doing @radiomogai's experiences event yippee - day 1
[PT: doing @radiomogai's experiences event yippee - day 1. End PT]
!! warning, I yap for very, VERY long and I might have ran with the question bare ass to the world and forgot a little bit about the fact the question didn't also include "what is your identity?", sorry radio <\3 !!
The first question of the event was; “How do you organise or categorise your identity? If you don’t, why don’t you?”
I think this is a pretty fun question :3! Identity and labels have been a big interest and hobby of mine for years, and I’m an avid collector with a big complex system about how things should work and what I am in context situations. This means I have a big complex system of how to categorise my identity, I say categorise because I don’t organise it physically, as every time I’ve tried to build a coherent hoard, I fail miserably. (I don't really touch up upon how my systemhood affects my organisation because it pretty much boils down to; sometimes I doubt myself and then realise someone else is in front with me and that's why.) I'll touch on how I categorise my identity dependent on who I talk to; now.
First is the identity I show to people in general, even though it is absolutely not my preferred. I am not out to most people about my transness, however, my sexuality is something I am more open about. I label myself more outwardly as my assigned gender at birth and bisexual.
Next is one I show to friends, which is a mix of things. I am a trans man and I count myself as omnisexual, and use he/him. However, that’s the most I say to people who are not very interested in labels or very aware of labels.
Then I have a still quite general identity but for people who actually know me for longer, or understand more queer identity. I classify myself as a non-binary man who is both monogamous and polyamourous, omniromantic and bisexual. I use he/it and specifically never they/them. With certain people will I mention my use of the term “butch”.
I used to identify very strongly as a lesbian, turns out this wasn’t really the case but I became very comfortable in one specific part of being a lesbian which was being a butch. This word encompassed everything about my identity in a very comfortable way and therefore I found myself nervous when I wasn’t able to use it anymore, as I was told it “wasn’t allowed”. It took me years of reading old queer history and the sorts to realise, “well, all the queers before me did it, and they were fine,” to finally permit myself to use a word that is intrinsic to me. This has also lead me as a trans man to date a lesbian, and have no problems regarding it in that relationship, as I was still a butch. She respected my identity as a man and as a butch simultaneously and even while the relationship ended, it helped me discover quite a bit about myself and the word! Being a butch is its’ own specific term for me, its’ own category, and that’s why I mention it now.
Now, for this next part, I’m not gonna list every single term I have ever and do use, because that is simply just… not possible. I’m not panidentity (encompassing all identities) but I’m pretty damn close to it. Words are fun and I love them, therefore seeing words and terms and labels makes me excited, I attribute it to my autism. Not only that, but being alienated at young and often feeling “other” due to a lot of problems, means I find myself adopting term after term and categorising it. A general thing I call myself, in this usual order (order is very important for me); a transgender non-binary butch man who is biromantic, omnisexual, ambiamorous, pleonotic, hypersexual, fictoromantic, fictosexual, vallisromantic, vallissexual, objectum, intersex and a MOGAI foxfreak.
"… wow that is a mouthful, what does all of that mean and why in that specific order, Charlie?" Glad you asked!
I'll tackle the order question first, as it's something I actually have a good analogy for! My identity works similar to math (sorry, I'm a nerd), addition questions can have their numbers swapped around but the output will be the same. 2 + 1 and 1 + 2 will always equal 3, however, with subtraction questions, this does not work; 2 - 1 equals 1, and 1 - 2 equals -1. I categorise ALL my terms by this system, including the ones not mentioned, if a term is "addition", I can add it onto my identity in any order. If a term is "subtraction", I need to keep it in the same order each time.
My "subtraction" terms in the example above are; "non-binary butch man", "biromantic, omnisexual", "vallisromantic, vallissexual", and "foxfreak". My "addition" terms are the rest. I sprinkle them in either between or at the end of my description (yes, I know this would affect an actual equation, good thing MOGAI doesn't follow math rules :3). The only term in the example that differs is "non-binary butch man" as that always will come first, as a base. Sometimes certain terms feel like they fit neither, but either accentuate another term (a "multiplication" term for me) or even undermine another term (a "division" term).
Next is, "What the hell do those words mean, Sans?" And more importantly, what do they mean for me? Easy! I'll go in order of the example just after I talk about one term I think a lot of people will not know, pleonotic.
Pleonotic is a MOGAI term, one I actually only recently discovered image describing for Radio! Pleonotic is described by its' coiner (@/imoga-pride) as; "People with identities separated from their synonyms and pleonasms, often leading to not identifying with the gender-affirmative perspective of associating them all as the same. Examples: being a boy but not a man; being a gal but not a girl; being a male but not a dude." This explains me perfectly, I'm a man but often avoid the term boy, I don't see them the same. I'm male but not a boy, I'm a guy and a dude but not a bloke (I'm British, jumpscare) or a lad. I'm also non-binary, but any other synonyms rather than just the word non-binary is not me. Hell, I even use this for "freak", I'm a freak, not a weirdo (unintentional Radiohead reference).
Now I feel like I can talk clearer!
I'm transgender specifically (pleonotic) instead of trans, I may use the term sometimes but "trans" doesn't really encompass me as well. I'm a non-binary butch man instead of anything like demiboy as both my maleness and non-binary-ness (?) are separated and sometimes I feel one more than the other, the closest I can explain this with common terms is like bigender (two genders at once), but not exactly. I've already touched on the butch aspect. Biromantic means I have romantic attraction to two or more genders, for me; men and women, can be non-binary too but not inherently. Omnisexual means I have sexual attraction to all genders but with a preference, I find my preference alternating but I don't have a term for that, so I just say omnisexual with alternating preference! (Please send me a label for this if it exists!). Ambiamorous simply means I can be happy in both a monogamous and polyamorous relationship. Pleonotic I have described already! Hypersexual is a term for people who struggle with the symptom of hypersexuality, usually due to trauma. Fictoromantic and fictosexual mean romantic and sexual attraction to fictional characters, it is an a-spec identity (with it being an aromantic identity and an asexual identity respectively). Vallisromantic and vallissexual are also aromantic and asexual identities, they represent the course of attraction for me, being that I am attracted at first meet (generally), lose interest as I become friends and gain that attraction again as I get closer. Objectum is just the attraction to objects, also an a romantic/asexual term I believe. Intersex is my condition. MOGAI is just the community of labels I am a part of and foxfreak is a reference to my autistic connection to foxes, belief of being a fox in my past life and being a freak.
After that system? It is just by interests and the like! Thanks for reading my first ramble of the event! - Algae & Cat Charlie (term definition finding, because he is good at that and I am not.)
