summary: alex relishes the time he gets to share with you after being put on medical leave.
tags: ptsd, losing limbs, trauma recovery, established relationship, fluff with angst, clingy! alex, sharing a bed, sharing clothes, just two idiots in love, self deprecation
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ALEX BREATHES SLOWLY, his exhale fanning over the bare skin of your shoulder. You’re fast asleep, completely unaware of him still being awake in the early hours of the morning. Alex had a habit of sitting and pondering, it was both a comfort and also a curse. He hated silence, but sometimes he hated his thoughts even more; he certainly didn’t want to wake you for petty comfort over practically nothing. Of course, you’d insist that any discomfort was worth soothing away with gentle touches and hushed kisses behind closed doors, but Alex knows his mind, he can fight the creeping bile that sits in his sternum as he closes his eyes.
It truly never feels real, how he almost died, how he lost his leg; how he almost left you behind despite always promising he’d come home to you. Alex’s eyes open again, and he’s in his home; in bed, arms wrapped around you. He isn’t on a battlefield, bleeding out somewhere, nor on a medical gurney with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. Leaning forward, his sweaty forehead presses to your cool shoulder, facial hair slightly tickling you as you shuffle, taking a soft, sleepy breath. Alex waits for you to soothe again before moving, lips kissing your shoulder ever so gently before he nuzzles his face into the back of your neck. Holding you felt so surreal, like he was holding love itself- that ignited feeling never went away, and Alex knows he doesn’t want it to. He wants to love you forever.
Your hand presses over his, thumb running over his knuckles as you hum softly. “Go back to sleep.” He whispers, voice scratchy and coarse due to lack of use. “What’s the matter?” You stifle a yawn, leaning your back against his chest. “It’s nothing, hon. Just rest, yeah? You’ve got a busy day tomorrow.” Alex kisses behind your ear, turning his hand to thread his fingers between yours. You hum again, rolling over in his arms, letting your own arms curl around his middle as you bury your head under his chin. “You can always talk to me, baby. We’re in this together.” You croon, kissing his collarbone so gently he barely felt it. “I know, I just want you to rest for now. I know you’ve been stressed. It’s not easy having a crippled boyfriend.” Alex laughs, it’s strained.
You frown. “You’re not an inconvenience, so don’t even try that all that talk with me.” You scold, softly hitting his back. “Sorry.” Alex exhales; as tired as he is, he doesn’t want to close his eyes. “We’re in this together, baby. I promised you i’d always be here.” You let your hand move from his back, slowly massaging his tricep, just under his elbow. “I know, honey. I… I’m really thankful, for you… for the team. This hasn’t been easy. I can still feel my leg sometimes- it throws me off.” Alex finally closes his eyes, taking a small breath. “I know it’s not easy, love. But you’re strong, you’ve been doing so well at adjusting. You can do this.” You assure him, moving your head to press a kiss to his upper lip. Alex immediately chases you as you pull away, kissing you properly. “Thank you, baby.” He mutters, hand rubbing soft circles over your hip. “Of course..! I’ll always be here for support.” You coo, nose brushing against his gently. “Whether it’s in the middle of the night, in public or private; or even if you call me on the job. I’ll never abandon you.”
Alex smiles, warmth collected in his chest. “I love you, hon. You mean the world to me.” His voice rumbles a little in his chest due to the low volume, you hum softly in return. “I love you too, Alex.” You respond, kissing him again. “Are you going to try and sleep?” You ask, hand moving from his arm to cup his cheek, thumb rubbing against his cheekbone as your other fingers massage his jaw. Alex exhales softly, loving how your fingertips feel against his face. “I dunno, doll.” He mumbles. “That’s okay, baby. We can have some hot chocolate and maybe put on a movie?” You suggest, pulling away from his embrace as you sit up. “You need rest, baby.” He reminds you with a frown. It’s true, you were exhausted, but caring for your boyfriend in a hard time was your number one priority.
