#alabelleetoile

[garreaumontagne]

Bivouac à la belle étoile. #vercors #bivouac #alabelleetoile #alpes #france #suddelafrance #sud #montagne_my_life #montagne (à Chichilianne, Rhone-Alpes, France) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cg_iVQFDwAs/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[literieconfort22]

Vivre dehors et même y dormir … c’est aussi ça, la #Bretagne !😉 Linge de lit @lexingtoncompany 100% coton pour un confort absolu. #literieconfort #lit #alabelleetoile #dormirdehors #dormiralabelleetoile #bretagne #canicule #juillet #été #decorationinterieur #deco #lingedelit #biendormir #dormir #camper #camperdanslejardin #confort #lexingtoncompany #mylexingtonstyle #bellesaison (à Saint-Brieuc, Bretagne, France) https://www.instagram.com/p/CgIKHekrImE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[clemenlegrand]

#aladdin & #abu #clementlegrand #romance #alabelleetoile #amour #clairdelune #nuitagitée #cieletoilé #nightlovers #vueimprenable #romantique #drawing #graphicdesign #architecturelovers (à Rouen, France) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo592VJFrSW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jm2jevi3j6qf

[masdesviolettes]

#passioncaravane #ilvousmanqueunechambre #hebergementinsolite #caravanevintage #unpetitairdevacances #suddefrance #liberte #simplicite #dormirdehors #alabelleetoile (à Mas des Violettes)

[alabelle-etoile-blog]

Internet, oh internet...

How am I going to be hung up on a girl 1600 miles away? With the help of the internet, that's how. Skype is a beautiful thing but I can't help but wonder, would I be over her already if I didn't still see her face? I think my practical self would have kicked in by now.

In other news a man today told me "It's a good thing your gay because you are beautiful."

Phew? 

[alabelle-etoile-blog]

Picnic on the Cliff Before Jumping Off

One thing I really liked about Lighthouse was that she didn't run away. When there was a problem, even if she was mad as hell, she wouldn't walk out. I think that act is played up too much in modern media. Angry people take cues from their sit-and-romcoms when they should take a step back and consider what would serve their personal needs most effectively.

In our situation, this manifested in the following.

I made the type of mistake that she found most appalling. I admitted what I'd done at around 3 AM. We were awake until 6 AM talking, yelling, crying, the whole 9. But she didn't leave. I think partially because it was so late/early and we had been drinking. She stayed in my bed.

The next morning she packed up to leave but I asked her to stay. We talked for a long time. I knew the end for us was near and it isn't that I don't like this girl, the problem with her is that she lives very far from me. And I've not been alone long enough to figure out who the hell I am. Anyway, it took me a long time to work up the courage but I finally asked if maybe she might want to spend the day with me anyway and here is the beautiful thing about staying instead of storming out: because she stayed, we kept our dinner reservation for a rotating restaurant. Which will likely be our last date. Her last memory of me is not screaming and running out into the frigid night air, but looking out over the city we shared, sparkling and beautiful.

It still hurt, it was going to hurt no matter what but the memory I have now of the end of our time together now is softer somehow. For that I am grateful. According to 7 Habits we are "Response-able" and I think in the same way you can choose your responses, you can choose certain kinds of pain. At least when it comes to young relationships.

[alabelle-etoile-blog]

She was staring into her scotch-and-floodwater rather moodily I though, debris bouncing on the waves all around us but she paid no attention." "'The end of the mechanical age,' said Mrs. Davis, 'is in my judgement an actuality straining to become a metaphor.'

-At The End of the Mechanical Age by Donald Barthelme

I highlighted so much of this story. 

[alabelle-etoile-blog]

First Night

The title of this post pays tribute to a band that I love, The Hold Steady. It's relevance is in name only though. Today is arguably the first day/night that I have been truly single in the last eleven years. I entered into a a long term relationship at the end of my eight grade year. When I was a senior in high school the boy changed, I suppose you could argue that I was single for a few months but by the end of the year I with a new boy. Four years later I married that boy and two and a half years, approximately, after that we divorced. Today is not the first day after the divorce though, today is the day that the girl with whom I had a deep emotional relationship and I decided that we could no longer "see" each other. It is all very complicated and I do the situation as a whole no justice in this abridged version. 

In summation: I'm 24, divorced, bi, and single; all things I've never been before.

If you've never heard of The Hold Steady I highly recommend them, they have more upbeat and happy songs than First Night but I like my songs thick with sorrow and longing so be forewarned.