Hi bagginshield dentist it’s me again I hope you’re doing well also in your medical professional opinion on a scale of one to ten how messed up are the the hobbit characters teeth? do you think middle earth has dental hygiene practices?
This ask got long! And will probably get a part 2!
I feel like if the Shire has clocks, they also have dentists. however.
Knowing hobbits… ehh… my hope for their chompers peters out. With how much the average hobbit eats, drinks, and especially smokes (these are obviously highly concerning the mouth, so how much eat/drink/smoke will be a recurring theme) I fear. But like hey, they’re hobbits, maybe they have extra strong enamel and thick gums?
Considering Bilbo is still Bilbo, he feels like a guy that has dental care? Like do you get what I’m saying? Maybe very vegetable-y breath, and certainly isn’t getting an A on his chart, but he’s a pretty solid guy. He flosses for the brownie points from his dentist, no notes. Not that most hobbits I feel even care about their teeth. With the exceptions of—in the known hobbits—Frodo (picked hygiene up from Bilbo) and Merry (this just makes sense in my head). But for hobbits, and all the chomping they do, teeth are tools, not like for vanity purposes yk? (I forgot the word but ik theres an m in there) (I REMEMBERED IT RIGHT BEFORE POSTING THIS ITS CALLED COSMETIC PURPOSES)
Now. The dwarrow… yikes.
It’s not even “oh, that’s a dwarf, those teeth gotta be nasty” NO WE DON’T DO THAT HERE. I think in Erebor, lots of dwarrow have shiny nice teeth. Especially ones like Dís and Thorin, breath ranking of some mountain mint their toothpaste is made from. But they’re not in Erebor, and I think most people get the impression that in Ered Luin they were like, in poverty. I don’t necessarily think this was the case, as Balin suggests repeatedly (as does Bombur’s appetite) that they do have things in Ered Luin, and that it’s a “life of plenty” compared to how the dwarrow were when they wandered. Not to mention they’ve been on the road awhile, so oral care is probably not super highly ranked in comparison to, I don’t know, NOT DYING
Geez damn this is getting technical, buddy. But I still think that Ered Luin had some form of dentistry. For each dwarf specifically, I may have to come back to this. And thoughts are much appreciated.
I can really see the dwarrow going either way, or it’s all over the place depending on the dwarf.
I feel like Mirkwood has pretty good teeth. But they’re don’t need dentists, they’re elf, hence why I’d want to be a dwarf (this is a longstanding feud in my house over what race we’d all be and I can’t stand to be unemployed now can I).
Now… I know not everyone will agree… but… Gollum has decent teeth. I know, I know. And I get he’s supposed to be corrupted or something (?). But listen. He doesn’t drink, diets on fish and like occasional goblin, doesn’t smoke, probably drinks a good amount of water? I doubt he takes care of his teeth, toothbrush/toothpaste/floss is nonexistent but compared to the average hobbit he’s doing great. Maybe some bad gingivitis though.
Bard is probably decent, he’s an average guy who randomly has an iron arrow and one-shots Smaug. He’s actually trying but then again he does live in Laketown. Maybe some tartar. Forgets to brush.
Alfrid gets a solid F (if it’s even been managed to get him in the chair. I never went into pediatrics and I don’t take child clients because I cannot deal with that. This mf would be my nightmare)
Overall, I feel like tannerella forsythia would also be common. It’s a red complex bacteria associated under gum disease. Can turn into an invasive infection. However if I were to be allowed continue on this topic, we’d be here for far longer.
Also there is the potential to actually look at the character’s teeth. However lots of times that’s not an extremely accurate take, blinding shiny teeth doesn’t automatically mean healthy. And it’s also well-understood the use of teeth in narrative. While Alfrid canonically has awful dental hygiene (among other things), it also serves that he’s a bad guy so he has bad teeth. Bilbo is one of the good guys, not to mention a likable main character, so obviously they’ll give him pearly whites.
Being a dentist opens one up to strange thoughts that you’d not even think of before. Consider: getting annoyed at how “bad” characters have shit teeth but typically, across the board, the “good” and main characters have the nice smiles.
