#algaelove

[asphodelpoetry]

i often wonder if i am fit to love

the thought stains like blood on sheets,

and lingers longer than any gentle touch i’ve known.

[asphodelpoetry]

you have no right to be angry.

i do not have my mother’s forgiveness;

i do not have my sister’s ignorance.

are you upset that i might not come back,

or is it that you know you bred this hatred in me?

[asphodelpoetry]

the shirt i wore is a memory;

how it felt across my chest a sin.

my arm will throb but i will stay in this room,

in this shirt,

because i am only made of my memories

and they are only made of desperation

[asphodelpoetry]

moments like this drink me in,

save my memory for the who i later become

not my hurt, or fear, or overwhelming pity;

current me weeps for the hour before,

but i am the pathetic husk my future grows from.

“you are changing between moments”

no change is great enough for my faults

[asphodelpoetry]

i will make you villainous;

the same way i will make you a saint

[asphodelpoetry]

they don’t tell you how life destroys.

year by year, my soul spliters

a waiting game for vultures,

i am a feast with no end

[asphodelpoetry]

i ache for our history.

i’ll miss you like my scars miss bleeding,

and i’ll damn you all the same

[asphodelpoetry]

the mirror is not my friend.

it is a piece of glass i hold against my throat,

wondering if i should push it in further

have i ever been beautiful?

the words pretty and handsome and cute die off

my skin shedding and peeling away from my bones,

i think and i look at that piece of glass:

am i beautiful enough to love?