This is a really difficult one to answer, but I think I'm going to go with "soft" chips. I love a good, crispy French fry, too, but we inherited the British way of making fish and chips from them, and there is nothing better than what we call "slap chips" doused in salt and vinegar and maybe some good tomato sauce on the side. But, honestly, I haven't met a potato I didn't like.
21) A number that weirds you out?
I honestly don't have one. Unless it's in a mathematical equation, then it terrifies me instinctively.
28) Last meal on earth?
I love food far too much to answer this question. Every iteration of it feels like I'm betraying another form of food I really love. There would probably be slap chips involved. Definitely many baked things. Or maybe I'd want to eat all the things I never got to eat, since it's my last day on earth... Hmmm...
Honestly, my very first thought was to turn this into an "East of the Sun, West of the Moon" retelling. But. I'm always looking for ways to bring my fave fairytale of all time into things.
If I still go skating the line between mimicry and plagerism...
A sort-of Ladyhawke AU where one is cursed to be an animal by day, and the other is cursed to be an animal by night. Rachel and Cassie made friends, and Rachel found out about Cassie's curse and casually mentioned her cousin had a similar thing happen and it would save them both a lot of rent if they shared one apartment. One works days, one works nights. They'd only ever see each other as animals, if at all. It would be like they lived alone.
This works fine until they start getting curious about one another and communicating via Post-Its. At first it's just like "I made extra pasta please help yourself" or "used the last black bag but will get more today sorry" and then things... Progress.
Cassie got cursed doing something noble (possibly for Aftran, who is hated in this verse for... Whatever reason). Jake got cursed by accidentally pissing off the Crayak of this AU.
Yes, they will eventually break the curse and get to meet as humans for the first time and live happily ever after, thanks for asking.
Going back to your first fandom is like slipping into a hot bath on a cold day. It hurts for the first second, and then it just feels like a warm hug. Except, in this case, I also cried inside a little bit because these kids are so broken. Thanks for the prompt, Martin. Post-war Cake below the cut. As with all the others: there was a timer. Sorry if it seems rushed as a result.
There was very little reason for Jake to lock the doors to his house. For starters, there really wasn’t much inside worth stealing. And even those few things could be replaced in an hour or so, anyway. If they were fans that broke in, looking for memorabilia, all they could take were things he wouldn’t miss; it wasn’t like he had any family photos or other sentimental or precious items lying around his home. If people who hated him broke in…
Again: he could replace what was vandalised without having to think about it. Paint over whatever graffiti had been left for him. Defend himself, if need be. Not to hurt, if he could help it. And never to kill. He knew he couldn’t make the call whether they deserved it or not so he just… erred on the side of caution. As though that would make up for anything. As though there wasn’t a part of him that itched to retaliate. To join the army. To start his own. To just go back to a life where the things that kept him from sleeping weren’t the same rattling chains of ghosts on repeat.
Jake was also very good at finding reasons not to be at home, a habit he’d picked up at thirteen and hadn’t shaken despite his house being, arguably, now the safest place for him. It was certainly the quietest. Still, he automatically sought distractions and reasons not to return to the sparse furniture he’d picked out at random, which meant he arrived at his front door at close to midnight, almost tired enough to fall into a sleep that would be dreamless for at least an hour or two. The doorknob turned easily in his hand, and there was nothing about the streetlight-lit entrance hall that looked out of place.
But… There was something just a little bit off. Something just a little too quiet for a warm summer night. Sighing internally, Jake dropped his keys and closed the front door behind him, not bothering to be quiet because he hadn’t been when opening the front door, so if there was somebody inside, he’d already been heard. He padded towards the open-plan kitchen and thought of his second-skin, letting the orange and black fur curl around him. Practise had made him almost able to get the fangs and the eyes without much else, but it was nowhere near perfect. Perhaps because he wasn’t really trying for perfection, just good-enough. Or perhaps he was just simply not as good as –
Cassie.
There was an owl perched on the curtain rail in his living room, but all the windows were still closed. It regarded him. He regarded it. For a long, long moment, the world slipped by like water. And then Jake demorphed completely, went to his fridge, and made a meal that had more vegetables in it than there would have been if there wasn’t an owl on his curtain rail watching him. He didn’t have a table, so he ate as he usually did – standing over the sink, half washing dishes between bites. He dressed into clean pyjamas and laid out a pair of sweats and a jumper, and then got into bed and watched the world outside the curtains he’d purposefully not closed. All the sleepiness seemed to have been sucked back into his muscles, leaving him tense and wired.
But the night continued to pass around him and, eventually, physical overcame mental and he started to drift. He let the sounds of soft footsteps and soft rustling bleed into the night noises that started up presumably once the predator had stopped looming so close. The body entering the bed beside him, warm and soft, was just a wave on the ocean. He knew this didn’t mean anything. Especially not in the way the rest of the world would try to make it real with the concepts they could understand but that didn’t fit into their pockets.
As they always had, Jake and Cassie lay with a layer of blanket between their bodies. She started out with her back facing his, and then she rolled over, suddenly, and flung her arms around him, pulling him close. And he thought about hands entwining on bus rides. And he thought about how her left hand curling around his head could have had a ring on it. And he thought about how, just yesterday, he’d admitted that he would give anything to have one more battle to fight. Simply because he was good at fighting.
