✍: For what my muse has written about yours in their diary. @fckaugust
DISCLAIMER: cyrelle does not journal. i had debated on adapting this to something more realistic for her, like a scene from one of her therapy sessions in 2020 ( inspired by the ‘fuck everyone who isn’t a sea slob’ episode of ‘euphoria’ ). but then i realized that cyrelle probably never got in too deep with her therapist before she stopped going. so, that scene would’ve just been cyrelle saying something like “oh i guess august was one of my friends from darkwood” and not really expanding much on that singular fact because she MUST be Unknowable even to the people she pays to know her. it wouldn’t have been very interesting for anyone to read or for me to write. but let it be known that the idea came to me & i still ended up settling for what cyrelle probably would have written about august in her diary, if she was the type of person to document her uncensored thoughts. which she is not, but for the sake of this prompt she is and she has a green leuchtturm1917 notebook. also idk if i need to clarify this, but these are just excerpts from what i imagine are longer diary entries — i’m only writing out the parts where she directly references august ( since that’s the prompt ) b/c i cannot be bothered to write out every single thought cyrelle had outside of him. but i just wanted to point that out so that no one’s reading this & left thinking “is august ALL she would write about?” no, probably not, i’m just really lazy!
NOVEMBER 17, 2010
MX brought the new American boy over today. The one who “replaced” Eddie. It’s so fucked up, that the Michaels just went all the way to the States and got another kid to take his place in their home. I wanted to ask if he knew about the son they kicked out before him, but I didn’t. What if he didn’t know? Then I’d have to be the one to tell him about Eddie, and that’s not really my story to tell. Plus I didn’t want him to start getting worried about possibly getting tossed to the curb, too, on the off chance that he gets accused of a horrible crime that no one can actually prove he committed. Besides, he’ll get more than his fill of Darkwood gossip soon enough. He’s already at the center of some of it — Sharleen McKinnon said he had a “record” in the States. Don’t know what the fuck that means or how she knows all that. She didn’t have much else to say after I tossed her in the dumpster.
NOVEMBER 20, 2010
Apparently August is from West Virginia, yet he somehow hasn’t seen “October Sky.” Tragic.
NOVEMBER 22, 2010
Made August watch “October Sky” with me, & realized too late that I had talked all the way through it. I don’t know if he remembered a single character’s name by the end because I kept going on about the stupid Space Race. He didn’t seem too annoyed by me, though, & I loaned him my copy of the DVD to make up for it. So I think we’re fine.
DECEMBER 3, 2010
There aren’t many things as funny as the look on August’s face after he realized that ordering “bacon” at Roy’s means getting the kind that’s not streaky. Welcome to England, friend.
MARCH 11, 2012
God, I really just told Sierra that one of my professors is “plumb crazy.” Fucking August.
SEPTEMBER 9, 2014
Holy fuck, August was there, too. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
JULY 8, 2016
Fuck, I actually did text August last night. I’m such a fucking mess. How do I not remember that? Is it worse if I just don’t explain myself? I doubt he’d want to hear from me again.
OCTOBER 29, 2019
How the fuck do I forget my own birthday, yet August still remembers it? I know I didn’t wish him a happy birthday when his came around. I’m such a loser.
JANUARY 30, 2020
I can’t fucking stand that mural. I hate that I have to see their faces every time I come back into town. It’s marvelous and he’s so talented and I hate it. How is it that he goes through something that horrific and creates something so beautiful from it? I used to always think we were more alike than different, but I can’t create shit. I go through shitty situations and come out of them an even shittier person who contributes absolutely nothing to society. It’s better that we don’t really talk anymore because then I don’t think I can pretend to love this thing he created. He deserves all the praise in the world and I can’t even fucking give him the bare minimum compliment. Nina and George would be so proud of it, Rachel would love to be able to see it. And I can’t stand to even look at it. I fucking suck.
FEBRUARY 21, 2014 ( ROMAN RELOADED — THE RE-UP )
It’s funny, I missed him more than I realized I did. And he never actually left. That’s kind of a tragedy in and of itself — losing someone you could’ve had all along, if things had just been a little different.
✍: For what my muse has written about yours in their diary.
i wish i could explain why i’m like this but i just don’t know, i can’t stay interested in anything for very long and even when i am interested... i just don’t give a fuck after a little while. it’s not the same with people. i never lose interest in the people that are still here or the ones that aren’t anymore. i never lose interest in rachel. i never lose interest august. i just lose interest in me. or maybe i’ve just lost interest in the latest version.
[excerpt about rachel]
[excerpt about george and nina’s death]
[excerpts about dean]
and then august, he’s never going to get it. a million times over he’ll never understand, i’ve never seen someone who hates all the components about life but still manages to live. i don’t hate life, i just don’t care that it’s happening. i’ve tried that just living shit, i’ve tried to be more like him.
but it’s just not the same really, is it? you can’t just tell someone hey it’s me, not you. that’s just a shitty line in bad films that nik would probably write and direct if he had half the chance. it’s true though. one of these days i’m gunna be gone and the people i care about won’t know it’s got nothing to do with them why... that it wasn’t them... it was all just me.
starting the investigation from scratch seems to give ravi a different perspective on things. the last time that he had arrived in darkwood, there was someone producing a movie about the events that happened. he didn’t focus too much on it because there was a lot to wrap his mind around, but this time it’s one of the first people he tries to track down.
he knows that he has to tread lightly. he’s supposed to be completely new to the town and he doesn’t know how many others have kept their memories. for now he takes his camera and heads outside. even though it’s a storm, some of the most beautiful pictures can be captured during it.
ravi doesn’t turn it on quite yet, not wanting the battery to die just in case the blackout lasts longer than he thinks, but he finally manages to spot nik. “hey, do you think i can bother you for a second?” he smiles softly, letting the camera rest on the strap around his neck. “i’m agent karim, new to town. i was wondering if you any good spots to take pictures of? i’m trying to build a map of the town for my investigation.”
SENT | 08:37 AM, 02/23/13 | BROOKLYN → AUGUST: Would you wanna hang out sometime?
SENT | 08:37 AM, 02/23/13 | BROOKLYN → AUGUST: Wait, I’m sorry, was that weird?
SENT | 08:39 AM, 02/23/13 | BROOKLYN → AUGUST: Shit, I didn’t mean like ‘hang out’ hang out! I just don’t have many friends and I think you seem kind of cool.
SENT | 08:40 AM, 02/23/13 | BROOKLYN → AUGUST: ‘Kind of’ isn’t an insult. You’re cool is what I’m trying to say.
SENT | 08:45 AM, 02/23/13 | BROOKLYN → AUGUST: Oh, God, I’m sorry.
SENT | 08:47 AM, 02/23/13 | BROOKLYN → AUGUST: Please just ignore me, we never have to speak of this again, I’m so sorry!
2014: it seems unfair that bad things happen to good people and good things seem to happen to people who don’t deserve it it’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair
2015: party tonite @ 21 cornerstone are you gunna stop beefing with dean or
2016: be honest, do you think area 51 exists? if so why? dissertation.
2018: been struggling lately.... not really sure how much longer this can go on for... remember when we used to talk shit lol we should get together soon
SENT MX → AUGUST:
2017: so the chainsmokers are like cool now? called it. u owe me. i knew they were talented since the masterpiece that was HASHTAG SELFIE
