#alex;

[crmnljn]

Alexis “Alex” Bouchard

Started the bounty hunting career. ☠️

[bzkker]

“Não foi o meu andar, foi no segundo... Eu sou do terceiro caso você não lembre ou não saiba mesmo.” Já se arrependia de ter ido até o Lux e passar um tempo com @alxxbk até o cheiro da fumaça diminuir. Sempre conseguia ficar irritado na presença da irmã, mesmo que ela não fizesse nada. “... Vocês podem usar a piscina durante a noite?”

[atlasllm]

I finally got a drawing tablet soo as my first drawing with it I just drew myself with my new-ish haircut :D

[crmnljn]

Silver Fox’s dog got bored of him spending so much time in the wardrobe that he joined Alex on a hunting trip.

That was nice as long as it lasted.

[restlessmachines]

Signs of Current Abuse

The above strategies stabilize and increase self-awareness. With these in place, the survivor must consider the possibility that ongoing abuse may be happening currently, by the abuser group.

In some cases, survivors may have internal abuser-loyal parts who abuse other internal parts, occasionally resulting in noticeable harm to the body.

I have found it helpful to first assume that it is both internal abuser parts as well as external abusers so that the survivor can seek and develop both internal and external safety.

The following are signs of possible ongoing abuse:

1. Severe destabilization, acute anxiety or fear, posttraumatic psychotic states, feeling used up, exhausted and/or dysfunctionalality. Although the survivor may have no memory of any ongoing abuse, the survivor can learn to recognize severe destabilization and realize that something may have happened to cause this.

2. A burning desire to return to alcohol or drug use or abuse; an addicted survivor is never far from her/his supplier. This is a very powerful way for the abuser group to keep control of members. Survivors who are addicts need to realize that until they gain control over their addictions, they will ever be at the beck and call of their abusers, even if they leave the area of current abuser group activity. Survivors should do what they can to get clean and sober.

3. Sudden new phobias especially fear of death of oneself or one’s loved ones.

4. Sudden fear of one’s therapist or helpful people. It is important that the survivor ask her/him-self, “Why do I feel fear of my therapist?” There may have been programming to distrust these people.

5. It is also important that survivors consider that they may have a “tattle-tale” (reporter) self-state who “rats” on (tells on) what happens in therapy. Survivors of psychologically-sophisticated abuse commonly describe their abusers developing reporter self-states for long-term control of their victims. Such reporter parts will generally view the abuse perpetrators as benign, because the reporters are not, in most cases, present when the body is tortured. Reporter self-states are conditioned to report back to the abusers about everything. These reporters, generally, will not quit reporting back to the abuser group until the pain-holder-self-states share with the reporters their experience of being tortured as a result of going to abuser group meetings and rituals. Otherwise, reporter self-states will tend to believe the conditioned illusion that the abuser group people are friends and nice people.

MACH NOTE: it's entirely possible that the tattle tale was also tortured. our case.

6. Sudden feelings of “being all better” and wanting to stop therapy. This may be programming designed to make a survivor quit therapy or it may the survivor’s own fear of finding out what is really happening in the survivor’s life.

7.  Sudden illness. There can be several reasons for sudden illness:

An especially bad recent torture session,

Somatic memories of torture brought up in session,

Internal self-state punishment for talking

8. Sudden fear of locking or closing windows or doors, or any taking any other self-protective actions. If a survivor has a sudden fear of such things, it is important to evaluate this. Fear of a particular individual may be based in that person being dangerous and someone who needs to be avoided or that individual may simply resemble someone dangerous. Any time a fear suddenly manifests, it is important that survivors internally ask and communicate about what is happening, with more than one part. Communicating with more than one part lessens the chance that a single part can be misled and influence the entire system. It may take a while to get to the bottom of a fear, but the exercise in internal communication is worth any time it takes.

9. Any of the above symptoms occurring on particular dates, times of year, moon phases, etc. It is helpful to mark episodes of destabilization on a calendar to begin to notice patterns. It may take longer than a year for patterns to emerge. If a particular date appears to be associated with risk of new abuse, it is important to use one’s grounding and safety skills to work to stay present and safe.

a. Episodes of destabilization that occur at significant ages/life stages of survivors or their children.

b. E.g., if a horrible form of abuse occurred on a survivor’s sixth birthday, and the survivor’s child is approaching six years old, or just turned six years old, and anxiety or terror are elevated in the survivor, this may signify risk for the survivor and perhaps the survivor’s child.

c. The same type of risk/triggering can happen when the survivor reaches the age that the survivor’s parent or caregiver was when the survivor experienced an abusive event as a child. For instance, say a survivor was 6 years old when a particularly traumatic programming took place. At that time, the survivor’s mother was 26, father was 32 and grandmother residing with them was 59. The survivor may be triggered when her/his child turns 6, AND/OR when the survivor reaches 26 (mother’s age at the time of the abuse), AND/OR 32 (father’s age at time of the abuse), AND/OR 59 (grandmother’s age at time of the abuse).

d. It can also be triggering just to become a mother/father or grandparent, because when the abuse happened, there may have been a mother/father and grandparent living in the home, even if a particular parent figure had nothing to do with the abuse. Because becoming and being a parent or a grandparent in abuser groups may be associated with certain programming and/or rituals, for the safety of the survivor and children, the survivor should diligently seek and find the source of anxiety about these from his/her internal self-states. MACH NOTE: "doomsday numbers" may also be bad ritualistic returns to birth. certain dates may be triggers regardless of what year it is.

In evaluating all of the above, it is important that survivors work cooperatively with all of their self-states, to welcome their input on safety, and to talk to younger parts in more child-based language. This will increase the communication received from previously hidden self-states because they will begin to feel: “I trust you because you are starting to try to take care of us; you are taking our safety seriously.”

[wildcxrds]

let me assign you an affection language

an undoing influence

Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.

"Dude.... not cool."

tagged by: @thuganomxcs (gracias jefe)

tagging: @mantcdea @emeraldxphoenix @allerdales @theresastargirl @escapedartgeek @deafarcher and YOU if you see this!! steal it from me and tag me!!

[wildcxrds]

Become a Color

Coral Pink

You don't have to fight so hard to be perfect all the time, you know? It's okay if you don't know the answers to someone's troubles, or even your own. You don't have to hold on to everyone's grief, and no one is going to blame you if you have to be quiet for a while. I know that it's hard to feel like you're more than what people need you to be, but you can step back. You try your best to be kind, and welcoming, and you definitely show it well. Compassion comes a lot more naturally to you, and although you like to be understanding, you're also pretty stubborn. You can't watch out for everyone else all of the time; how will anyone else know to care for you if you don't even show that you need it? Don't blame yourself, but don't always blame them, either.

"....."

stolen from: @thuganomxcs

tagging: @emeraldxphoenix @theresastargirl @victoriousfidelity (from whichever blog!) @mantcdea @deafarcher @escapedartgeek AND YOU if you see this steal it from me!!