#almost had a panic attack

[virtie333]

If there was any moment I wish I was financially stable enough to just quit, it would be right now.

[oldweedsmokingbf]

i hate super walmarts I hate crowds i hate old women giving me dirty looks i hate people who don't move out of the way i hate people who get too close to you i hate people who crowd up aisles you're trying to walk through i hate people who cut you off i hate all the good squishmallows were taken i hate loud people

[cloudy-dayys]

just got my contact and now its settling in my eye

[pretendingboyfriends]

hello is tumblr working again

[grantwilson]

why is being an adult so stressful

[sacrificemelamb]

tw: long vent. 💔

setting a boundary is so crazy. hahah. guess who’s mom is no longer funding therapy. cause im being brainwashed. because im not letting her make my choices about my vacation as an adult. hahaha. actually nothing is funny. that was terrible and i am so fucking sure day by day im getting closer to sobbing in therapy.

like honestly this is so exhausting, i feel seen and supported for the first time in my life, finally someone as in an adult (brochacho im an adult but whatever), believes me and hears me and sees me and it just… it feels so weird but so good and im actually making changes — like she motivates me to change and to finally do what i wanted to do for so long but was scared to. she makes me feel like i can do it. like idk. like im capable. and i never feel capable and no one sees me as capable. like most of my dreams are questioned or laughed at or i never go for them afraid of what my family and others will say. and now i’m looking for a job again, reading books, thinking about what i want to do in the near future — like small to big goals and i lowkey felt lost since i got to college, that was what i wanted and i felt like after i won’t achieve the things i want and she makes me feel like if she believes in me then i can believe in myself.

mind you, all i said is i will not go on a trip that was paid off without asking me if i will go!!! like i said that three times or more “no one asked me if i want to go” and no one has to this day. i honestly could go. i could suck it up but i don’t want to. why should they make choices for me? especially when they promised this will stop once im an adult… yeah yeah. also yes, they are my mother, i kept doing that in therapy. calling one person aka my mom “they”

honestly all i said was i won’t go and she said she won’t give me any more money for therapy because im being brainwashed and that my therapist should make me go out more and make me like do stuff. because i barely go out. but like… she is encouraging me to do that… like… to get a job? she even dropped some suggestions about support groups and psycholog trainings so i can meet people like me and feel supported yk. like she “made” me go to a library which was hella stressful but i was so excited too, because that thought crossed my mind many times but it wasn’t until her book homework that i actually did do what i wanted. and im so proud of myself for going because i almost didn’t. im going to the doctor this week, alone, for the first time and can’t wait to tell her that i went alone, because new places freak me the fuck out. idk where to go, but im capable and i will go and i will do it.

like genuinely having someone believe in me makes me realise that all the other people in my live could’ve just believed in me and supported me, but they chose not to (subconsciously or not), but also i hate to say that she is very sneakily making me believe in myself more. it’s really in the small things even just feeling supported and i feel so alone in this moment once more. like i will be seeing her later this week and im already so unhappy because i thought my mom will be more civil — i also wanted to talk about her comments about therapy, because she’s been very rude imo and just making me feel sucky, but honestly i’ll probably drop that one because there’s no more space for it for now. im assuming i’ll also get the silent treatment. maybe a snarky comment here and there… i can’t wait 😭 honestly idk i might delete this but i just need to get it out of my system and a journal doesn’t work as well as sharing my thoughts sometimes ok.

honestly im terrified because this is the beginning. like i just started doing anything remotely therapy related, because i talked in therapy about the trip and that made me realise i don’t want to go, because that’s me giving them a green light to do it again. which is a thought i had before but idk talking about it made me see it more clearly. i just yap and that’s how i process everything! like no but seriously my therapist talked about how she isnt pushing or implying that i break the relationship with my mother but take care of me while being in it but this makes me wanna drop it but also i live with her wow and also i fear i wanna run away from hardship and chose the easy way out. so we shall see.

[onegaishimash]

The Misadventures of Florida Man Business Man the Weregar. Part 2.

[noizy-mute]

I am so stressed out rn, i wanna go and sleep somewhere safe and cozy forever but I have work and ive been on the flverge of a breakdown for weeks and I want to cry but I dont have time or else I cant sleep and ill get peopl mad at me for not doing things right and i lm i wanna cry but i cant causee im at work

i havnr had a day off of working in over a week. and I cant do anything about it yet

im gonna

hold that thpught actually.

I just fuckin calmed myself out of a panic attack by calling myself a good puppy. it was kinda weird cause it didnt sound like my mind voice really but it actually worked.

also why does stress make me depressed as hell??? like it suvks cause it just makes me even more stressed out