In the morning, he knew from experience, they would make breakfast and avoid eye contact, saying nothing, like two Barbie dolls controlled by hands forcing them to play out a scene while they remained mute and plastic. It wasn’t about companionship; it was simply because the loneliness got too vast to be able to breathe in, sometimes. Jake loved her too much to let himself love her, and he was proud that she held him but didn’t try to hold him together.
“Mom and Dad are retiring,” she said into his back. She told him why, but did not tell him how she felt about it. And he stayed silent, because she wasn’t asking for his input. It just had to be said out loud to be real. He understood that, even if he couldn’t articulate it.
When she was done, he told her about the new recruits. About Marco’s new up-and-coming movie, the plot of which he’d already forgotten. A real owl hooted somewhere close, and the night continued around them. And he felt more solid, because one person knew the latest bits of his story; saw his latest footprints and that made him real.
“Goodnight,” she said, when he was done.
“Night.”
But neither of them slept, because they didn’t want to wake the other with nightmares.
m-to-the-6th-power replied to your post “I am such a ho for surveys, @crown-of-the-circus-king. Thank you for...”
If you like plot horror, you might like Cabin in the Woods. Konner loves it and it's super good. Also VVitch.
Cabin in the Woods is really, really good. I love it. I haven’t ever even heard of VVitch, but I just Googled it and the summary has me going um yes?!?!?! so I’ll very definitely try watching it soon. (Even if it wasn’t a horror, it had me at ‘twins’.)
Prompt: For konner (via @m-to-the-6th-power): Jake eating an entire blueberry pie as a kid and getting violently sick. Scene from book 25 chapter 3.
He's been my best friend forever. I was with him when he was nine and ate an entire pie on a bet and ended up blowing blueberries for an hour. – Marco about Jake in Book 25.
The community fundraiser fete had sounded like a good adventure at the time. And, to be fair, Marco and Jake had had a blast for the first hour or so. But then they realised that their allowances stretched only so far, that there were only fourteen tables, that there were no rides, and that the only other kids there were too old to want them tagging along or too young to be anything but annoying.
By the time they’d been at the fete for nearly four hours, the two of them were sprawled half under an abandoned stall table to get out of the sun, bored out of their minds to the point of being half asleep in the unbearable heat.
“Can’t we just walk back to your place and play Sega?” Marco asked from where he was spread-eagled on the ground, hair in the dust.
“Mom says no,” Jake answered with the dull air of somebody who had spent a fair amount of time trying to argue his case with his mother. “She said we can’t go all that way by ourselves.”
“Let me guess. Her next suggestion was to ask Tom to join in his game.”
Both of them glanced over to where Tom and the other bigger kids were playing a furious game of basketball with makeshift hoops. Even the worst on the team – those that got ragged endlessly by the rest – were miles better than Marco, who insisted every day he was just about to hit his growth spurt, and Jake, who had hit his and had no idea what to do with his awkward, suddenly-too-large limbs.
Jake subconsciously hunched further into himself, his face a mixture of wariness and hungry envy. Marco swatted away a persistent fly, wishing he could squash the annoying insect between his fingers. “So,” he said, lazily, “if we just lie here and die of boredom… how long do you think it will take them to notice we’re dead?”
Jake raked the sweaty hair off of his face and shrugged. “Another few hours, I guess? Mom usually stays right until the very end of these things.” He paused and then wondered, “How fast do you think we’d decompose in this heat?”
“Like, would we already be oozing patches of jelly instead of solid skin?” Marco asked, brightening up a little bit. “Do you think we’d still have our eyeballs, or would they have exploded because they got too hot?”
Jake pulled a face but also laughed at the image that conjured, and him and Marco continued to gross each other out as they spoke about their bodies’ possible decomposition if they were to simply keel over and die under the table.
“Although,” Jake added when he could stop laughing, “Mrs Pearson’s last pie is still on top of this table. She didn’t sell it, I guess.”
“Dude. This pie has been forgotten. Abandoned. Descolate.”
“Des-what?”
“It’s been left alone by itself forever,” Marco said, waving his hand airily. “They don’t even know this pie exists any more. They won’t ever come for it. Just like they won’t come for us.” There was a beat of silence, and then Marco suddenly sat up on his elbows, a wicked grin on his face. “Nobody would know if we ate this pie,” he said, suddenly.
“That’s like stealing,” Jake said with a frown. “You can’t just eat her pie. Besides; you hate blueberry, and you said you’re still stuffed from all the corn dogs.”
“It’s not stealing if it’s basically been thrown out into the trash,” Marco argued back. “Look at it! It’s left in the sun. Mrs Pearson isn’t going to want it back. If she remembered it was here, she would have packed it up when she packed up the rest of the table. This is a free-for-all.”
“You don’t like blueberry,” Jake stressed, still looking unhappy at the notion of eating the pie.
“No, but you do.” Marco’s eyes gleamed. “Bet you you can eat that entire pie by yourself.”
“What?” Jake looked at him incredulously. “No way, man.”
“Come on. It’ll be cool to see. I’ve never seen anybody spewing blue before.” Marco was suddenly animated.
“That doesn’t sound like it would be cool at all. I’m not eating an entire blueberry pie, Marco. That’s just dumb.”
