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No Catching Feelings | Part 4; M

pairing: Hyunjin x Reader

rating: 18+

word count: 10.2k

genre: smut / enemies to lovers / fake dating / semi social media au

warnings: it gets a bit wild here, blowjob, lots of pda, cursing!, bitch fights, language!!!!, heavy making out, yn is hornier than hyunjin in this one, some angst, spitting kink, they're once again very messy i apologize, it's a bit nasty, pet names

I’m putting an extra tw here for mention of very dubious consent!!!!! It’s nothing descriptive or in depth, it is mentioned in barely one sentence and it’s also not completely non consensual, but just in case you are triggered easily by things like these I’m putting the warning out there!

summary: Even though Hyunjin and you would rather kill each other than be civil, somehow you end up being the person forced to help him with his peculiar girl troubles. Secretly you’re sure Jisung forced you to fake-date just to watch the chaos ensue.

disclaimer: English is not my native language, you know the drill... @bangchans-bitch helped out massively with this part again, i honestly appreciate that so much 💖💖

taglist: @geniejunn @changbinscypher @anythingrelatingtojinyoung @imhyvnjin @ninjaleeknow @babyracha97@vantxx95 @minaamhh @heiroftragedy @enhardhours @lacy-loo @helwegen @caratinylyfe @danyxthirstae01 @19yearsmemories

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“So, what kind of party is this anyway?“

Two days ago you had woken with Hyunjin’s hands down your underwear, and not a few hours ago you had been trying to explain to Jisung why exactly you couldn’t indulge in how good Hyunjin made you feel. You were already walking down a road that might just be the biggest mistake you could possibly make. But you also couldn’t deny that it felt good. That he made you feel good. Obviously he was quite capable of making you feel physically good, and if his fingers were any indication, you didn’t even want to entertain the thought of anything more than that. Because thinking about him between your legs, his mouth on you, him inside you, filling you up and pressing you into the mattress with his own weight on top of you… if your thoughts kept going down that lane you would no doubt have woken Hyunjin up solely by how wet you got.

Instead, you had carefully removed his hand from your underwear and stolen back into your own bed before he could wake up and realized the way too intimate position you had woken up in. Or initiate anything that came even close to repeating what you had done the night before.

Yes, Hyunjin physically made you feel good, but despite the constant bickering and banter you realized that somehow he also made you feel comfortable and safe, and that was another train of thought you definitely did not want to go down. So instead you had tried to keep your distance as well as you could in a way he wouldn’t immediately notice. You didn’t actually mind spending time with him, your bickering having indeed turned in something that came closer to your own way of flirting rather than actually wanting to be mean to each other. You couldn’t quite pinpoint how or when that had happened, but every time Hyunjin was nagging or saying something that would have driven you up the walls, it now just didn’t hit quite so personally. There was little to no malicious intent from either of you behind the things you were saying to each other, but also less reason to even say them in the first place. It seemed like kissing Hyunjin had also made him more inclined to ignore the mess you liked living in, but it also motivated you to clean at least a bit more. Shortly put, bickering had become fun, where it used to have an entirely more hurtful motivation before.

You hadn’t quite managed to avoid ending up seated on the kitchen counter, him standing between your legs and his tongue down your throat. Hyunjin’s hand had slipped under your shirt, his fingers toying with your nipples until he had you moaning, head leant back to give him access to your neck. The bites he left would surely bruise, spreading from your jaw to the soft flesh of your breasts, and when he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth through your shirt you had accidentally knocked over the dirty dishes and broken a bowl. It had at least saved you from having to gather the self-restraint to stop, but it only made staying away from him even harder.

Now you were standing in your room, door open so you could still talk to Hyunjin in the living room without having to shout, trying to find a look for that one party you had conscripted yourself to attending with him.

“I don't know? It's a party, what do you mean ‘what kind’?“

You rolled your eyes, tempted to go over into the living room just to whack him over the head. “If a party were just a party I would have shown up to prom in sweatpants. I want to know if I have to dress all fancy.”

“Right, I forgot you’re real classy,” you heard Hyunjin snort, the sounds drawing closer as he was clearly walking over to your room. You spun to fix him with a glare before he could actually cross the threshold.

“Know your limits, boy,” you chided, your hand held out in his direction to stop him before he got any ideas. “Remember, my private space.“

You were more joking than serious, waving that same hand around to indicate you meant your room. You watched the way Hyunjin stuck his tongue out at you and stepped one foot into the room just to spite you, before his focus strayed from your face down to your rather revealing top, paired with a flattering skirt that you knew made your legs look amazing.

To his credit, he didn't linger, keeping up the ruse of simply assessing your outfit for propriety. He was definitely not dressed too fancy, but clearly had made an effort. Washed-out, light blue jeans were hugging his legs tightly, accentuating his thighs and if you hadn't seen him walk around in those pants on at least three previous occasions you might have lost your mind right there and then. He always tended to wear rather loose tops, but he had intentionally left the first three buttons of his black shirt open today and it hung unashamedly low so both of his collarbones were exposed. You had to root yourself to the spot not to walk over and run your fingers down the exposed skin.

To make matters worse, he had opted for a subtle but definitely there amount of eyeliner and the complimenting eyeshadow that made his gaze even more intense. While he was usually already arresting, there was no way you could look away from him tonight. You felt almost relieved that some dancing or one scandalous kiss was on both of your to-do-list for tonight, even though you were pretty sure at this point you both had done a far better job of convincing people you were together than either of you would have expected.

But you were worried that if you did not hold a tight grip on yourself and, despite your initial intentions, stayed sober, you would probably find yourself in bed with Hyunjin by the end of the night. You were past lying to yourself that you didn't want that. But precisely because of moments like falling asleep while cuddling after what should have only been him fingering you, because every time you looked at him you had to fight the urge to tangle your fingers in his soft hair and kiss him until his lips were beautifully plush just because of you, because of that you knew you had to keep your distance. You already knew that if you didn’t keep a tight grip on yourself and kept yourself in check you were more attached than you knew you should be. You could not afford to spiral down further that path and get hurt eventually.