“It’s fine, hon. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or upset.” You get up, pulling one of Alex’s shirts up over your head. Alex sits up, watching you in the dim light that seeped through the curtains. He knows he can’t say anything to convince you to get back into bed, watching as you saunter from the bedroom, turning on the hall light as you went. Shaking his head, Alex leans over, grasping his crutches. Slowly moving his leg over the bed, his foot hits the floor- he almost feels sick as his stump hangs off the bed. Taking a deep breath, Alex stands, leaning his weight upon the crutches. It was certainly difficult- he was embarrassed to be in public as he ambled so slowly beside you, yet you’d only smile patiently as you held open doors and rested a comforting hand upon his back. He didn’t deserve you.
Slowly, he moves his crutches forward before taking another step, then another, then another. It’s a very slow process, but he’s getting better at it. The kitchen light is on, and Alex takes a soft breath. The small apartment you two lived in felt like a massive mansion due to how long it would take Alex to get room to room. As he steps forward, his foot slips, back hitting the floor with a harsh thud as his crutches clutter to the ground. With a defeated sigh, Alex tries to blink away tears- he felt useless. “Baby, are you alright?!” You stress, kneeling beside him, hand gently touching his head. “Yeah- sorry… just slipped is all.” Alex sighs, staring at the ceiling above. “Oh, Alex…” you whisper, wiping the corners of his eyes gently. “I’m sorry.” He responds on instinct- he’d been doing that a lot recently. “Don’t be. Come on, let’s get you up.” Slowly, you help Alex up, having him lean upon the wall as you grab one of his crutches. “Lean on this,” you hand him the crutch, letting him slowly lean his weight upon it as you retrieve the other.
“I feel like such a burden.” Alex huffs out a bitter laugh, watching you frown. “No, you’re not. Not to me.” You kiss his cheek, resting a hand upon his back as he slowly tries walking again. Slowly, he finally eases himself onto the couch, sighing softly. “Stay right here, hon. I’ll finish making our drinks.” Leaning down, you kiss his cheeks, cradling his head for a second before pulling away. Alex slumps into the cushions with defeat. He missed going on runs, it was one of his favourite things to do in the mornings, but now he could barely walk to the kitchen without needing you to help him. “How pathetic…” he muses bitterly, glaring at the stump where his full leg once was. “So fucking stupid- why did I let this happen?” Clenching his right fist, Alex takes a deep breath- slowly trying to release the guilt from his chest.
“Alex, baby. Are you alright?” You ask, sitting beside him as you hand him a freshly hot mug. “Yeah, m’fine.” He breathes out, hand tangling into yours as you rest your mug upon your thigh, grabbing the tv remote. “What do you feel like watching?” You ask, head resting against his shoulder. “I don’t mind, baby. You choose.” Alex responds, closing his eyes. He’s back in that damn place again, jaw clenched- head spinning, Farah is there, helping him- trying to bring him back to consciousness. He can feel his leg, it hurts- “Alex.” You pat his shoulder a little, he opens his eyes. He’s on the couch with you, your eyes are worried. “Are you okay?” You ask softly, hand lingering upon his shoulder, thumb smoothing his creased shirt as he breathes. “Yeah. I’m all good, baby. Just… remembering things.” He responds, blinking a few times. “Try to focus on the tv, baby. Just relax.” You kiss his jaw softly, ignoring how his beard scratches your face as you settle against him. Alex throws a spare arm around your shoulders, squeezing you close as his other hand holds his mug, resting it upon the thigh of his mostly missing leg.
As Alex sits in thought, mostly thoughts full of self deprecating words and loathing himself, he’s brought back by you; you’re just shuffling to get a little more comfortable, but it alerts him of his surroundings again. He’s in home, he can see you, feel you, smell the jasmine incense you’re always burning throughout the day as you adored the smell, as well as insisting that it promoted happiness and would help Alex relax. Alex exhales, it’s slow- soothing. Taking a sip of his hot chocolate, he watches the old sitcom rerun you had found on one of the channels, relishing the comfort of a laugh track.
Alex Keller was a very open man, or at least that's how he came off.
He was friendly, wide-eyed, the kind of guy you feel like you've known all your life. He seemed to naturally click with everyone he spoke with, including the 141.
Simon Riley was the opposite of him, he was a skeptic. Closed off, suspicious of those he didn't know. This was no different with Alex than anyone else, but there was something about the bright eyed American that made Simon's brain tick.
He didn't know exactly why he felt more on edge around Alex than other new people he met, and he wouldn't understand why until he overheard a conversation between Alex and Gaz.