He might have been able to stand his ground, had some of the older kids who had been kicked out of the basketball game not overheard the two of them arguing. But they did hear, and they got involved, and just when Jake was starting to waver under their pressure Marco stepped in to defend him and they started heckling Marco. That was the last little push over the edge that Jake needed, and less than half an hour after Marco’s brain had spawned the brilliant idea there was a gaggle of boys surrounding Jake and the blueberry pie, a pile of money from bets placed for all to see on the table beside the wary looking kid and the massive, sun-spoiled pie.
“Come on, Berenson. We don’t got all day, man. Or should we call Tom?”
Jake made a little face and then, because there was no cutlery, stuck one hand directly into the pie. The squelching noises made some of the boys rear back in disgust, but Jake steadfastly scooped a piece of messy pie and put it into his mouth. Those who bet for him finishing started up a little cheer.
By halfway through the pie, Jake was very obviously struggling. By three quarters of the way done, the sight of the oozing, purple filling rolling everywhere was making Marco feel ill. He glanced at Jake and found him looking rather green under the smear of blueberries all over his face. “Come on, Big Jake,” he urged. “Just like in Matilda. Finish that sucker. Come on, Jake. Don’t let me down now, man. Just… five more bites.”
The last two scoops were an obvious struggle, and everybody was silent, eyes wide as they waited for him to collapse or explode or both. “There’s still a bit left,” one of the guys argued into the silence.
Some tried to argue back, but Jake just dutifully reached for the indicated smudge of filling and shoved it painfully into his mouth. Cheers erupted; even some of those who had lost the bet looked a little impressed.
“That was… heroic,” Marco told him, thumbing through the money they’d made while Jake lay on the ground with his eyes squeezed closed.
“I feel sick,” Jake moaned.
“Just keep your eyes closed,” Marco advised. “It’s just ‘cause you just ate it. It’ll go away.”
“Hey.” Marco glanced up with a jump at the sharp tone. Tom’s face wasn’t very friendly as he stalked toward them. “What’s this about you two hustling Kevin Halfiner out of five bucks?”
Marco widened his eyes innocently. “We didn’t! We didn’t do nothing that wasn’t fair.”
“Midget, what did you do? Why’s he going on about me owing him five bucks ‘cause you took it from him?” Jake didn’t answer from where he was curled up on the ground, screwing his eyes shut tightly, and Tom scowled and reached down to grab him into a noogie. “Hey, hardhead, I’m asking you something.”
“Tom,” Marco tried to warn, but it was too late.
In Jake’s defence, his vomiting was a top-notch performance; in his head, Marco gave the whole display an eight. He even managed to just miss Tom’s shoes, even though the lovely arch hit just about everything else within its path. Tom backed away from his little brother extra fast, and because he’d been the only thing holding Jake upright, Jake sank straight to the floor with a little moan that turned into him spewing yet another impressive arc of regurgitated blueberries.
“There was a bet going on that he couldn’t eat a whole blueberry pie,” Marco explained to the disgusted-looking Tom. “Kevin paid his money and then lost the bet.”
“He ate an entire pie?” Marco nodded brightly while Jake moaned. Tom gave Jake a troubled look. “Maybe I should tell Mom…”
“No,” gasped Jake and yelled Marco in unison.
Tom still looked doubtful, but he went off to go and get Jake water while the youngest Berenson literally crawled under the table, looking miserable. The water didn’t help much; in fact, it only seemed to make matters worse. When the nausea turned into full on stomach-cramps, Tom ignored Marco’s pleas and went to find his mother, actual worry etched onto his face.
Jean took one look at her youngest son and stated that they were all going home. Tom muttered, as she whirled around picking things up furiously, that Marco better hide his bet money before his mom found out about it. Marco wisely followed his advice, and trailed after the Berensons as Tom carried Jake to the car.
Jean half-berated and half-fretted the whole way home, while Marco helpfully held open a trash bag in front of Jake’s mouth. Tom hung his face out the window the whole way, and Marco envied him immensely. But Jake was his best friend; friendship was made for moments like this. Besides, he hadn’t been completely innocent in the whole affair.
“Next time you pull the ‘I’m older and more responsible’ card on me about copying homework and stuff,” Marco said a little later, lounging on Jake’s bed while Jake half hung off the side, still retching every so often in abject misery, “I will bring up this moment. I don’t think I can ever take you seriously again. You were like… Ghostbusters level of spraying that goo, man. It was impressive.”
Jake feebly tossed a pillow his way, and Marco laughed. “Wish I caught all that on video,” Marco sighed wistfully.
“Kick your butt,” Jake groaned feebly.
Marco patted him condescendingly on the head. “Sure you will, bro. You’re so big and scary.”
Jake forgave him the next day when Marco split the profits 50/50 with him and they could both afford almost three whole afternoons in the game arcade.
@m-to-the-6th-power requested Cake + “I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume on a dare.”
Apparently I have been away from this business so long I can’t remember how to stick to a prompt. (The word count thing was never going to be adhered to, let’s be honest now.)
“Trick-or-treating is a nice, normal thing for nice, normal kids to do on Halloween,” Marco said, shouldering some kid in a cardboard-box-creation so that they didn’t collide chest-on. “And, besides, this way we can be totally undercover to spy on known… you knows. Without any pesky two-hour… er… curfew.”
“I’d take back that spy book you bought if that’s the best code-speaking you managed to get out of it,” Jake muttered sullenly beside him, rolling his eyes as they picked their way through the throng of costumed, shrieking children.
