Chuck Shurley x Reader: Penitence of the Light
Forgiveness came in the small moments, stolen away while prying eyes were guided elsewhere.
Your anger had at last abated to a faint thrum in your veins, a lingering bitterness that haunted your subconscious, appearing as annoyed annunciations whenever casual citations to His splendor chuckled past chapped lips.
Nevertheless, you could not deny the strength of your relief, the magnetizing moments of pure, unbridled joy at His presence, your compassionate nature and unconditional love an indomitable force prompting each welcoming embrace, clinging desperately to the person you had thought gone for so long.
You forced away all doubts of His attachment, comforted in the strength as He pulled you even closer, steadfastly securing you against his frame.
The brush of lips against your temple, the cautious brush of fingertips tracing moisture from your eyelid, the tremulous cacophony of emotions roiling in His eyes-
Frantic fingers dug deep into clustered curls, dragging His crown back to your shoulder, holding Him once more in your arms.
For years, you had thought Him lost, heart always aching in the unspoken goodbyes and declarations of the depth of your attachment. And now, just on the fragile, feeble cusp of having forced yourself to finally move on, He was here again, fingers fondly forming familiar figure-eights across your back. The newfound discovery of His divinity dimmed your relief, feeding distaste and the distant strands of distrust.
"You’re such an asshole."
Your proclamation only partially passed your lips, vexation puncturing the discreet outburst.
Judging by the small sounds of amusement softly escaping Him, a preamble to another firm hug, desperation solidifying as He crushed you against Him, molding Himself around you in a cocoon of everlasting devotion and protection-
"I know." A sigh escaped Him, full of feelings you couldn't possibly hope to unravel, breath teasing your neck as He turned to murmur into your hair. "I'm sorry."
The apology, sincere and certain as the steady progression of a stream, whispered past His lips, three simple syllables which certain celestials would sacrifice essentially anything to have them grace their ears. The certitude mustered more confidence, a soft-spoken guarantee that assured you of His affection.
The simplest truth, murmured into His shoulder, bewildering timidity preventing you from seeking out His gaze.
His grasp shifted once more, a soft spoken grouse grumbling against your skin.
“You have no idea how times I wanted to spirit you away.”
There was an irritated puff of air, a possessive pressure applied through His grip, His fingers clawed in the unanticipated yen.
“Hell, I’m tempted to run away with you right now.”
Flattery triggered a series of fluttering in your pulse, the burst of bashfulness thrown aside in favor of playful pitch.
“But my Lord- Aren’t you supposed to be above temptation?”
His retorting growl rendered gooseflesh, the slight slash of clawed digits signifying His displeasure at your teasing.
Despite evidence to exasperation and the weight of warning worming its way into His words, familiar fondness filled your spirit, falling out in fading fragments of laughter.
“I’m sorry,” came the first, followed by a soft kiss against His temple, candor and acquiescence offered in your refrain. “I’m sorry.”
Moments passed, insignificant in all conceivable ways when compared to the continued clasp of the Creator, the familiarity of the gesture, the fondness between you, the comfort elicited by such simple means-
Not even passing footsteps padding past the open doorframe were enough to pull you away, fleeting apprehension of an unanticipated audience an anxiety quickly dismissed, eyes drifting shut as you made sure to commit the moment to memory.
There were more to follow, each brief gesture carefully hoarded as deeply into your heart as you could possibly dare.
You drew comfort from the lingering presence of His fingertips across your shoulders whenever He paced around the table debating tactics with Dean, the consistent contentment in glancing up from tedious tomes to look upon longing lividus irises, the brimming affection you tried to obscure from Sam's suspicious gaze.
You were falling into near forgotten habits, every encounter electrifying your veins, harmonies to familiar tunes carrying across the hectic kitchen as you would cast carefree jests and mocking expressions behind the Creator's back.
Despite the prolonged denial of your pardon, the fall back into friendship was fully consuming you.
Your condemnations still sometimes sought center stage however, damning His pride and His severance in some of the more heated moments of strategizing. Wary Winchesters were woefully unable to dissuade your accusations, worry turning to wrath when your words were espoused by an equally enraged Archangel.
Lucifer proved an unwavering ally when presented with the vengeful visage of God, borrowed eyes narrowed as he shielded you from retaliation. The combined strength of your indivisibility- Archfiend, Seraph, and Humane- often proved enough to drive the Despot away, merited meekness heralded in His return, muted atonement bequeathed to His sons before sequentially seeking the ultimate source of His consistent distress.