“This will do just fine,” he ripped you out of your thoughts and you scrambled for a moment for what you had been talking about before you realized it was about your outfit.

“'This will do just fine'?” you echoed with a scoff. “Gee, thanks Hyunjin, you really know how to make a girl feel wanted.”

He just laughed, running his hand through his infuriatingly perfect hair and shrugged.

“You know exactly just how much I want you.” His words conveyed a lot more than simply what he had said, and you if you asked him to elaborate it would end in his hands up your skirt or worse, so you forced yourself to not go down that road. You couldn't guess whether he noticed your struggle or not, but the moment passed when he nodded towards your dresser.

“Do you have fishnets?” Your eyebrows drew together in confusion but you nodded in confirmation hesitantly. “Put them on for me?” And with that, he was out the door.

You did put the fishnets on in the end, even though they were uncomfortable in your shoes. It was worth the double-take Hyunjin did when you had joined him in the living room, ready to leave. You didn't need to check to know he could barely take his eyes off you, and it did indeed feel better and more empowering than any compliment could have made you feel. His hand was wrapped around your waist all the way from your dorm room across campus, keeping you close to his side.

“Hwang Hyunjin, you're staring,” you chided without any kind of malice, because quite frankly, if it was him he could stare all he wanted.

“You can't hold me accountable,” he defended himself, nuzzling his face in your hair in the process, ghosting his breath over your neck. The gesture was almost familiar by now, and you decided you could allow yourself to simply enjoy the feeling and not think about anything else it implicated for at least tonight. “You're testing my self-control even when you're slouching on the sofa with your ratty pyjamas, what do you expect me to do when you walk around in a skimpy shirt and freaking fishnets.” You swatted him on the arm, trying to hold back a laugh and feign exasperation instead.

“First of all, you asked me to put these on so this is hardly my fault. Secondly, my pyjamas are not ratty, you asshat!” He only chuckled and you knew that he enjoyed this banter just as much as you did, while there was little to no malicious intent behind it at this point. “Honestly though, they're not ratty. They're really comfortable, and I don't live in my own dorm to please you. If I weren't contractually obliged to kiss you your evening would be looking quite sad now.”

“Oh, really now?”

“Right, I forgot, you have a never ending offer of girls willing to fall to their knees for you and worship the ground you walk on.”

“Actually, what I meant was that there is one particular girl, I don't know, my girlfriend or something-”

“Fake girlfriend.”

“Anyways. Fake girlfriend, or something, who was screaming my name and begging me to make her come just a few nights ago and then snuck out of my bed thinking I was still asleep when she woke up dripping wet, only to continue pretending she doesn't have the same urge to kiss me stupid that I have around her.”

So he had noticed. You cringed a little, embarrassed that you had not been as subtle as you had thought when you had snuck back to your own room, even more embarrassed that he had apparently noticed what you were trying to do the last days. How was he so good at reading you?

“You're insufferable,” you stated instead, opting to ignore every single statement he had just uttered that utterly exposed you.

“Says you, with that attitude?”

“Let's just get this party over with and hope I don't drop-kick you halfway through.”

The party was, as it turned out, your typical campus party. You didn't really expect anything else and you were glad because this, at least, you were familiar with, even if you knew next to no one from the dance department. The last time you had gone to one of their parties, solely for Jisung’s sake, you had been there to talk to Hyunjin. You hadn’t talked to anyone else back then, and you still didn’t know any of Hyunjin’s friends other than Jisung until tonight.

He had introduced you to friends from his major right after supplying you with a drink that might as well get you shit-faced in the span of thirty minutes, and judging by how your last days around Hyunjin had played out when you were sober you didn't really trust yourself drunk, so you had politely been nipping at the same cup for the last hour. You would be lying to say you weren't having a good time.

Felix, a blonde guy with a mesmerizing constellation of freckles splayed on the bridge of his nose and his cheeks had welcomed you with open arms, teasing you only shortly about how you had convinced Hyunjin to go out with you, which you'd thwarted with a few awkward chuckles. The other guy, Minho, brown hair and cat eyes, had been a bit more reserved but turned out hilarious and you had quickly caught on to the mischievous glint in those pretty eyes as soon as he'd gotten more comfortable around you. They were both great company, keeping you from feeling bored or lost at a party where you knew virtually no one and tried your best to stay sober.

That plan had worked just fine up until the moment one of Hyunjin's seniors from his major had (very drunkenly) demanded a dance off to the ‘classics of the most important movie of all of history’, which meant you were left to yourself by Hyunjin, Felix and Minho in favour of them freestyling to High School Musical's ‘I Don't Dance’.

It was completely idiotic and it was hilarious. Not having cared much about Hyunjin before Jisung had played evil matchmaker you had never really paid the dance department and specifically your fake boyfriend much attention, but now that you witnessed them going all out while (at least some of them) were completely wasted and the crowd was alternating between whooping and bellowing the lyrics you had to admit that even that was utterly enthralling. Especially when it came to Hyunjin. It wasn't just because he was pretty. There was something about the way he moved that was so completely and wholly captivating you couldn't look away. Hyunjin had a gracefulness and ease to his movements that made watching him so very delectable that you silently vowed to come pick him up from practice early in the future, just so you could maybe sneak a peek at him dancing.

It was quite obvious that he wasn’t just captivating your full attention, because it seemed like every time he stepped onto the dancefloor, everyone’s focus was drawn to him like to a

magnet. You could hardly blame them. He was absolutely irresistible. He demanded attention in a way that made it impossible not to concede and focus on him, and him only.

“Oh god, he's so hot...“ the words came from a voice you didn't know and filtered through the music without a problem considering how unashamedly loud the girl had said them.

Granted, they wouldn't reach Hyunjin, who was undoubtedly her topic of conversation, and everyone else probably agreed if they heard.