He had been against the whole business from the start; their time could be better spent being on proper patrol for any Yeerk activity in the crowded streets at a time when Hork-Bajir and the like barely needed any sort of disguise. Holidays were always dangerous times when it came to silent, organised criminal activities, Jake knew. Especially holidays that had a lot of scary things running around in the dark. Or, if that was being too ambitious, then at least taking the night off to catch up on some sleep. Hell knew they all needed it; Jake hadn’t had to add much charcoal underneath his eyes to give him the dead, haunted look the pictures in the comic book he’d used for reference had.
Of course, despite everybody always going on about how he was the leader, Jake had very little say in most decisions. Despite his firm logic, and the fact that he was sure his desperate plea to finally be able to crawl onto his bed and just sleep for a solid amount of time for once was cracking through his voice like the warning sign of oncoming tears, the Animorphs – Tobias and Ax included – were all out on the streets that evening, costumed and hunting not for alien invaders but candy.
Just because he’d dressed up at the very, very last minute and had come out did not mean he was happy about it. He saw Marco giving him some careful sideways looks, but didn’t bother hiding the scowl from his face. Marco didn’t reply verbally or through body-language but instead took the lead at the next house they knocked at, inferring that Jake’s dark mood was all part of playing the part of his costume. Just after the couple closed their door again, Jake felt a bit of his mulishness begin to fade. He sighed, went to rub his face, got stopped by Marco’s hand.
“You’ll ruin the look, dude.” Marco patted him on the shoulder, the touch saying sorry and you’re forgiven and this is good for you in equal measure. “Okay, so strategise with me. Do we hit up the – Wha-? Holy Cassie, Batman.”
Jake stopped walking as soon as he saw what had rendered Marco a little speechless, blinking to make sure his tired eyes weren’t misinterpreting what he was seeing. A few paces in front of him was a very good store-rented Batman costume with some extra home-gathered accessories for added authenticity. The mask was off and clutched in one hand. A hand belonging to Cassie.
“Hey, guys,” she called to them, trying – and failing – to look like she wasn’t blushing.
Marco fell to his knees dramatically, holding out his arms to Cassie like she was some kind of deity. “I don’t even know what to say. I knew you were special. I knew there was something about you that was just angelic. I said to myself, ‘Marco, this Cassie girl –’”
“I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume on a dare,” Cassie interrupted, her eyes on Jake. “I… I didn’t have anything… and none of the costumes for girls in the shop…” She was turning more and more embarrassed, twisting the Batman mask in her hands almost miserably. “And then Rachel… she dared me to and it’s pretty comfortable and the mask helps and I also just thought it was really funny and all and…”
“Funny?” Marco said, smoothly interrupting her nervous, rattling tirade. “Why would you being Batman be funny?”
“Cassie as a bat,” Jake said, and there was a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Cassie as a bat that saves the world. I get it.”
Her lips took longer to twitch into a smile, but the look was no more genuine. Marco looked between the two of them and made a slight noise before rolling his eyes and getting to his feet. “Wow. You know things are bad when somebody has the same humour as Jake. This is just sad. Let’s go find Xena so she can smack some sense into the situation.” He took another look at Cassie’s Batman costume and shook his head, muttering something under his breath.
“And you’re supposed to be… a… zombie?” Cassie asked as she fell in beside Jake, the two of them weaving along after Marco in search of their friends.
“A walking, talking dead man,” Jake said without thinking. She gave him a sharp, reproachful look and remorse flooded through him enough to make his gaze drop. “It seemed… more fitting when I was annoyed about having to come out.”
Cassie nudged against him very gently, like a wolf nuzzling a member of its pack. “Tonight is needed too, Jake,” she said, quiet enough that her voice nearly got swallowed in the noise. “Don’t forget about this side of life, too.”
He didn’t reply, but when the throngs got wilder he reached to grab her hand under the pretence of making sure they didn’t get separated. She wove her gloved fingers through his and neither of them looked at each other, feeling as though there was electricity forming where they were tethered to each other, even through the fabric of her gloves. She let go once they reached Rachel, Tobias and Ax and Jake tried to stop swallowing so obviously; tried to hide the disappointment curling in his gut that he’d made a mistake about it – about them – that he’d thought something he shouldn’t, and despite what had happened on the Iskoort homeworld they were not what he’d hoped they would be.
They began walking again to some place further from the crowds so a candy-manic Ax wouldn’t cause too much public scrutiny. And as they took the first few steps the feeling of a bare palm against his made Jake jump a little. Cassie had removed her glove. Jake couldn’t help but grin – full-faced and giddy – as they moved off, the electricity sparking and warm and the night suddenly looking a whole lot brighter and a whole lot less like a waste of time.
“Marco’s good at getting people to give extra candy,” he blurted, suddenly. “I’ll, uh, probably need some… help… eating it all. If you’d… like to… meet to… do that.”
