Adventures in the Evil Office: OSHA and the Union
Micheal (assistant): Hey, boss?
Micheal: I just wanted to let you know that we’re making some small changes to the base so it complies with OSHA regulations.
Micheal: Nothing big, the actual building seems to be up to code, but some boxes are stacked to high, dangerous equipment isn’t properly labeled, fire exits are blocked, and we don’t have a gun safe. I don’t actually know if that last one is a violation or not but it just doesn’t sit right with me.
Zara: We’re a secret organization conducting illegal experiments. Why do we need to follow safety laws?
Micheal: The legal stuff doesn’t really matter, but the union is worried about their safety and asked us to change it within the next week.
Micheal: Oh right, I forgot to mention that. The workers have unionized.
Zara: Once again, we aren’t a legal organization. How have they unionized?
Micheal: Well it’s not a legal union, they can’t sue us or anything, but they can go on strike or quit. According to my calculations that would bring productivity down by about 100%, so, I’m just giving them what they want.
Zara: Right. Well, I suppose that’s an understandable request. Is that all?
Micheal: Actually there’s one more thing. They want their dental insurance to cover superhuman based incidents.
Zara: I swear to chaos theory, how could that possibly be relevant in a dental plan?
Micheal: You’ve been having them chase after children who can control ice as cold as liquid nitrogen and fire about as hot as lava. They want to cover all their bases. Plus there’s apparently a new teeth based supervillain in town.
Zara: That’s… disconcerting. Fine. We can add more to the dental plan, but it will mean more robberies and black market deals. Insurance isn’t cheap. Is that acceptable?
Micheal: I’ll try my best to negotiate it with them. That’s all the news I have. Although, while we’re at it—
Zara: No you may not have a raise.
Micheal: Understandable, have a nice day.