A small smile grazed your lips. She was right, he was hot. If this was what all the girls that he was trying to curve were seeing at the half-annual performance of the dance department...well, no surprise they were going crazy over him. You hadn't even seen him dance when you had already started going crazy over him.

“I can't believe this random girl managed to land someone like him.”

Oh. Well, now things were getting interesting. You could easily see their point of view: you were basically that 'random girl' because you had not been following him on any social media platform prior to your relationship, and you had never been in contact with him except once a few years ago. These girls spent so much time devoted to Hyunjin's life, if you had been involved in any way they would have stumbled upon you eventually. But you had shown up seemingly out of the blue, making Hyunjin see heart eyes. It couldn't be further from the truth, but to them that's what it must have looked like, and it would obviously incite some jealousy.

“I can't believe she's his type. Did you see her Instagram? He's so… He's perfect.”

And she's really not. They didn't have to say it, you knew where that sentence was leading. So maybe you were not as talented or not as beautiful as Hyunjin, although who even was? Certainly not these girls, clearly thinking they were better than you. And just because your relationship with Hyunjin technically wasn't real didn't mean it couldn't have been, right?

Sure, you were only dating right now because he needed a ploy to seem unavailable and because Jisung had arranged it this way. And you had not even gotten along not only prior to the arrangement, but also through the first weeks of it. Were you even truly getting along now? You hadn't really thought about this until now.

You were attracted to each other, that much was certain, and there was a crazy amount of tension between the two of you. But that attraction had only boiled over into action when you had been close to killing each other, so had it really just stemmed from frustration? If you weren't driving each other up the walls, would you still want him as much you did now? Even worse, would he still find you as tempting as he currently did? Would he still pull you on his lap while you were watching TV, as if it was the most natural thing to do? Would he still press you against the kitchen counter, lips moving down your neck and his hands gripping your hips hard enough to leave bruises and hold you in place just to tease you?

With a dreadful feeling making itself known in the pit of your stomach you realized that you weren't sure. These girls might as well be right, and you didn't quite know what to do with that realization.

You had stuck to your resolution to stay sober until this moment, but now you were convinced two drinks over the course of the night really couldn't hurt, so you made your way towards the bar. Suddenly it wasn‘t quite as difficult to tear your eyes away from Hyunjin.

What you should have realized though was that someone walking away from him while he was dancing would actually draw attention, attention you hadn't drawn to yourself before, and the second you had your drink in hand and turned away from the bar you were faced with the same two girls who had watched Hyunjin dance and made those comments about you. Now they clearly recognized who you were.

“Hi?” you started tentatively, unsure what they were expecting of you, or why they had even followed you. You weren't sure whether they were laughing about you or whether they were giggling like that because they found you funny (either way it was definitely because they were very drunk) but they both grabbed your arms and dragged you over to the couches at the other end of the room. Technically they were trying to pull you down with them but they were half falling and you almost spilled your freshly acquired drink all over yourself.

“You have to tell us everything!” one of them immediately quipped up, completely disregarding your personal space. That would have been fine if you were drunk, but sober it was a bit disconcerting. Even more so considering they hadn't even asked your name but went for blood right away.

“Yes, every little detail please!”

Obviously, you knew what they were talking about, but you weren't ready to give them what they wanted quite so easily.

“What do you mean? Do we even know each other?”

They both giggled again as if you had said something hilarious and you took a generous sip from your cup. This right there was the reason why you preferred to get drunk with Jisung, Chan and Changbin alone. They started weird impromptu rap battles and when they were especially drunk they had once tried to scale down the walls of your dorm building to test who of them was 'the ultimate Spiderman', but it was preferable to this awkward conversation you found yourself forced into.

“Of course not, silly, but since we're all pretty much in love with Hyunjin, you know…”

“You just have to feed us some spicy details, you're right at the source!”

“Let me get this right, you want me to tell you...what exactly?” You decided to not even ponder on the way the other girl had casually said that you were 'all in love with Hyunjin'. Their love was vastly different from how his girlfriend would love him, and even more so from what you felt about him – something you had decided just earlier tonight you would not think about.

“Is he a good kisser?”

“How do his lips feel?”

“They look soooooo pretty, I bet he could make you quiver just with his kisses...”

“And the way he can move...”

“How did you convince him to go out with you?”

“Honestly though, I've tried everything short of just straight-up kissing him and he always declined.”

“Did you give him head? Because he didn't really seem interested when I offered that at a faculty party last year...”

Before you realized you had finished your entire drink and you felt sick, but you were positively sure it wasn't because of the alcohol. You had seen girls flock around Hyunjin on campus, and you had seen them all over his Instagram, but you had not yet heard them talk. You were suddenly glad he could not hear them talk like that right now so it couldn’t hurt him. Yes, these girls were drunk. But the fact that they thought it was okay to talk like this in front of his girlfriend, even in their drunk state, was downright despicable. You weren't his real girlfriend, but they did not know that.

Talking about Hyunjin was one thing, as was fawning over him. But the things they mentioned – offering him blowjobs, considering to just walking up to him and kissing him? That was far from okay, and it made you sick to your stomach.

You and Hyunjin didn't exactly have an established relationship either, but everything you did and had done had been completely consensual. There was just a whole universe of difference between him grinding himself onto you and getting himself hard when you had already established that you both wanted this, even though you shouldn't. It was a whole other thing if this happened with strangers.

The way they considered themselves in love with him, yet only appreciated how hot he was, when Hyunjin actually was so much more than a pretty face. Of course first impressions were important but what these girls were doing, completely objectifying him and thinking it was okay, oblivious to how upsetting this was for you… You jumped up with a start, rattling them out of their word-vomiting.

“I have to go get another drink,” you stated, and when you saw they were about to at least try and get up you held out your hand to stop them. “Alone,” you emphasized, ignoring the looks they were giving you. You couldn't, however, ignore their words, so you tried simply walking away with brisk steps, but it seemed that they were at least as upset as you were, although for vastly different reasons. You only wanted to find Hyunjin and hopefully get him to agree to leave, or at least get rid of these girls because they hopefully would have at least some decency around him. Spotting him sitting on a lounge chair surrounded by Felix, Minho and a couple other people you didn’t know you strode towards them with certain steps, only to be stopped by someone harshly pulling you back by your shoulder, forcing you to turn around.

