and save people who get caught working in cramped spaces around the world. The company he works for is CMC Rescue and feel free to click on the link to see what they do.   In a couple months he is going to spend a week in China, next week he is going to Vegas, and just got back from a trip to a hydroelectric damn in Washington State.

In his spare time Dan likes to ride his Harley and has dreams of restoring an old Chevy Pick-up and a 60’s Pontiac GTO.   Here’s to hoping we are all as badass as Dan is when we get to our late 50s, but in the meantime I am glad he and I are airplane friends.

[airplane-friends]

Estelle and I met on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Charleston, SC. We had both gotten upgraded to first class, so we were both feeling like bosses before we even took off. I cracked a joke to the flight attendant and Estelle cracked a smile so I thought I would say, hello. She did not seem too engrossed in her Glamour magazine so we started chatting.

Estelle was on her way to Charleston for a bachelorette party. I was disappointed that they did not all buy big hats and plan on talking in delightful southern accents the whole weekend. She too was disappointed at her oversight and she jokingly chastised me for not helping her out sooner. She said she was going to Philadelphia for another bachelorette party and asked me what should their theme be? I replied “big hats and southern accents.” Throughout our conversation we laughed a lot which made the flight “fly” by…sorry.

Estelle was born by Normandy in France but her parents moved her and her 2 siblings to St. Louis when she was younger. After her parents moved back to France her family went in every direction. She attended Georgetown. Her sister when to school in England, met a boy, and then moved to South Africa and her brother is still trying to figure life out. Fortunately he is doing it by living and skiing everyday in Switzerland…not a bad way to “find” yourself. This past Christmas was the first time they were all together in 2 years. They went to stay with her sister, her husband, and the child they are excitedly expecting down in South Africa. As a surprise, their parents packed an entire suitcase filled with French cheeses, wines, and bread. Estelle rolled her eyes when she said that and laughed.

We then got to talking about work. She works in the corporate offices of a major fertilizer company – not at all where she thought she would be working. I told her about my speaking career and coaching business and finished by saying, “there is something special about doing what you love.” Estelle thought about this for a minute and then responded with, “I guess I am not doing what I love, but I love what I do.” BOOM – MIC DROP! I love what she said and I am going to tell you all about why in an upcoming “Robo Thought.” Sign-up at the top of this page if you haven’t already!

Estelle and I then got to talking about her new role as a supervisor. She oversees a small but feisty staff of 4; a couple of which applied for the position she got and are significantly older than her. She said she was still trying to figure out how to best approach it and is still learning her supervision style though she is not afraid to put the hammer down if they get out of line.   I asked her, “how do you work on building rapport with them?” She thought about it and did not really have an answer so we processed that in a conversation that’s not worth documenting now.

After work talk we bonded when Estelle told me her boyfriend was about to move to Chicago to put an end to their long distance relationship. My wife, Jacqueline, and I did long distance for 5 years. She chuckled because she frequently indulges in “retail therapy” so there is no space for her boyfriend’s clothes as of yet in her apartment!

Estelle also offered up an observation about what she has noticed about people in the US. She said we are all always busy and in constant need of entertainment. When her boyfriend went to Paris to meet her parents for the first time she was nervous because all they do is sit around, drink wine, and talk. Turns out he handled it like a champ. I was also fine with just sitting and talking, and that’s how Estelle and I became airplane friends.

[airplane-friends]

Earlier this week on a United Airlines flight from Rochester, NY to Washington DC, I made a new airplane friend! His name is Anwar we hit it off pretty quickly as our flight was held up because they could not get the front door of the plane to close. He is 6’8” and I am 6’3” so, needless to say, there was a lot of man in those two seats! Our talk started, like most small talk does, about the weather and gas prices. The gas was a full dollar cheaper where he was headed in Texas than it was in Rochester. Got to love New York taxes!

Anwar told me his father named him after Egypt’s third President and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Anwar Sadat. Originally from the Bronx, NY, he went to college in Philadelphia and played Division I basketball. One of my favorite stories he hold me was about when he was being recruited.

My man lived in a tough spot in the Bronx. There were a lot of drug dealers and other “self-employed” people in his building. Once they found out how good Anwar was at basketball though they all left him alone and did not bother him. They knew he was going to have exciting opportunities in the future.   When he started being recruited, the coaches would come to his home to meet him and his family.   Brining middle-aged white men into his building looked suspicious to the “entrepreneurs” who lived there. Anwar did not want it to look like he was bringing narcs in, so he had speak really loudly and say things like, “So if I come and play ball for you, I could start AND I would get a scholarship?” That was very eye opening to me. Talk about a problem I would never have to even think about living in white-bread suburbia…and being a barely mediocre basketball player.

Anwar wound up being red-shirted his first season and by his Junior year was starting as a power forward. The stories he shared about being a college athlete were colorful but shall not be repeated. Let’s just say he had a very different experience than I did as a Resident Assistant.

At the end of his senior year he had one more year left of playing eligibility but was also finishing up his biology degree. Anwar decided, kind of on a whim, to take the MCAT. When his score came back way better than he expected he talked to his mom and asked her if he should stay and play one more year or if he should apply to medical school. She asked are you going to make it into the NBA? When he said, “probably not,” she said something to the effect of, “then I think you have your answer.”

Anwar is now practicing emergency medicine in Amarillo, Texas. Emergency medicine has one of the highest burnout rates because of all the serious trauma you are constantly exposed to, but he loves it. My man also has the travel bug. He recently got back from visiting his family in Jamaica. Last year he went to Ibiza, Spain, Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic, and a host of other places. He, most importantly, is a proud father and, perhaps just as important, we are now airplane friends.

[airplane-friends]

Hello!  My name is James Robilotta and I am passionate about other’s stories.  On this Tumblr I will be sharing the stories of people who I sit next to on airplanes that are courageous enough to open up to me.  I will always try to get a picture with my new airplane friends, but not everyone is ready for that jelly so it may not always happen.  

You’re perhaps wondering who this bearded wonder is that goes around making his plane neighbors talk with him for the duration of a flight.  Well, I am the author of the book Leading Imperfectly, an Authentic Leadership speaker, a Personal Coach, and a freestyle-rapping improv comedian.  If you want to learn more check out my website: JamesTRobo.com

Thank you for being curious about other’s stories.  I hope next time you’re on a plane you find someone who is DTT...Down To Talk :-)  Take care and high-5!