He risked a glance at Cassie. There was a smile on her face that made her dimples show. “Um… sure. Yes. Thank you. That would be…”
She didn’t finish the sentence, but didn’t need to. They didn’t let go of each other’s hands once the whole night.
character i’d like to see in a flower crown - Cassie and/or Ax.
character i’d like to see have an emotional breakdown - none of them because holy moly they have enough okay let my smol children be happy for once.
character i’d like to see get punched in the face - Tobias’ aunt and uncle. Jake, if it’s Tobias doing the punching. Because both of them having it out with fists would have made a small yet strong difference in that last book, I feel.
character most likely to sing along to journey songs in the car - Jake. He’d teach them to Ax, who would love singing along. And I feel like if he did it, Cassie would join in. Quietly.
character who refuses to pull over and ask for directions on roadtrips - Marco.
character who always stubs their toes on the washing machine - Rachel. She’s beauty and she’s grace, but she still manages to get her long legs in the way of inferior appliances too often.
character who changes their starbucks order ten times - Ax. He wants to try everything, the darling.
character who shows up late for everything - Tossup between Marco and Rachel. Neither plan to, but it just happens that way with them.
character who is the worst kisser - Ax or Marco, since they’re the least experienced? Not that I think Jake is going to be winning any awards or anything. I’m pretty sure Rachel and Tobias taught each other to be good, but I’ve always imagined Cassie and Jake sort of just learned how to kiss for each other and that everybody else would still find their style slightly weird.
character who takes 45 minutes showers - Jake. A quiet space with rushing water to make him clean and lots of steam and time to think and drown out all other sound? Yep. Definitely.
character who gets most bent out of shape over the pronunciation of gif - Marco.
Also SERIOUSLY I NEED US TO HAVE A NO NAKED/HALF NAKED RULE IN OUR HOME…. Or maybe, upon further thought…. Never mind. For Cassie/Jake? I don't care who's making the rule, although preference for Jake making it for whatever reason
The plan – the well-thought-out, sensible,agreed-upon plan – had been thatafter their second year in college, Marco and Jake would move out of theirshared dorm room and into their own apartment. The list they’d made confirmedthe fact that the move had many more pros than cons (even though Marco’s ideasof what constituted as a genuine pro or con were sometimes… questionable) andthey started looking for a nice place as early as possible to avoid thelast-minute scramble.
They didn’t get the nice, central, reasonably-pricedapartment they agreed on. Instead, without warning or any say in the matter at all, Jake found his things being movedinto a nice, central, reasonably-priced four-bedroom house. He’d known hiscousin Rachel and her childhood best friend were also trying to do the samesort of move he and Marco were, but how that similarity had ended up in thefour of them sharing a house Jake would never know. Especially since Rachel andMarco had pretty much had a love-hate relationship from the time they couldtalk, which was the time Marco and Jake had established the best friend pactthat would mean Rachel and Marco would sometimes be forced to spend timetogether. Why they thought livingtogether was a good idea was absolutely mind-befuddling to Jake.
“They’re already fighting,” Rachel’s best friendtold him mournfully when he arrived with the last of his stuff. “How did thiseven happen?”
She looked to him like she genuinely wanted ananswer, but all Jake could do was shrug helplessly. “I was under the impressionthis was a two-man digs. Until about two hours ago when I showed up here andwas told otherwise.”
Cassie winced in sympathy. “Okay, I at least was asked about this.” She bit her lip in away Jake could remember from all the years of Rachel’s birthday parties andbring-your-bff-to-the-family-get-togethers-so-as-not-to-die-of-boredome andschool events and such that the four of them had just ended up hanging outtogether at because things workedthat way. (Actually, come to think of it, he and Rachel did tend to gravitatetoward each other eventually – perhaps it wasn’t so strange they’d end up sharinga house.) “Are you okay with this? I mean, we could always find a fourthperson. I don’t want you to be forced intoliving in…”
“The madhouse?” Jake finished, a grin twitching onhis lips and something warm that he’d always associated with Cassie reawakeningin his gut from its two-yearcollege-keeps-me-from-having-times-to-see-my-cousin’s-best-friend slumber. Oh, shit.
“I was going to say zoo. But I decided that would be an insult to my parents and thewildlife I grew up around,” she laughed. “You’re sure, though? Jake… We don’t want to pressure you.”
He shrugged again, scuffing the stand of his lampagainst the carpet so he wouldn’t have to look her in the eyes. She’d alwaysmade him unsure of what to say; like there was supposed to be some book ofwords that suddenly opened up before him that got lost somewhere and he couldn’tpossibly go on without it because it felt wrong to not say those things he was supposed tobe saying.
“Four people, one massive kitchen and two bathrooms.The odds are against us, but I’m sure we can battle on to victory.”
Except it wasn’t just four people.
Turned out, in that one little house with fourbedrooms and two bathrooms there lived his best friend since before he couldremember who was awesome in many ways but sometimes very, very trying to live with,the girl who he was, very apparently, still harbouring a middle school-borncrush on in a very, very big way, his cousin who he’d sometimes like tothrottle with his bare hands and who he was also healthily terrified of, saidcousin’s sudden new boyfriend who stayed over more often than not and addedsome very unnecessary soundtrack to the house, said boyfriend’s early-twentiesfrom-out-of-country uncle who desperately needed a place to crash, and onehistory major with a rapidly growing inner anger problem.