You were always waiting for Him, hidden away in small enclaves, sometimes perched beneath the telescope, other times stationed precariously upon tabletops.
He always returned to you, quietly affirming your accusations, apologetic litanies weaving around you in the very next breath.
It was in those stolen moments, away from the curious glances of Heavenly Host, Darling Devils, and Haggard Hunters, when He fully revealed His true vulnerabilities, a collapsing star tumbling headlong into your arms.
One such moment, more memorable than most, an epilogue to a particularly dreadful disagreement, He ensnared you while you had been exiting the library, earning your ephemeral exacerbation at His precipitous gesture of devotion.
Distress departed soon enough, drifting away as His fingers entwined your own in a nonsensical cluster, His concessions cascading in a cluttered, cynical cry, sodalite irises shining in subdued contriteness, knees pressed to the floor as He pleaded for your forgiveness.
Confusion and concern had you pulling Him upright once more, dragging Him to the nearest seats. Embarrassment prevented coherence to your words, a muss of sensibilities too extreme to truly comprehend.
Upon somehow detecting your acceptance however, He was once more surrounding you, falling into you, entire galactic clusters gravitating into your embrace.
You slowly carded your fingers through His hair, crescive contentment creating a cozy cover contrasting the crassness of the utilitarian backdrop.
In this moment, it was easy to pretend you were home again, sharing a couch and cocoa as He considered the next clauses for His gospels.
In this moment, it was easy to pretend your companion was nothing more than the verified persona of inelegance and timorousness.
In this moment, it was easy to pretend that the cradling hands that had carved the very cosmos, carefully placed on your cheeks, that the gaze that had beheld the birth of starlight, searching your eyes with endless yearning, that the words of adoration-
The query shattered your resolve, reduced the armor so carefully assembled throughout the time of His absence to ash.
You longed to believe, longed so wholly for the words He wove to be true that you were willing to overlook His past sins, forget all previous transgressions, ignore the crushing Reality of who He was, what He was, and how utterly insignificant your presence must be in the grand scheme of Infinity.
And how dare He continue casting this charade after claiming deference.
His interruption, authoritative and succinct, annihilated your attempts of dismissiveness, silencing you with a long-suffering huff.
Calloused hands lifted yours, blue eyes sweeping you into their eternity. His expression elicited temporary surrender, candidness crafting a transitory calm to your customary fretfulness and self-doubt.
“When I first wrote about you, not once in a million years did I expect to care about you so much.”
Perfect sincerity played a part in the small stuttering of your heartbeat, irregular rhythm harassed by the small upturn of His lips, the delighted mirth hovering around Him.
“Then you come crashing into the story with a clusterfuck of chaos and compassion- I couldn’t help being drawn to you. Everything you had for me kept me on my toes; you drove me nuts.”
He offered a sweet assurance, but your discomfort was far from assuaged.
“There’s a big difference between writing about someone and truly knowing them, Chuck.”
He offered a small tilt of His head, a trait common to His celestial children, curiosity carved into His features. “I know.”
Clarity suddenly presented itself, His mouth opening in a small breath of understanding, closing once more in pensiveness. His silence lingered for some time before He was speaking again, softer, sweeter, more somber.
“It’s not your character that I love. It’s you.”
The phrase fell upon your ears with a finality that offered no space for contention, an edict burned into your very soul.
“That character I created? They’re nothing compared to you. The real you. The person who cares so deeply for everyone else that they constantly forget to worry about themselves. The person who constantly chooses kindness over violence. The person who decided that the Devil would enjoy Denny’s, whose most embarrassing moment was-”
You started, quickly shushing Him by pressing your pointer to His lips, panic and annoyance and gratitude overlapping in a jumbled mess of nerves, making your thoughts near impossible to decipher.
Recognizing that you had no further reprimands, He lifted His hand once more, tenderly taking yours to draw you nearer, crown bowed in reverence as He pressed His lips to your palm, eyes closing in penitent praise.
“In this entire Universe- You’re the only person I’d be lost without. I just hope one day you can actually believe me.”
Outside this small circle of clandestine serenity, a war beyond all reckoning was brewing. Duty dictated dedication to the cause, a devotion to developing strategies to combat Chaos and concepts that had plagued the Cosmos since its conception.
But for this moment, for this brief, fleeting moment, you would allow yourself a single slip of selfishness, succumbing to the sublimity of simple bliss.
For this single moment, hidden away from prying eyes while their attention was needed elsewhere, you savored the wisdom that you, with all your limitations, with all your mistakes, with all the flaws that made you so tragically human-
You alone had brought God to His knees.
