#alienstagekin

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss how microphones during the Alien Stage didn't require tape to stick on my face......... I miss alien technology..... I hate mic tape........ it hurts whenever I finish a show..... my sound person though, bless their eternal soul, has been experimenting with how to rip the tape off the least painful they can. That's... one upside I suppose.

-LUKA🤍🌟

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[fictionkinfessions]

i've not sent an alnst confession for a while but i need to get some things off my chest. bear in mind that this is a very long 'fuck heperu'.

for one, people saying the version of me seen on the billboard is a clone are wrong. so wrong. it's not that it isn't likely, i get that. just a matter of not wanting to know how my father would have gone about doing that. it makes me think i lived for nothing.

on a similar note now i know my memories of what happened to me after wiege aren't inaccurate. i survived to suffer the consequences of breaking that carefully curated onstage persona and so on.

i'm glad to see till alive. glad that mizi got out. alien stage is an endless cycle to me. at least you escaped it.

in terms of replicating our dna to create those children i hate to say i knew about it all when they started. that's what happens when your father's well-known for his studies of human genetics! (though i highly doubt he took my dna. he had plenty of backups and i was already inconsolable)

that's about it. i've shared my thoughts on hyuna before.

i'm hoping everybody else is handling things well given how karma turned out. i've had a while to sort through my memories of it all.

- luka (alien stage)

✉

[fictionkinfessions]

Oh.

I just watched through the new release and um. I’m still figuring out how I feel, I think.

Knowing that Till and Hyuna are both dead (I think. Hyuna is but- a part of me is still hoping- praying? Till might not be. I don’t know-) is-

Till. I’m so sorry. I tried so hard to get to you in time and I didn’t make it- I couldn’t save you. I’m so sorry. I remember the times when we did hang out, we had a lot of fun together (even if we did get into Shenanigans™️ /silly). I always enjoyed your company, even if I didn’t exactly love you in the same way you loved me.

Hyuna. There’s so many things I want to say. You saved me, in more ways than one. You saved me from the competition, and then you saved me from myself. You gave me a reason to keep going, something to fight for. Honestly, you became something like what I would call an older sister? In my canon, you also helped me explore my gender identity and realize I’m nonbinary. We did fight sometimes (or. Mostly me shouting at you, I guess.) but you were always there for me anyway. I’m so sorry for what happened to you, and thank you for everything.

Luka. I’ve met my Luka, so this is mainly aimed towards him, but it also goes towards any Lukas on here who might read it. Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. It wasn’t your fault. Towards my Luka, I have several memories (I think) of what happens in the future (which I’ve already brought up with you), but we’ll have to see. For what it’s worth, I hope that we both make it through this (I have a feeling we will, but- saying hope to stay safe).

Ivan. Addressing you because I feel like I should as well. Honestly, you were like a big brother to me. I always enjoyed spending time with you, just chatting about anything and everything. I know I was a little overenthusiastic/annoying as a kid, so sorry about that haha… On a more serious note, I’m sorry about everything else that happened to you, too.

Sua. I… There’s so many things I want to say, and yet the words evade me. I think I’ll make another ask later about that. Watching us as children made me remember a lot and,,, I just have this ache in my chest? I miss you so bad. I remember when I joined the rebels, I felt like I was changing and growing as a person, and all of a sudden, you weren’t there to see it, and I had to move forward without you by my side. It was the hardest thing for me out of all of it. I love you more than words could ever say or you will ever know. I’ll always love you. I miss you so dearly. I hope that if you’re out there, you’re happy. And I do hope I’ll be able to find you again some day.

I think what made me the angriest/most upset was seeing what could’ve been. What could’ve happened. We could’ve been happy, we could have been kids. We could have grown up and lived and not been forced into that damn competition. And yet that was stolen from us.

It was stolen.

I hate them for taking it away from all of us.

I’m wishing the best to everyone.

- Mizi, Alien Stage. #☕️☁️🏹

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[fictionkinfessions]

Hello alien stage fictives/fictionkins. How are we feeling? I am not feeling good.