Okay, so Tobias-the-boyfriend was a really sweet guywho was, as far as Jake could see, Rachel’s best taste in man yet. And Ax, his weirdly-younguncle, was a riot to be around and also genuinely nice and willing to help despite the odd culture clashes. But thatwas still six people living in onehouse and Marco couldn’t help, it seemed, but rag on Tobias which riled Rachelup even more which caused so much snipping and door slamming and petty paybacksit was a mix between April Fools and a badly written sitcom on any given night.And while Jake got grumbled at for not doing his dishes or leaving his smelly shoeseverywhere – which were, granted, very reasonable things to grumble about –nobody else seemed to be able to keep their shit to themselves, either, whichwas seriously getting on his nerves. He liked Cassie, he really did (more thanhe should, but he was working on that) but dear soul, the raccoon eyeballs inthe refrigerator… And six people used up a lot of hot water. And would eat alot of food normally, without Ax’s bottomlessstomach added to the equation. And there was squabbling for bathroom time andsquabbling about who had to buy what and pay for what and do what and whofinished what or forgot to do what and who had tests the next day and whobooked the television and
Jake was already up to his ears in Trying Not ToLose It the day he came home from a terrible, terrible test only to be shat onfrom a dizzy height by Mr Esplin From Upstairs who had to be an evilsupervillain or something because seriouslythat guy was a dick. And when hewalked in after Esplin was finally finished ripping his head off, chewing himup and spitting him out – and only because his cat had announced that it washungry – it was to find the place a mess, the mail he’d asked them pointedly towatch out for for him thrown away, all the food finished and the clean towel he’dmade sure went into the laundry load gone from the bathroom. Rachel’s light wason – the only other one home – and he was sure that it was her stealing hislaundry because that was a very Rachel thing to do.
Except the “come in” he received to his knock wasnot, in fact, her yelling “come in”and he had never closed a door that fast or wished to take a few seconds backbecause out of everybody in the world he didn’tever want to see doing that sort of sex, his cousin was probably top of thelist. And, apparently, top of other things as well.
Marco and Ax came home drunk and rowdy and by thetime they fell asleep Jake was so irritated he lay fuming at the ceiling forhours before he fell asleep. The next morning found him tired, dishevelled,starving, feeling icky with no clean towel to use so he could shower, andactually looking forward to the day of classes he usually hated, just so hecould get out the house without losing what little sanity he still clung to. Jakearrived in the living room to find Rachel and Marco yelling, Ax clutching adirtbin with vomit down the side looking green, Tobias kicking aside Jake’serrant gymshoes crossly so he could get closer to Rachel to stop her taking aswing at Marco and Cassie using his towel to mop up something Jake would rathernot ever inquire about.
And Jake lost it.
He wasn’t sure exactly what he bellowed, only thatthe tirade ended with, “We are settingdown rules!” and everybody staring at him with very wide eyes.
Nobody argued. Not even Marco. Not once.
And thus the Rule List was made, carefully writtenand rewritten until every one of the six was happy. The List was transferredonto a huge whiteboard bought that very afternoon, and life became one heck ofa lot more manageable in the four-bedroom-house-filled-with-six-people. Therewas, of course, still fighting and people breaking rules, but for the most partthe mechanics of them that had beenwritten as law on that whiteboard kept them smoothly functioning and sane. Ruleswere added and adapted as new situations arose, but it was an unspoken rulethat nobody was allowed to add anything petty.
Which was why Jake kept his mouth shut about therule that he really, really wanted to add to the board. As far as House Sinswere concerned, the nudity issue was very low on the list and it didn’t happenvery often and thus until he was sure it was actually a Problem, he wasn’t evengoing to bring it up.
Yes, Ax seemed to forget to wear clothes a lot morethan was possibly healthy but by the time he’d been living on their couch fortwo weeks Jake had already seen everything.Multiple times. From multiple angles. And it had lost its shock appeal; eventhe girls didn’t react any more and knew to always, always find Ax’s eyes firstand keep steady eye contact and not let anything, not even the usual subconsciouslook-around-while-talking habit, break said eye contact. He’d bathed with Marco enough times growingup and then had the usual teenage boy hijinks and the college freshmen hijinksand Marco in nothing but his outrageously themed briefs was just a thing oflife, by now. Tobias, thankfully, wore demur boxers and Jake couldn’t reallyargue with that. His cousin in her underwear… a little disturbing, but it wasstill fine. Until she was too lazy to even put that on when she needed abathroom break and Jake got glimpses of her streaking down the hallways. AndCassie…
She was shy by nature, which helped, but this was her house and there had been timesshe’d been late and looking for a particular item of clothing she wanted towear that day and so she’d come out of the room not-exactly-dressed to find itand he’d just… Tried not to stare. The operative word being tried. And then she started getting alittle bolder; started getting comfortable around thestarting-to-feel-like-a-family and he was really happy she didn’t feel as self-consciousabout her body because it was beautiful, even if there were love handles he could sometimes glimpse and other soft spotsand he just bet that the “wobbly thighs” she sometimes didn’t cover with morethan underwear would feel really supple and grab-able if he put his hands –
Seriously, I need us to have a no naked/half naked rule inour home. Immediately.
Jake had escaped to his room, leaving his breakfastbehind, and spent a few moments rhythmically beating his head against the wall,reminding himself that it was Cassie andhis attempts at subtly flirting had been turned down and there was the greatguy Ronnie from her class project that so obviously fancied her and, anyway,she was family and this was her house and he really couldn’t stoop lowand disgusting enough to not let her feel safe to walk around in a shirt andunderwear if she wanted to. Which, of course, she wouldn’t be allowed to do ifhe made the rule. And it would also mean that he couldn’t lounge around inboxers on a Saturday, which was seriously a very comfortable thing to do andsaved laundry and was great now that they’d reached the sweltering heat ofsummer in a house without air conditioning that was too muggy to even sleepunder sheets at night it was so hot and who was he to dictate that much oftheir lives? This was their home.They could be naked if they wanted to!
He just had to learn to stop looking and startcontrolling himself.
