#almost got arrested

[thislovesdaylight]

“you really are a weird runner” nancy says with such affection in her voice

[melancholieanger]

So today my dad was telling me about some of the houses where he used to do landscaping as a teen. Apparently he found out that the house right across from the one he was working on belonged to the creator of Barney the Dinosaur. He told his friends and they all went

*John Mulaney voice* “So we decided to go over there, and destroy the place“

...and that is the story of how my dad almost got arrested as a teenager for egging the house of Barney the Dinosaur‘s creator.

[aguecheek]

Wow I’m embarrassed

[therumorsareterribleandcruel]

I almost got arrested today 😂😂😂

"I jump from the train"

I was buying some cheese for my lunch and I live really close to a subway station, and the market it's the other side of the subway and everybody pass through the train tracks every DAY and today I was going to pass through it (I don't do it every day cause it's dangerous) and there were like some people that work in there and they saw me, nothing happened but I'm scared that they, idk, look in the cameras and find me and send me to Italy or Brazil 😂😂

I'M CRAZY GUYS IMMA BAD INFLUENCE

I'm never doing that again

If they find me I'm going to the jail and I'm not going to survive in there!!!

[kruemel8]

Via.

[bethbruttenholm]

OHHOHOHO UNITED AIRLINES.

NEVER AGAIN.

[wotinspntarnation]

Update on job status

Yesterday my District Manager calls me and before I answer I’m like fuck this is it she’s gonna fire me. Plot twist: she invites me to a manager and store lead party??? Taco bar, margaritas, and a bonfire + genuine girl time. She never even got a call about the ‘me almost getting arrested’ incident and said she’s really proud of how well I’ve handled the busiest stores by myself. Ya girl thought she was gonna get fired but jokes on me because I’ll be a store lead soon.

[nihilistic--misanthrope]

I need to stop