“What's wrong with you? Do you think just because he’s your boyfriend that gives you the right to gatekeep him?”

You had to take a deep breath just so you wouldn't completely explode on them. You were well aware that if either of you raised your voice not only would you cause a scene, but Hyunjin would most likely hear, so you tried to keep yourself moderately calm considering the circumstances.

“Gatekeep my boyfriend? Come again?”

“Well that's what you're doing, or what would you call it?” Suddenly their words were way more stable than they had been moments before, drunkenness exchanged for venom, volume raised enough to make you cringe. Hyunjin would definitely be catching their words soon enough. “You think you're someone just because you're the one girl he allowed to sit on his dick.“

That was the final straw that made you lose all of your patience.

“He‚ allowed me to sit on his dick’? You want to know about his sex life? Fine. Listen well, honey, because this is probably more exciting than anything you could conjure up in your pathetic wet dreams about him. He’s the one begging me to let him touch me. He wants me so fucking bad he didn’t even care if he could get off or not! Hyunjinmakes me so fucking good you can’t even possibly imagine and I hope you choke on the knowledge that you will never, ever get to feel those things because I, a ‘pathetic’ girl, actually care enough to treat him better than to completely objectify him.”

When your word vomiting finally stopped you realized a few things. First, the way the two girls were looking at you was more than satisfying. They looked downright murderous, and if you didn’t have a decent amount of alcohol in you you might have worried about them actually being ready to rip your hair out. As it was you only felt accomplished. Someone had to tell them, and since Hyunjin wouldn’t it had to come down to you eventually.

The second thing you realized was that you had gotten quite loud and at some point people had noticed, the music had died down to silent background noise and everyone within proximity was listening. And lastly, which was probably the worst part, you had talked yourself in such a frenzy that you had said a few things you wished you hadn’t, especially not when you were sure Hyunjin had heard you say them too. You hadn’t lied, and you weren’t embarrassed to talk about how he made you feel physically because he knew damn well anyway, but whether he was comfortable having you expose something so intimate was another matter entirely.

You whipped around, looking back to where Hyunjin was quite literally lounging, your mouth drying at the sight. You had been worried he would mind your words, but you realized it was quite the opposite. Everything about his bearing indicated that he had liked them. He had one arm lazily draped over the armrest, black hair sticky from dancing and falling into his face, fixing you with the slightest hint of that smirk that was solely reserved for teasing you about something. And his eyes held your gaze with such intensity, it left no doubt as to what he was thinking. Looking back at the two girls who were still glaring at you sharply, you decided on a whim that you had agreed on public displays of affection tonight. There was no better time than right now.

With a huff, knowing very well their eyes were glued on you, you simply stacked your empty cup into one of theirs, not caring that the liquid was spilling over and running down her hand.

“Be a darling and hold this for me, won’t you?” you drawled with a sickeningly sweet smile on your face, satisfied to see that they were both utterly flabbergasted.

Turning your back to them again you took three big strides to reach Hyunjin, following the way was biting on his bottom lip.

“Stop manspreading.” You huffed with a teasing smile tugging at your lips, watching a similar expression grow on his face.

“Are you giving me commands now?” Stepping up to him you forced his legs closer together with your thighs, sinking your knees into the cushion on either side of his leg and leaning on the backrest with your arms, close enough that you could brush your lips against his ear.

“Hyunjin?” you basically purred his name, and you could feel the muscles in his thighs flex in response.

“Mmh?” He hummed, his hand automatically settling on the back of your thigh.

“I’m going to spit in your mouth and you have exactly one second to tell me not to.”

“Now why would I do that?”

“Thought so,” you chuckled, nipping his ear before lifting yourself up and catching his gaze, noting how hooded his eyes had become. Oh he was definitely enjoying this.

Slipping one hand into his hair you leant down, pressing your lips to his in a messy kiss. His tongue darted out immediately, licking over your lips and dipping into your open mouthed kiss, saliva and the taste of alcohol mixing. Tightening your grip you pulled him back by his hair, forcing him to look at you. His mouth was half opened in a groan, a thin string of saliva connecting his lips to yours and you leant up on your knees so you were angled looking down at him. Knowing without checking that you were being watched you let a trail of your own spit drip into his mouth. You meshed your lips together again in another aggressive, sloppy kiss before pulling away and closing his mouth with a slight tap of your finger against his chin.

“That was disgusting,” you heard Felix state in such a scandalized tone you almost laughed.

“That was a statement.” you argued with light shrug, grinning at Hyunjin’s completely dazed expression. Right now you had him completely wrapped around your finger.

“That right there is the reason I hate straight people.” Minho scoffed, and you could just about imagine the look he was giving the two of you.

“You are straight people-“ Hyunjin threw in unhelpfully, Minho cutting him off with an overly dramativ roll of his eyes.

“And I live with that burden every day.”

Even just that short sentence had been enough for Hyunjin’s voice to give away just how turned on he was right now, barely more than a husky groan. His hand that had settled on your thigh wrapped around your waist, lifting you up with him and almost causing you to stumble.

“I think it’s time we get out of here before you get flayed alive. At any rate, we’ve already given them enough of a show.”

You only managed a nod, your head swimming from the rollercoaster of feelings you had gone through within the last twenty or so minutes, switching from angry enough to hit someone to so flustered you could feel the heat in your cheeks. At least you had no doubt that to any bystander you had perfectly kept up the couple charade.

You let Hyunjin lead you through the room and out the front door, following his stride for a couple more meters until you were out of hearing range from any people straying from the party. The fresh air helped gathering some of your drunk thoughts, even if Hyunjin’s hand was still tightly grabbing onto your waist.