Of course, after having made that resolve andexiting his room to continue his breakfast, his glance into the living room hadhim see Cassie, having forgotten to close her bedroom door all the way,removing her shirt. Jake turned right back around silently and headed back tohis room to pace and war internally with himself.
Seriously, I need us to have a no naked/half naked rule inour home.
But he neededit. Nobody else did. And he only needed itbecause he thought he liked Cassie in a way that was more than just friends.Which was ridiculous, because it was just middle school feelings he was blowingout of proportion because he was single and he wanted somebody to love and shewas pretty and laughed at his jokes and kept him from freaking out and cookedreally well and knew how to make him feel better with just one squeeze on theshoulder and who let him watch the movies he loved and she obviously didn’t andstayed up late with him to study together when he needed to not fall asleep andwho listened to his quiet fears and shared hers with him and who was gorgeouson Saturdays when she spent the morning washing her hair and came out of thebathroom all mussed and still half asleep and like she was somehow waiting forpeople to comment about her afro and was just so genuinely happy when nobody did and had a hundred different smiles and whocouldn’t quite hide her blush as much as she thought she could and
Yeah. That hadn’t exactly helped the logic trainany.
He needed to plan, he decided as he continued topace, making a loop around the rays of sunlight in a vain effort to keep coolin the oven that was their house. One that got the most gain for the mostamount of people, even if it meant personal sacrifice. So which would be morebeneficial and less selfish? Asking the whole house to keep nakedness to theirpersonal bedrooms, or letting people do what the hell they wanted and having todeal with naked cousins and their half-naked best friends?
She’snot yours to look at. Her body has nothing to do with you, Berenson.
Mind finally made up about the topic, Jake decidedto take advantage of the empty house – he was the only one whose morning engagementhad been cancelled – and take a long, cool shower-swim before vegging out onthe couch with a ton of ice-cold cola and trying to beat Marco’s high score in Slenderman. He was in the bathroom,removing his boxers and wondering with irritation who had left the showerdripping, when the shower curtain suddenly opened.
He jumped. So did Cassie, standing in the tub. Avery naked Cassie standing in the tub. Both of them gaped at each other, frozenin shock and horror and disbelief, before Cassie’s eyes – involuntarily,reflexively – left his and flickered downfor a moment…
Jake spun around to face the wall, only realising asplit second later that she now had a wonderful view of the “pimpled moon sobright white it could blind Stevie Wonder all over again”, as Marco had put it.He wanted to die. He wanted to crawl right into the extra-large bag of DoritosAx had left on the coffee table and disappear into Wonderland or wherever thehell the bag led to that wasn’t there.
They seriously needed a no-nakedrule. And if it made him a raging misogynist he’d… get Rachel to set himstraight, okay. But until that happened they really, really needed the no-nakedrule.
“I’m sorry,” he stuttered, at thesame time Cassie squeaked something that sounded like an expletive. Heseriously hoped she was reacting to him being naked in the bathroom after she’djust taken a shower, and not the sight of his ass. Because he wasn’t narcissistic,but he still had feelings, okay. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think… I thoughteverybody was out… And I didn’t hear anything… I mean, I thought it was justbackdrip from somebody leaving the tap open… The door wasn’t locked,” hefinished, weakly.
“I didn’t think anybody else was here,” Cassie wailed, sounding muffledlike she had her hand over her mouth. Or like she was trying to strangleherself with the shower curtain. “My class got cancelled and I just assumed you’dleft already because nobody had seen you since breakfast and… Oh, my gosh…”
“I’m sorry,” Jake said again, faceflaming. “Um… I… I’m going to get dressed again but I need to… turn around… toget my clothes…”
“Right,” she said hurriedly. Therewas the sound of the shower curtain closing. “Right I’m… Uh… Yeah.”
“Yeah,” he repeated, before turningaround and hauling on his clothes quicker than he ever had in his life. “So I’mjust going to leave now.”
Jake’s vow to stay locked up in hisswealteringly hot bedroom the whole day until at least one of the othersreturned home so he didn’t have to be alone with Cassie was going swimminglyuntil he discovered that he really, really had to pee. There were no glasses orbottles or anything in his room he could even use and then discard later – and,yes, he was really that desperate to not ever have to see her again ever – so eventuallyhe had to admit defeat. Peeling his soaked-in-sweat shirt away from his chestto try to stop it grossly sticking to him so much – a war he’d been losing forthe past hour – Jake quietly opened his bedroom door and tiptoed down the hall, heading for the closer of the two bathrooms –
And running straight into Cassie,who was tiptoeing her way out of it. They collided hard, and his taller andbroader frame would have sent her sprawling had he not reached out to catch herinstinctively. And when his fingers curled around too much bare flesh he lookeddown and realised, with a little start, that Cassie was wearing nothing excepta sports bra and biker shorts, both very obviously gifts from Rachel if theirpink hue was anything to go by. He snapped his gaze back to her eyes and let goof her shoulders. They both laughed nervously, blushing furiously, and mutteredsome half-intelligible sentences before they managed to flee from each other.
He’d fully intended to just slinkback into his bedroom oven for an afternoon of baking and getting ahead in hisreading, but a small, tentative voice thrown at his back made him stop and turnat once.