- Luka (alien stage) #💫🎶

✉

[fictionkinfessions]

Why can't I ever remember anything relatively fun, like the birthday parties I attended, or the books I read, or something like that? It always has to be so terrible, apparently. I've been having memories flood back of how gruesome it was to have wires and clips in my mouth all of the time when I was young, trying to 'fix' my smile. It's a miserable process. Very bloody. Eating hurts afterward, because everything stings and your mouth is all swollen. Can't say I enjoyed the restraints any, either. Left my wrists and ankles pretty sore.

It's funny how it hurt so much, trying my best to do what was asked and still failing, when I was doing it to avoid pain in the first place. I thought if I kept my grades up, exhibited good behavior, I could earn some sort of peace. It wasn't entirely pointless; they definitely went easier on me than others. But it was still so, so terrible. There was no 'easy' for anyone, no pleasing them. And it sure didn't save me, in the end. I was still just as inferior to them as before.

I never did like my smile, in the end. I don't think that whole experience helped. I still find myself feeling forced to do it, sometimes. Hopefully these days, it won't be an act as often.

-Ivan (Alien Stage) #☄️🌊🖤

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[fictionkinfessions]

[Alien Stage Round 7 vague spoilers??]

To any Tills out there I’m sending you lots of hugs. I don’t know if they’ll be helpful but you deserved so much better.

— Ivan (Alien Stage) #📺🎙💥

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[fictionkinfessions]

hi luka.

i've been reluctant to say anything about alien stage because i want to fill my life up with only good things; my greatest wish is to always feel free and to find happiness while i can in this life. that being said, before our song comes out, i want you to know that i forgive you. i remember you from before: both from other lives and before hyunwoo left my life. i also want to say that i, from the the bottom of my heart, desire for you to live and wish for your happiness. i want us both to live. will vivinos grant that? who's to say. but here is my desire.

is it naïve? maybe the hyuna who exists within that universe would be angry with me, would scold me for carelessly saying such a thing without having all the facts and without knowing how things end. but i resist tragedy. you and i both know that the death and chaos inflicted on us and even that which we have inflicted on one another as a collective has been manufactured by those who don't have our best interests in mind. i have never been property and neither have you. despite what you were taught and told, you have value outside of singing and performing. and i think of you as human, no matter what.

when i first heard of till's death, i was so angry with you luka. i barely knew anything about alien stage, but i knew you. and i felt that i was myself. hot, angry tears ran down my face. i thought, "how could you do this again?! there's no saving you." i cried so hard about something i'd barely watched. i've only seen bits and pieces, avoiding it in its entirety. and at that time, i didn't even know about hyunwoo; that was just memory kicking in. i was angry and wanted to give up on you. but that very same day, i forgave you. why?

there's no room for me at this stage in my personal development for hatred. and if there's a chance, i want you to self-actualize within the source. i don't want either of our deaths. to live, despite it all, despite the challenges—that's meaningful, that's powerful. if the luka i know reads this, i need to say this: you are a person. and you deserve to live. i am a person and i deserve to live. we are not creations. humanity's greatest strength is our endurance and hope in the face of adversity. i wish the best for all the remaining survivors. and for those who are gone, i remember you. especially my brother. may you all find happiness in your lives and never succumb to despair. keep the fire in your heart alive and look towards the light.

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[fictionkinfessions]

Generally, the relationship with my parents in my canons is either very poor or outright terrible (my fathers are especially shit); but sometimes, very rarely, I'm allowed to have a mother who loves me. Unfortunately, whenever I do have a canon like this, it's almost guaranteed that we'll be forcibly separated, or she'll die. There's no in between.

Seeing the alien stage update today didn't surprise me at all, though it did hurt. I wish I could've stayed with her a bit longer. I feel like the love and kindness she gave me is something I carried for a long time, despite all the pain.

Anyways, I'll stop before I really embarrass myself, it's just a lot to think about.

- till (#🤍🌻🦭)

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