“So, I feel better than they could ever imagine, huh?” You were still pondering on the right words to say to him, but as usual he was way faster, not taking things quite as seriously.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed, guilt lacing through your words because you were worried that even if he didn’t mind you crawling all over his lap, you weren’t sure he was just fine with you talking about him like this. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m drunk, but that’s not an excuse.”

“You mean you never should have boosted my ego like that?” Ignoring how you should have just punched him for being an idiot you weren’t quite ready to joke around about it just yet. Despite how you had reacted in the height of your feelings the whole event had left you rattled after all.

“So you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad at you? That was fucking hot what pulled back there.” Your steps faltered and Hyunjin steadied you, arm wrapping around your waist tighter. While you had already realized earlier that in the moment, he clearly hadn’t been bothered by what you had said, you still felt the need to make sure he knew you didn’t intend to go around spilling details about his private life and you felt sorry it had happened.

“I did say some pretty private things in there, to the very people you hate invading your privacy. I would totally understand if you were.”

“I mean, of course I could live without them knowing whether or not you’re sitting on my dick, but you were actually trying to help and I appreciate that.”

His words made you realize with clarity for the first time that maybe you had been extremely unfair in your assessment. There was no denying that he enjoyed getting his ego stroked, but what these girls were doing was nowhere near anything he actually enjoyed. It was hurtful, and you had simply written him off as being overly dramatic and liking the attention up until now. When you had suggested he just choose any other girl back at that first party you thought he had declined because he was an entitled asshole who wanted to get what he couldn’t have. Now that you had experienced the situation first hand you could understand why he didn’t want to, and you had the suspicion than you had been very wrong about a lot of your opinions about Hyunjin.

“I hadn’t fully realized until tonight how hurtful your whole situation actually is for you,“ you quietly admitted, looking at the ground rather than at Hyunjin because it was shameful to admit that you hadn’t even realized this after spending over two weeks of constantly seeing him.

“What did you think-“ he paused for a moment before releasing a laugh that was somewhere between dry and bitter. “Oh god, you thought I was actually enjoying, what-? That there was a bunch of girls hoping I’d fall in love with them and I used that opportunity to get an easy fuck, not caring that they’d want more and I’d be hurting them?”

You were trying to stutter out a reply but grandiosely failing, not getting anywhere because what were you supposed to say? ‘Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking.’

“You totally did think that. Wow. Woooow. Really charming. Is that the vibe I’m giving off?“

He didn’t actually sound angry with you, just extremely bitter, so you didn’t think he was actually pissed rather than exasperated. Then again, counting how many times you had completely misjudged his character, maybe he was two seconds away from leaving you drunk in the cold.

You hadn’t thought it was possible to feel even more guilty, but alas. So it was even more horrifying to hear your next words leave your mouth, your drunk, stubborn self speaking before your guilt could even catch up.

“The first time we met you basically insinuated you think I’m desperate. And the moment you realized I’m not all that impressed by you, you immediately wanted to fuck. Are you really surprised that’s the vibe I got from you?“ It cost you all the self-restraint you had to not slap your hands over your mouth for your own stupid words. It was like something in you was desperately trying to antagonize Hyunjin at any chance, for no apparent reason. You were too caught up in regretting your words to fully realize that in the short silence spanning between you, Hyunjin didn’t look offended.

“I suppose I haven’t been all that pleasant around you.” He finally sighed, and you didn’t know what to do other than simply stare at him dumbfounded, because why was he apologizing to you?! “I’m sorry. And I actually mean it this time. I was drunk that night, which isn’t an excuse of course, and on top of that I haven’t had to flirt – or have even tried to flirt - with anyone in... let’s say a while. I guess my drunk, needy self isn’t all that charming.“

“Hyunjin…” you trailed off again, still falling short on what to say. It was you who should be trying to appease him, not the other way around. He really had to stop being basically perfect because at some point you wouldn’t be able to blame the fluttering in your stomach on being drunk. “I’m such an asshole,” you finally pressed out, knowing it weren’t quite the right words, but it was a start. “I just made up my mind about you without ever asking for your side of the story. I just assumed, since you don’t ever tell them off, you actually like the attention.“

“Obviously it does boost my ego to unhealthy planes, but I wouldn’t take advantage of anyone. If all they wanted was a to hook-up there’d technically be no problem with that, except I don’t feel comfortable with how they view me.

“Then why don’t you tell them? Why did it take me spilling too much private information, when you could just say ‘respect my privacy and leave me alone’ or, alternatively, ‘fuck off’?“

Hyunjin didn’t immediately reply, but you could tell he wanted to say something, trying to work up the nerve to do so.

“I did. Once.” There was a prolonged moment of silence but you didn’t push, for once sensible enough to realize that whatever he was about to say was something that was difficult for him, and the fact that he wanted to tell you was most likely more important than you realized.

“You know what happened? The girl started crying. I panicked because I hadn’t wanted to hurt her. So I kissed her, because I didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t have been all that heartbroken because we ended up having sex in the faculty’s toilets and I had never felt so used. So it’s not that I don’t want to tell them off, but rather that I can’t. I can’t tell them to fuck off, even nicely, because they will cry and I will know I hurt them. And then I want to take it back and comfort them and they will only proceed to make me feel like a fucking idiot. So instead I just try my best to ignore it.“

“Oh. Hyunjin…” You truly were at a loss of words, because what even would be the right words to say at a moment like this? Where you had judged him arrogant, aloof and uncaring, he was the exact opposite. Hyunjin cared too much, you realised, and he got the short end for it. He couldn’t even be harsh when he had every right to be just that. So instead, he just shut up, swallowed it and tried his best to ignore it. He had half joked about not having flirted in ages and you had thought that’s because he usually simply didn’t have to try, but you now realized your mistake. He hadn’t had any relationship, casual or not, in probably a long time because he would end up feeling used. He would end up not knowing whether it had been for his sake, or whether it had nothing to do with him as a person, what he said, how he acted.