"Alex man, can you keep a secret?"
Alex laughed. "Do you even know when my birthday is?"
Gaz laughed along, but something seemed to click with Simon.
He knew.. Nothing about Alex.
His middle name, his birthday, where he grew up, his favorite colour, nothing.
That's why he had been so off-put by him, the man was a complete mystery. A mystery that nobody even considered solving because Alex just naturally came off as an open book.
He didn't know what to think from then on, he tried to dig up what he could on Alex but knew he wouldn't find much without the assistance of Laswell.
He spent weeks avoiding the American, narrowing his eyes at him when he was in his vicinity, completely unaware that the two of them shared such similarities.
Two enigmas, one much more obvious than the other.
It wasn't until some random Wednesday night, nobody awake but the stars. Simon stumbled upon Alex just outside the bases front door, a lit cigarette nursed between his fingers.
He wanted to ignore him, go back to bed, but he found himself stepping outside with the other.
Alex acknowledged him with a smile and a nod, but didn't speak. Simon stared at him, not bothering to hide the fact that he was searching for answers in the other man's warm gaze.
There was a thick silence between them, it wasn't uncomfortable but, it was far from comfortable at the same time.
Alex broke it first.
"I take you're not a fan of me?"
He chuckled dryly, humorlessly. An observation Simon couldn't say he expected. His eyes didn't leave the American, watching closely as he took a drag off the cigarette. He didn't know Alex smoked but, then again, what did he know about Alex?
That's the entire reason he was here.
"Don't trust what I don't know."
Simon finally replied, though by now it was more of a statement on its own than an actual response to his comment.
Alex shrugged, he didn't seem at all bothered by Simon's reply. Silence spread between them once more, Simon didn't like Alex's lack of response.
"You're ex-CIA, that's all anyone knows about you. Nobody knows anything about you, but they trust you."
Simon continued, he wanted answers, he wanted a reason to trust the other man. Alex was quiet, tapping the ash from his cigarette before he replied.
"What was that saying? Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones?"
In any other moment, Simon would have been offended by the comparison. But, Alex was right.
They were, almost scarily similar in every aspect but their personalities.
Silence again. It was more welcome this time around. Simon always appreciated the quiet when he needed to think.
The silence didn't last too long this time, Alex spoke up again.
"Humor me, do you ever forget that you're a person and not just a soldier?"
That question alone haunted him for days, Simon now felt uncomfortably aware of Alex.
The way the americans grin always seemed to falter ever so slightly when he held it, how his gaze would fog over at the scent of smoke or when it got too quiet, how his prosthetic always seemed to be moving in some way or another.
He was aware now, aware of the similarities they shared.
Aware of how, just like him, Alex was a soldier before he was a man.
Alex: You're bein' a real goshdarn ugly lil' brat right now, partner
Gaz: ...
Gaz: Are you unable to swear? Are you being controlled by Disney??
Alex: Hot-diddley dog my dude
I'm madly in love with Alex keller I need that Pringles man biblically
honestly I will take anything with top!reader I know he whimpers and I would love to hear it
fem, masc, gn, you have free reign have fun <33 I literally just need to top that man
praise (reader giving) maybe? as a treat?
Whats wrong baby?
Alex Keller x Shadow!femreader
Summery: Just some fun with Alex after a successful mission.
Warnings: non established relationship, lieutenant reader, cursing, use of mommy, praising, top!reader, bottom!alex, not properly proof read!
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It’s was a successful mission to say the least Graves had put you with Alex and of course you didn’t protect he was fun to work with. With a mission finish it was now time to celebrate The shadows had invited Alex and his partner in crime Farah but she declined leaving Alex with you guys. You’d be lying if she didn’t make you a tad bit jealous, for one she was gorgeous and strong and with the way that brunette looked up to her and at her..
Not that you really had to worry but you’re just a girl. “Ya’know Keller I thought you’d head back with y’er girlfriend.” One of the shadows spoke your eyes looking over to alex watching his response.
He chuckled nervously his hand rubbing the back of his neck “she’s not my girlfriend.. but I thought I hang back catch up with y’all.” He answered.
You smiled a little his eyes catches yours when he said he was here to catch up, not with them of course but well, you.