“Jake? Um… It’s… um…” She had herarms crossed and was intently studying her fingers as they flexed against herarms. “It’s much cooler in the living room. I mean, our rooms face the same wayand mine is unbearably hot and I just assumed that you…” She glanced at hissopping shirt and sticking boxer shorts and he felt himself start to blushagain. “It’s much cooler in here,” she repeated, awkwardly. “So, you know…”
“Yeah,” he said, dumbly. “Um…Watching anything good?” he asked, just as awkward, shifting closer to the sofaand the flickering TV screen.
“Um, not really. Some new moviecalled The Host. Aliens inside people’sbrains, taking over their bodies and the world.”
“Okay,” Jake said, willing to agreewith anything right then.
It hadn’t been this mortifyinglyawkward to sit next to Cassie since they’d been thirteen and they’d sometimessat side-by-side on the bus rides to school. Usually, their silences werecomfortable. But everything in the air around them right then screamed tension and unease and everytime she shifted Jake would tense in shock, expecting some huge bomb of something to fall on his head. It madethings worse that she shifted to pull at her clothes, meaning that keeping hiseyes away from the two-piece of not-exactly loose-fitting material was a chore,to say the least. It wasn’t intentional,but he was the type to follow movements automatically and when she was so closeand kept doing it and he was alreadyon high alert because he felt so awkward… It wasn’t intentional, but his eyesstill went there. As they had that morning when she’d stood before him, totallynaked.
She had little lines on her hips.Stretch marks, he thought they were called. He wanted to trace them with hisfingers, make patterns out of them like a kid just discovering finger paint.They were fascinating and cute; like some of his friends described their partners’freckles or moles or whatever. There were greyish, ashen parts to her elbowsthat he’d never noticed before, and he wanted to ask if she’d hurt herself and ifhe could help because that didn’t look too good and oh, she had a smattering ofmoles on the left side of her ribs, like a small constellation of stars. Andthe cutest bellybutton he’d ever seen in his life. Could bellybuttons even becute? He wasn’t even sure what was so cute about it, just that he couldn’t stopstaring at it and feeling this warm shivery feeling in his chest that made himwant to lean over and just kiss it over and over and –
“I can change,” Cassie half-whispered,and he jumped, guiltily.
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just… laundry day.And everything not in the wash is winter. Which is why I’m wearing…” Shegestured to the outfit, almost as pink as it was by now and decidedly not looking at him. “But I can change. Ican… I’ll find something else.”
“No, no,” he said, hurriedly,stumbling over his words and they seriously needed a no-naked rule. “I… you don’thave to… I mean… If you feel like you want to then, yeah, sure, but I don’thave any problems with… it…”
Cassie stared resolutely at thescreen where the credits of the movie Jake hadn’t paid any attention to wererolling. “You were staring,” she said, almost swallowing the words as thoughshe wasn’t sure they were a good idea. “And I thought – ”
“I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m sosorry. I won’t – ”
“ – that you were a little, youknow, grossed out – ”
“ – do it any – Wait, what?” Hestared at her face, but she kept looking resolutely at the TV. “No. No. Cassie, not like that. No. I wasjust… You were pulling at it and the elastic was making a snapping noise and I’m…”He laughed, ruefully. “I’m a guy. I’ma stupid-brained guy who just… I’m so sorry.”
Cassie turned to face him, slowly,face puzzled. “You weren’t… staring like… you know…” Her hands were wringingtogether nervously, short-trimmed nails picking at each other. “The chubby girlis trying to wear a crop-top haha?”
Her voice sounded so small and resigned that Jake was suddenly as horrified as he had been findingher naked in the bathroom. “No. Notat all. Like, the opposite! I was – ”
Reason kicked in quick enough forhim to stop that sentence before it went anywhere. They met each other’s eyesand then looked away quickly, blushing and shy.
“So… we’re okay?”
“About this morning? Yeah. Although…I really am so sorry. About just barging in. I swear, I am knocking from now on.”
Cassie gave him a half-smile, stillshy but also… twinkling? And did she just glance down and then smile likeshe was remembering….? “It’s not a problem. I should have locked the door. But,um, I kind of meant… about the… this.” She gestured to herself. “Nakednessaround each other in general, I suppose?”
And, suddenly, that rule Jake wasthinking about implementing? It was suddenly not too important. Because Cassiewas looking at him and then at theway his shirt was sticking to him and something wild and exhilarating a lot likehope was bursting in his chest.
“Yeah,” he said, hoping he was blaséenough as he peeled off his shirt. And, yes, holy shit, she definitely looked. Like, looked looked. Oh. “We’re totally and completely cool. Although, um…” He wasstuttering again, words jumbling, nerve fading. The book of Things To Say ToCassie was still missing, and he felt its absence keenly. “Um… I’d still liketo… you know… make up for… earlier. Dinner, maybe?”
“Just you and me?” She was studying the pattern in Ax’s pillowcase very closely.
“Yeah,” he croaked.
“Okay. Yeah. I mean, yes. Thatwould be…”
“Great.”
“Yeah. Um… Thursday? We’re bothfree… I mean… I um, you’re always around Thursday evenings, I’ve noticed… kinda…”
“Thursday.”
She matched his grin, and he wassuddenly feeling guilty. Then the smile slipped.
“Oh. Um… Maybe we should…” Hisheart was beginning to sink. “Um… Not tellRachel?”
“Oh. Oh! No. Definitely not.”
And they went straight back togrinning at each other like idiots, both half-dressed on the couch while somenameless movie played and the summer baked around them.