It was clear to you now that he had not started flirting with you because he liked the chase, because he wanted you when he realized he couldn’t have you. It wasn’t that at all. Rather, he had realized that with you, he would have a chance to be seen for him, to be liked for him and not only because he looked irresistibly good. He wasn’t trying to get you in his bed only to proof that he could.

Hyunjin could probably see the way your heart was bleeding for him, because he did not give you the chance to voice any of your thoughts.

“I hate talking about this because I liked the way we were. Normal, you know. Not you looking at me as if I’m someone to be pitied. I like when you tell me to fuck off and I have no idea how to convince you otherwise.” The words pulled a snort from you despite how you felt from him, and you decided that you could do at least that for him.

“Please, as if you don’t get hard every time you beg to touch me,” you scoffed, the usual easiness of your banter not quite there yet, but you could see the way the tension in his shoulders eased, visibly relieved by your unspoken agreement. “But if I hear anyone utter another degrading word about you or us, I can’t promise you that it’s not on sight. And that has nothing to do with me pitying you. Fake relationship or not, they have no right to talk and I’ll make sure they know that.”

There was a short pause and you could clearly see Hyunjin was struggling with whether he should say what was on his mind or not, before he asked the question he clearly hadn’t been sure you would answer.

“Did they insult you, too?”

You did nothing to stop the dry chuckle at his words. The ‘too’ was a funny addition, because there were worlds between the way they spoke about him, and they spoke about you, even if neither was anywhere near okay.

You didn’t want to talk about it however, because the rational part of you knew their words weren’t true and should just ring empty. You also quite clearly remembered the line of thought their words had evoked, and that was something you would never discuss with Hyunjin.

“Nothing I can’t handle.” You answered curtly instead, hoping that he would simply drop the matter. Of course he did not.

“That doesn’t mean you should have to. I should have known this whole dating idea would backfire on you eventually. What did they say?”

“Don’t worry about it, really. Like I said, it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Please tell me what they said.”

You hesitated. His voice burned with an intensity that told you he wouldn’t accept your evasive answers even though you would have been fine with just swiping this incident under the rug and move on. The more he brought it up, the more he made you relive the words again and again in your mind, until the rational part of you became very silent, and you were half convinced they’d had a point. You weren’t anywhere near Hyunjin’s level, which was precisely the reason why your relationship only existed because it was fake. Under any other circumstances he would not have fallen head over heels for you, would he? If this whole charade didn’t exist, would he look at you twice?

You felt him squeeze your side gently, bringing you back to the current moment where not telling him would probably be as uncomfortable as telling him.

“They said they couldn’t understand how I had convinced you to date me,” you finally ground out, your voice staying silent in the hope that he simply wouldn’t hear what you were saying and would give up. “That I was too plain for you, and you’re way too perfect to be with someone like me.”

As soon as the words had left your mouth you regretted not going with the option of delivering him some excuse why you couldn’t tell him. It would have been better than saying the things they had thrown at your head, realizing that they rang true. It was clear as day that your relationship could not be anything other than fake because Hyunjin was near perfect in every aspect except maybe his ego, and you had very few positive aspects to pride yourself with. Shame washed over you, increased tenfold by how easily your emotions were manipulated when you had been drinking. And you had been fairly drunk even before you had downed a whole cup because of those two girls and their sharp tongue.

The silence that settled between you was extremely uncomfortable even though Hyunjin kept his hand lightly resting on your waist, and with every step you took without him saying anything you became increasingly sure that he, too, realized how true those words were. Finally, when you started trying to squirm out of his grasp, he broke the silence.

“You believe them, don’t you?”

It didn’t take a second for you to reply.

“Am I wrong to do so? Look at us, I don’t know how we manage to fool even one person. You’re, and I am by no means objectifying you when I say this, but it stands for a fact that you’re beautiful. I’m mediocre at best. You’re funny, you’re put together, you’re organized, you’re talented. The only thing I got going for me is that I can pick a lock in two seconds and talk Jisung into buying me Burger King at least once a week.”

You yelped so loud it echoed in the dead silence of the night when Hyunjin suddenly stopped, pulling you into him so you were pressed flush against his body. His fingers under your chin lifted your face up until you were forced to look at him.

“You really don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?” you asked, realizing how dumb you sounded. You really had no idea what he was getting at, and the mix of alcohol, the heat of his body and the intensity of his gaze really didn’t help with putting your thoughts together.

“How fucking breathtaking you are.” Your eyes followed the way his gaze dropped to your lips, unsure whether you actually wanted him to kiss you, and how you would react if he did. You didn’t have to decide, because his lips dropped to your cheek instead, then to your nose, then to your other cheek, words mumbled against your skin so silently you had to strain to understand them.

“You’re doing this whole relationship thing solely for my benefit. You’re putting up with my horrible flirting. You’re standing up for me even though you don’t have to.”

His lips had moved from your jaw to your lips, pecking them softly and giving you the chance to move away. And while you had been trying to avoid situations like this there was no way you could move away from him now, not when his hands were gently holding your cheeks and he was hovering to closely you could feel his breath on your lips, waiting for your response. You leant back in, resigning to the fact that you couldn’t resist Hyunjin. Not when he had kissed you like he wanted to drown in you earlier, and now held you so gently, telling you how amazing you were. Everything about him was addictive from his soft kisses to his words, somehow always saying just what you wanted to hear, reading you way too well even after such a short time. And even though he had poured his heart out to you a few moments ago and you had had the first real, honest moment with him that let you hope that maybe he at least considered you somewhat of a friend, even if he had kissed you with no other intention than to show you he meant his words, you knew the moment the mood shifted and his teeth nibbled on your bottom lip, turning your kisses increasingly less innocent. You didn’t care, not when he picked up on his earlier string of thought again, telling you how much he wanted you, except it wasn’t quite as heartfelt anymore.

“I can’t get enough of kissing you. How you let me have just enough to drive me crazy. I want you so bad, you have no idea. God, I can’t stop thinking about the way you feel.”