He’d missed you, your soft hands running down his chest and you whispered in his ear. His soft whimpers as you kissed him tenderly, “what’s wrong baby?” You teased, your lips kissing the bottom of his happy trail.
Alex shook his head “Sensitive.. god.” he drawled. His hands were tied above his head as he sat his back against the headboard of the bed.
“Where? Here..” you asked innocently kissing the bulge of his jeans.
His body shuttered, you let out an amused chuckle. The effect you had on him was like no other, he would worship you and you did him except you wear mean with it teasing his until he would cry begging to feel you.
You laid on your stomach as you stroked him his cock twitching in your hands. Your saliva and his cum are the perfect lube letting your hands glide up and down so smoothly. His sweet moans were music to your ears head dropped from the overstimulation making him spill over the edge “Please.. Please Imma cum..” he whimper his brows frowning.
Your tongue ran up his length and of his tip slowly your lips attaching to him only to release with a pop, “Hm? Is that how you ask handsome, common tell mommy what you want.” you spoke a pleased smirk displayed on your lips.
His legs started shaking going to close on you but your hand held him down, “Open your eyes and look at me Handsome common, ask me.” you whispered.
“Please, please may I cum.. Mommy, please let me cum,” he begged in a whiney tone his blue eyes meeting yours for approval. With a nod that's all he needed before his balls tightened a pretty moan slipping through his lips.
“Yeah that's a good boy, that's a good fuckin’ boy.” you praised your hands milking his cock for the second time.
With his head hung low you let you hand prop his chin up your your finger “you think you can go another baby?” you asked eyeing his tired stated.
“I can.. I can I— I wanna feel you please..” he babbled.
You moved on top of him your thighs on either side of him his face still remains resting his your hands. You kissed his face moving his hair out of his face it sticking to him because of the sweat. “You're doin’ so good handsome,” you spoke both of your eyes meeting one another. God, he was pretty.
You untied his hands guiding them to your hips. “You ready for me?” you aligned yourself with him.
“Yes ma'am.”
His hands squeeze your hips as his cock began to slip into you. A soft moan came from your lips feeling him fill you up, his face falling against your bare chest as he whimpered from the feeling of your walls fluttering around him. “God I've missed you..” he spoke.
He missed you, he missed how you fit him so well how you were made for his cock nobody else would have him like you did. Your hips moved as you held onto the back of his neck his beefy arms holding you close. “Fuck Alex.” you clawed as his neck.
You missed him, being with him at this moment made you hate the job because you were never with him. Your bodies intertwined as you fucked him a mess of your arousal made a mess on his lap.
“You were made for me.. Just you..” he spoke his voice softy but still whiney.
“Just me,”
“Im all yours.. Fuck I'm all yours.” he cried out his face in the crook of your neck.
“Your all mine Alex,” you dragged on.
Leaning back your hands held his face “Your mine.”
His eyes never left yours as he nodded, this wasn't just pillow talk anymore but the feeling that had been building up for years.
“Please cum with me..” he spoke gently.
“Do you wanna cum in me, baby?” you asked a smile on your face.
“Mmhm! I do please can I cum in you.” he asked your name leaving his lips.
Your hand grabbed a handful of hair pulling his head back “you better cum then.” you spoke your orgasm finally hitting you as your ride him.
So he did his fingers digging into your thoughts as he came in you.
Your body fell against his your arms wrapping around his neck holding him in a hug his arms soon wrapping around your waist. The two of you be a thing heavily, coming down from your highs.
Minutes had passed the aftercare process soon finishing, the two of you sitting in front of one another he watched you as you pulled your shirt back over your head. His gaze had never left you even as you both cleaned each other up, your pretty hands needing as his legs massageing them.
You felt his hand touch your face causing this to look up at him “yeah?” Your voice soft a sweet.
“I meant what I said, I'm all yours.. I want to be all yours.” he said his thumb creassing your cheek.
“Alex..” your tone warning him.
You both knew that this, what you two had could be nothing more than just a casual fuck. Even with the heavy feeling that you both shared and made worse every time he held you close. And that was no different than that night. Him holding you in his arms as you traced his chest, the love you two shared would always be put on hold.
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A/n: it's kinda short but I hope you like it it my first time writing for Alex ill get better at writing for him trust.
