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You ever think about how Andrew believes he has to move mountains and achieve impossibilities to be worthy of basic respect and personhood, and this is a common theme in several of his skins.

Silent Boatman's "If I can just row this boat and enough people are sacrificed I can one day escape this awful placen" When no amount of sacrifice is ever going to be enough.

Space Mining's "If I can just make my big break in this movie I'll be able to star in others, instead of being doomed to obscurity in a society which puts appearances over actions." (Kind of a stretch as this is personal interpretation of Andrew in COA/Metropolis but I'm counting it anyway)

Half-elf Knight's "If I can restore the world tree then I can overcome the circumstances of my birth and be accepted by both humans and elves." Nether Pact as an extension of this, "If I can make myself useful I can attone for the wrong I have done to Zinaida and uphold justice."

Withered Leaf's "If I can find the last remaining plant seeds in the entire world and grow something in this barren earth, I can finally be allowed to die." Only for him to discard his hopes at the last moment, even after achieving his goal.

#amby rambles #idv talk #character interpretation #I love analyzing skiiiiiiiins I love what slices of characterization they put into each #And why the pieces fit together the way that they do #Andrew kreiss #Sorry I do nothing but talk about this guy I'm pretty drained of thoughts lately

Happy pride! I sewed myself a genderqueer patch for my jacket.

#DIY #pride month #my sewing #progress photos #amby rambles #genderqueer

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANDREW LORE CRUMBS FROM CLEO????????

#amby rambles #idv talk #what are they Doing why does he suddenly know a French Mime #The fact he's only shown in her fantasy world and in his adult outfit is making me go ??????????? was he there at all?#But oh my god boy you've had a weird thing with performers ever since the age of Tiny

I think Epitaph Andrew would eventually end up following in the same footsteps Pastor did tbh, possibly with an even worse mental break.

ONCE outfits tend to be bittersweet in a lot of ways, having one problem fixed while ultimately also going no, this does not fix their fatal flaw, just doesn't set them on a path which leads them towards a murder manor. Epitaph only has the immediate problem taken care of. His grave is spoken for when he dies, and that alleviates the need of needing to do backbreaking work and body snatching to 'earn' his place in heaven (Which also allows him into the community he's ostracized from).

Pastor is much the same. They've got everything core Andrew could ask for. A leadership position and influence in their community, no need to do any hard labor, none of the same scars he bears. It's theoretically everything Andrew wanted, and everything Epitaph achieved in being accepted into the Laz, but it still wasn't enough. Pastor still killed their uncle out of a spiteful rage, and killed Zinaida too out of paranoia and fear of exposure. Epitaph won't be able to escape their past self, or even their Current Self, no matter how much they try to distance from it.

It was never about entering heaven, or even about earning acceptance (though those things are Heavily ingrained in Andrew's mind as one and the same). Andrew's ultimate goal is becoming something which *isn't* him, larger than himself so he can forge a new identity. Become someone who is 'real' and 'human'.

Which he's never, ever, going to be able to achieve.

#amby rambles #Character analysis #Andrew posting #Anyway I think Andrew should kill epitaph still #It won't fix anything and in fact ☝️ will cause new problems #But they're fun problems

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Fandom: Identity V Rating: Explicit (18+) CWs: Sexual content, Alcohol, Referenced character death, Minor violence. Relationships: Antonio | Violinist/Andrew Kreiss | Grave Keeper Characters: Antonio | Violinist (Identity V), Andrew Kreiss | Grave Keeper Word Count: 8.5k Summary:

If Antonio could, he'd yank the vines from his hollow ribs, just to feel something writhing in his hands. He's not sure how much of the gravekeeper would remain if he did. ••• Hunter Andrew and survivor Antonio.

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A/N: AU Monsterfucker Smut Be Upon Thee. I vowed back in January I would start getting Weirder with my art and writing, and now I make good on my vow.

Read it Here.

#amby rambles #my writing #ao3 #writing #fanfic #antodrew #antonio paganini #andrew kreiss #idv #identity v #antonidrew #i have too many thoughts all the time so this took ages #started writing back in january #if i missed any warnings let me know. just know that i start having fun with the biology.#read those tags baybeeeeeee

I have GOT to get more insane about using writing and drawing as an OUTLET, my favorite pairing tags haven't updated with anything substantial in MONTHS. Ten million WIPS and the inability to finish anything is a curse, but I've gotta burrow through that shit like carving a tunnel through a mountain.

#Amby rambles #If I speak enough about finishing my wips it'll eventually happen right. Right. Rogh #Every time I open up the gan/drew tag on ao3 and see my own work is still the most recent one posted I shrivel a Lil more #NEXT UP is hunterswap Andrew fic though. Probably. Unless I get mega inspired for something else

Those positivity posts about writing that fic you want to read are good in spirit, and probably helpful motivation for a lot of people, but I genuinely cannot read my own writing once it's put to page. It Is The Act Of Creation I Crave.

I don't write to read the story I want to read, I write to agonize over the process, think about every branching possibility, and rotate the characters in my brain for hours. Once it is excized from my brain, I throw that shit fastball style into the void in the hopes someone else may find enjoyment out of it.