You had known where this was leading, where you had promised yourself you wouldn’t go because it was stupid and you would get your heart broken, but all you did was pull his face up to yours, fingers buried in his hair, and press your lips against his wet ones. The kiss was sloppy and desperate. There was nothing tender about it, just raw, unfiltered need, teeth nibbling on your bottom lip, his tongue pressing against your mouth until you opened up for him. You were sure you had never been kissed better than this, Hyunjin’s hands gripping your ass, pressing you against him. Saliva was coating your lips when you broke away, his pupils so dilated they looked black in the dark of the night.

“Are we going to talk about your spitting kink?” he teased when you sloppily wiped at your lips and you groaned, fixing him with an irritated look.

“I was drunk, and if anything you almost whimpered when I proposed the idea.”

“Mmmh,” he hummed, lazy smile tugging at his lips while his fingertips drew along the length of your skirt, brushing your thighs. “I love when you act as if you don’t desperately want me all over you.”

“You’re so god damn annoying,” you breathed, gasping when his fingers shortly dipped under your skirt. The next thing you knew you were both stumbling the last few meters towards your dorm building, his hands brushing from your back to your ass, yours gripping onto his arm as if you were worried you would fall if you had to walk by yourself. You weren’t quite sure you could have walked by yourself, the whole way back a fleeting mess of stumbling, laughing and kissing and nagging, your back pressed against the wall of the building, Hyunjin’s tongue tasting the alcohol and desire on yours.

You didn’t make it farther than the flight of stairs leading up to your dorm room, and you didn’t know whether you had stumbled or whether you had purposely pushed Hyunjin down, but either way you had landed on his lap, skirt riding dangerously high on your thighs. His elbows were leaning on the stair behind him, eyes raking over you. His hair tie had come loose at some point, or maybe you had pulled it out, causing strands of dark hair to fall into his face. With a wicked grin you moved your hips once, satisfied when he grunted in response, eyes snapping back up to yours.

“You know we’re technically still in public, right?” his tone had dropped, more of a rumble than anything else, and it sent heat straight between your legs.

“Maybe I want to get you into trouble.” Your words almost caught in your throat when he rolled his hips against yours, making sure the rough material of his jeans rubbed against your wet panties at just the right angle.

You bit your lower lip, watching the way his eyes fluttered shut when you matched his movement until you felt him get hard under you. When you were sure he was beyond coherent thoughts you leant down until your hair brushed his exposed collarbones, causing him to shiver under you. You let your lips ghost over his, moving to his jaw and dipping your tongue out before you reached the shell of his ear.

“Would you fuck my mouth if I asked nicely?”

Your voice was a needy purr, making sure he knew just how badly you wanted to suck him off. The string of profanities falling from his mouth told you he knew. You continued to trail your mouth over his skin, taking your sweet time until you reached his nipple, licking a wet stripe over the fabric of his shirt. They were hard under the silky material and you swirled your tongue again, satisfied with the reactions you drew from him.

“I want to fuck you so bad.”

The words were barely a fully formed sentence and you yelped – definitely too loud considering you were in the middle of the staircase, dorm rooms on either end – when his hands slipped up your thighs, fingers catching in the mesh of your fishnets. He didn’t bother, pulling until you heard a distinct rip that told you he had just fucking ripped your tights, too caught up in the moment to care. He lifted you higher, hard dick tightly pressed to your underwear, your skirt moved up so high it left nothing unexposed. How he even had the strength to stand up with you in his lap you had no idea, but you felt his thigh muscles flexing with the effort, your legs automatically wrapping around his waist.

Heat and wetness was pooling between your thighs so excessively, you were sure you would once again be leaving his jeans drenched.

He was carrying you up the last few stairs to your dorm, nails digging into your thighs, lips ghosting over your collarbones and up to your ear, sucking on your skin so hard you felt the tingling traces even when he continued his wet trail. He groaned into your skin at your slightest reactions, sending shivers down your spine and you felt yourself clench around nothing. God, you wanted him inside you so bad. The thought of him filling you up, fucking you against the staircase, the wall, wherever and however he wanted was so tempting.

Hyunjin opened and closed the front door behind him without letting go of you, his grip only loosening when you were safely inside your dorm. When you slipped down on unsteady legs, pressing your thighs together, you became only more aware of the wetness Hyunjin’s kisses had caused, the fabric of your underwear so drenched it was uncomfortable.

“Can I now get on my knees and suck you off?” It was supposed to come out sounding sassy, but all you achieved was to sound precisely as needy as you felt. You barely managed to wait for him to nod in a daze, cursing when you got down on your knees in front of him and the words slid over your skin like honey.

You moved your hands up his thighs, not daring to tease him for too long and unzipping his pants while trying not to fumble. He lifted his hips just enough from the wall for you to slide them down until his skin was in contact with the cold living room wall, causing him to hiss shortly. You didn’t give him time to think, instead moving the waistband of his underwear to free his dick, wetting your lips at the sight. He wasn’t ridiculously big or thick, but you knew that if you let him fuck your mouth you would probably choke a bit. It was intoxicating, the mix of alcohol in your system, him, beautiful in every aspect, against the wall. You were sure right there and then that you would stay on your knees for hours just to please him, although the moment your hand wrapped around his cock you knew he was allowing you to take the lead, willing to do what you wanted because it was you who wanted it.

"You’re so whipped for me,” you mused, a teasing smile on your lips and resonating in your voice, blinking up at him through your lashes. “Cute.”

“God you’re annoying. Get my dick in your mouth alrea- oh fuck.”

His words cut off when you lowered your lips to the tip of his cock, causing you to smile barely with how he was filling your mouth. You sucked down on him softly at first, testing how he fit into your mouth, satisfied that you could swallow more of him than you thought you could without straining yourself. Adding your hand to cover the rest that did not fit between your lips you started sucking at a lazy rhythm, working him up until his breath was laboured.

