Sicktember 2023 Day 5: Preventative Measures Not Taken
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Sickie: Raina
Allergies, Anaphylaxis,
Jack doesn’t know what’s better: the fact that he has this beautiful day off work or the fact Raina does too and they’re spending it in the park together. He packed a picnic for them and they walked the thirty minutes from their apartment to Prospect Park and they’re currently sitting in the grass under his favorite tree enjoying the sandwiches and fruit salad and beers that he packed. He takes his shoes off and stretches out his toes in the grass, laughing when he sees Raina do the same.
“This sandwich is so good, babe,” she says with her mouth full.
“The secret is mayo and mustard,” he says.
“Oooh, big secret. Better not let big sandwich find out about that one,” she laughs.
“Shut up, you like the sandwich.”
“I do,” she grins, “I like it so much. I’m so glad we did this. This winter sucked, I thought it would never be fucking warm again.”
“I know what you mean,” he says, stretching out on his back, feeling the sun warm him.
He stares up at Raina as she finishes her sandwich. Her light brown hair is so shiny, pulled back in a ponytail. From this angle he can see the soft little hairs at the nape of her neck. He doesn’t know why, but the sight of them always makes him a little nuts for her. She’s just so damn beautiful, her rounded shoulders and her sharp jaw and the bluest eyes he’s ever seen.
She catches him looking at her out of the corner of her eye and smiles at him. “What?” she asks.
“Nothing, just admiring you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he says. “You amaze me every time.”
She blushes, the flush creeping up her neck. When she’s done with her sandwich she lays back in the grass, her face next to his and reaches an arm across his chest, her other arm under her head as a pillow. They lay there, half dozing, kissing occasionally, not doing much of anything up just enjoying the day. Eventually they sit up to head home.
“Ouch,” she says, rubbing her ankle. “I got some gnarly bug bites on my feet. They really itch.”
“Sorry babe,” he says a little absently, packing up their picnic into his backpack. “We can put some Benadryl on them when we get home.”
“Yeah, I guess,” she says.
They set out for home, walking through the long meadow and out one of the tunnels onto the Grand Army Plaza. They walk past the library and back towards their place in Crown Heights. He notices Raina scratching her arm.
“Bugs got your arm too?” he asks.
“No, I don’t think so. This just started itching since we’ve been walking.”
“Huh, weird.”
They walk down Eastern Parkway towards their apartment, one of his arms wrapped around her waist. Raina stops suddenly. “Can we sit for a minute?” she asks. “I feel weird.”
“Weird how?” he asks, guiding them over to a bench in the shade.
“I don’t know, weird. Kind of lightheaded all of a sudden.” She drops heavily onto the bench.
“Are you okay?” he asks, sitting beside her.
“I don’t know,” she fans herself, “I feel like something’s wrong. But I don’t know what. My heart is pounding.”
He turns her face towards him. Her skin is clammy and her lips are noticeably swollen. There’s a weird look of fear in her eyes. He grabs her wrist to feel her pulse and before he can take it he realizes her arm is covered in hives.
“I think you’re having an allergic reaction,” he says.
“Huh? But I’m not allergic to sandwiches,” she says. She’s breathing heavily.
“I don’t think it’s the sandwiches,” he says. “Have you ever had a bad reaction to bug bites before?”
She shakes her head, but she doesn’t seem like she’s really listening. “Ray? Have you ever had this happen before?”
“I think once when I was a kid, maybe? Ant bites.” She leans forward, head between her knees.
“Do you have an epi-pen?”
“I did when I was a kid, but I never had to use it, so I stopped carrying it around in college.”
He rolls his eyes. “Okay, I’m gonna get us a cab. We’ll go to the ER.”
“Unhhh,” she moans, “Jack I feel weird.”
“I know babe,” he rubs her back with one hand as he orders a car with the other.
“No I mean I feel–” she stops suddenly and heaves, bringing up the chunky, thick remains of her sandwich. She groans and another wave of beige turkey sandwich and grapes spills onto the ground between her feet. “I feel sick, that’s what I meant.”
“Shit, babe.” he rubs her back. He cancels the cab. “I’m gonna call an ambulance.”
“Nooo, too spensive,” her voice is slurred and sounds distant.
Jack tries not to panic as he calls 911 and explains the situation to the operator who assures him that an ambulance is on its way to them. Raina throws up between her feet again. He feels panic surging through him, but he tries to stay calm for her. The operator instructs him to lay her down flat and elevate her feet, so he does, putting the phone down so he can wrangle her. He gets her on the ground with her feet up on the bench and he strokes her hair. She still seems like she’s breathing okay, just fast, so he tries to focus on her breathing and get her to breathe along with him.
After what feels like hours but is probably less than ten minutes, the paramedics arrive. They work quickly, taking her vitals and injecting the epinephrine into her thigh. As they monitor her vitals, one of them has Jack recount everything that happened. He tells them but his eyes are on Raina’s face the whole time and he wishes they would let him hold her hand or do something . He hates feeling so fucking useless while the love of his life is lying there barely conscious.
The paramedics bring the stretcher and move Raina onto it and Jack feels like he’s going to pass out, but they let him ride in the ambulance and hold her hand. She seems a little more aware of what’s going on and the paramedics start an IV. There’s an oxygen mask on her face, but at least they let him hold her hand and when he squeezes it, she squeezes back. She throws up again in the ambulance and he can’t believe there's even anything left in her stomach.
In the hospital after IV benadryl and steroids and a breathing treatment Raina is shaky and worn, but she smiles at him. “Sorry, babe,” she says. “I ruined our perfect park day.”
“It’s not ruined,” he says, kissing her hand. “You’re okay, so it’s a good day.”
“Jack,” she says, “It was a disaster.”
He leans his forehead against her knuckles. “You really scared me, Ray.” He tries to keep his voice steady, but it breaks on him anyway.
“I know,” she says softly. “I’m sorry.”
“We’re getting you an epi-pen, and you better not ever leave the house without it.”
“I promise,” she says and yawns widely. She reaches her other hand over and strokes his hair. “I’m okay, Jack,” she says.
He can’t look up at her. He knows she’s okay, but he can’t stop the tears of commingled fear and relief.
“Oh, Jack,” she says softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He takes a shaky breath and nods. “Maybe we’ll try the beach next day off. Less bugs.”
This is the first year where pollen started to mess with my head. Everything is literally pounding and shaking and I can't breathe and it's like having a seizure but a mental one. I'm having a mental seizure.
When I came back to France last summer for 2 months, I got checked for gluten and lactose intolerance, both happened to be positive.
I would just feel like crap eating anything with wheat or milk. Which includes a lot of different food. I lost 15lbs in about 5 weeks. And felt great !
Then for different reason, the main one called BULIMIA, I didn't care about getting hurt and feel sick after whatever I could possibly eat.
And I decided to go back to this grain and milk free diet ( I use this word as " way to eat " compare to the mostly used definition that includes restrictions and frustrations ). It worked so far, to keep me away from binges. Because I learned about it, got knowledge about it, and most of all, I know that my soul and body are better without it.
I will try to introduce things back step by step, when I will feel ready. But for now, my food plan will be based on veggies, fish, seeds, nuts, fruits, eggs, cottage cheese ( lactose free ) and greek yogurt ( also very low lactose ). Not as a restriction, but once again, because I feel happy with those categories !