When you looked up from under your lashes and caught sight of him you came to the conclusion that this - that everything you did and endured for him was worth this moment. He looked ethereal, blissfully stunning and unbelievably beautiful. His arms were tense, veins straining. His head was tilted back, giving you a perfect view of the plains of his neck and smooth skin. His eyes were closed, stray strands of black hair sticking to his forehead and you tried to burn the imagine into your mind, paired with the sounds of his rough breathing and silent whimpering.

You sucked down on his length again, revelling in the sensation for a few more moments, watching Hyunjin’s reaction intently and memorizing every single detail. It was only when your lips left his length with a wet pop and you stilled, waiting and watching until he finally realized you were waiting for him that he dropped his gaze back to you. His eyes were hazy, pupils fully blown out and you pressed your thighs together at the sight.

“I thought you were going to fuck my mouth?” you drawled, knowing that the way you were letting some of your neediness for him slip through would drive him crazy. Proving you right, a groan fell over his lips again and he unclenched his hands, one of them coming to rest against your cheek. You leaned into his touch, his thumb running over your cheek, your jaw and coming to wipe over your lip, wet with saliva and precum. You opened your mouth slightly and he took the hint, slipping his thumb in and pressing down on your tongue lightly. You bit down before running your tongue along his digit and sucking harshly, keeping your eyes on him the whole time. His eyelids fluttered and you thought that you might have to remind him again that you wanted him back in your mouth, but he caught on after another laboured breath.

“Are you sure?”

You let go of his thumb with a pop, letting him drag the wet digit over your cheek again, your thoughts arranging themselves only slowly. Even though you had offered – you had asked for it – twice, he still was making sure you felt comfortable with it, and the gesture was so typically Hyunjin it made your heart flutter in your chest.

“I am. You can use me however you want,” you said as steadily as you managed, knowing he would want verbal confirmation.

His hand threaded from your cheek into your hair almost before you even finished the sentence, and you noticed his dick twitching at your words. You swallowed, letting him move your head down to his crotch again almost gently, as if he wasn’t sure whether to go through with this.

“Hyunjin, want you in my mouth,” you mewled to reaffirm him in your conviction, your breath hitting his wet length and you watched a shudder move through his body before he pushed you down so you were forced to take him in. You could tell he was only testing things out by the way he was carefully, softly, pushing your head down, not hitting the back of your throat or making you swallow his full length. You wanted him to fully let go, hollowing your cheeks and sucking and you felt the precise moment he lost all his inhibitions, his dick twitching in your mouth.

Tears sprang to your eyes when he pushed your head down until his length hit the back of your throat, forcing you to take in all of him. You tried to blink them away, focussing on the way he was guiding your head. You felt his thighs flex under your hands, muscles contracting. You wanted to watch him but you were fully focused on taking him in as much as he wanted you to without gagging.

“You’re doing so great-“ his words were barely strung together, falling over his lips with ragged breaths. “I want to fuck you so bad.”

You wanted him too, moaning around him again and only pushing him further towards the edge. He couldn’t keep up his steady rhythm for more than a few thrusts and you felt the change when his hips bucked up and he started erratically fucking himself in your mouth. It almost made you choke and you struggled to keep up, but the suppressed moans falling from his mouth were enough to make you want to take it all in.

“Fuck I’m- you don’t have to… swallow- oh god-“ Hyunjin’s words were barely coherent but you understood, digging your fingers into his skin, hoping he would understand. This was about him. You would do whatever he wanted. You weren’t sure whether he had actually understood what you meant or he simply didn’t have enough self-control to wait, but either way you felt his hips stutter and his cum fill your mouth a moment later.

You weren’t a fan of swallowing usually, but you also wouldn’t let just anyone fuck your mouth and despite all your barriers and precautions, despite the warning bells ringing in your mind, you knew you had already gone too far with Hyunjin for him to be just anyone. So you swallowed, letting the salty liquid run down your throat while he was weakly pushing himself into your mouth a few more times, dragging out his orgasm. His grip on your hair softened and he gently pulled you off, your cheek coming to rest on his thigh. His fingertips were caressing your scalp, soothing the spots he had gripped harshly just a moment ago and your gaze fluttered up to meet his.

Every time you thought he couldn’t look more beautiful you were proven wrong, your breath catching in your throat. In that moment there was something more unguarded and vulnerable about him than you had ever seen before. He was regarding you with utter gentleness, his other hand wiping at the corner of your mouth.

You lifted your head from Hyunjin’s thigh, letting him pull up his pants and sloppily close the top button just enough to keep them sitting on his hips.

They sat lower than normally now, the v-shape of his hipbones making you desperately want to lick up his stomach and maybe just have him in your mouth again already.

You took the hand he offered you, surprised when he pulled you close and signalled you to wrap your legs around him. You obliged without thinking much about it, feeling weak and frail after having him fuck himself into your mouth without holding back, but regretted it the moment your skirt slipped up and you realised you were pressed flush against him.

You flushed when Hyunjin stilled for a moment before a lazy smirk graced his face. “Want me to do something about that?”

“I want you to pretend you didn’t even notice,” you pouted, struggling hard to hold his gaze and not let your resolve crumble. You had noticed how wet you had gotten while sucking him off already, but now that your thighs and crotch were pressed against him you could feel how you were drenching him.

“That’s a bit hard when you’re soaking through my shirt, kitten.”

“God, I really hate you,” you supplied with a shake of your head. Your words were lacking malice, which you were sure he noticed. In truth, you wanted to let him kiss and bite his way down between your thighs so badly the thought alone almost made you whimper. But even though it wasn’t much, you still had enough self-preservation to know that if you made this decision while being drunk and needy it would only make your attachment to him worse.

Hyunjin let you hop down in front of your room and even though you had asked him to ignore it, in the light of the living room it was hard not to notice the wet spot you had left on his shirt.

The only reaction you could think of that wasn’t jumping him and having him take you up against the wall was to turn around on the spot, shoes still on, and rush into your room.

“Goodnight, Hyunjin!” you shouted through the closed door, realizing that you would have to sleep without brushing your teeth and your make-up on, but really, you had dug your own grave with that one.

#also minho

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#also minho