Tammy’s life 2.0
Begins today!
I woke up today with an abnormal amount of HOPE, ENERGY and EXCITEMENT about my life. I was eager to get my day started. I love this feeling compared to the lethargic depressed feeling I have been experiencing for the past couple months. I got up, planned my food for the day, and started this amazing day! Part of my mental wellbeing and taking care of myself is loving myself enough to make the time to prepare healthy foods....rather than allowing myself to make excuses as to why I should eat unhealthy options. When I do that I know where it leads me, to gaining weight which leads to self loathing which leads to depression. Since I am aware of these traits it is my loving CHOICE for my life and to my health to adhere to what I know will enhance my mood thereby creating a life filled with appreciation for who I am. Yes I know it sounds complicated perhaps, but it has taken me 50 yrs to come to the conclusion that I am an eating disordered person.....nothing is going to change that. So this is the hand I have been dealt so DEAL WITH IT LOL. I am ok with who I am today, and proceed just for today with compassion and empathy towards recognizing my addiction. Admitting you have a problem is half the battle, I have no problems doing that. Afterall how can we address what we have not acknowledged. I have recently discovered an amazing website its AMIHUNGRY.COM. It is an entire site with lots of links and info, quizzes, etc to raise your level of awareness. As an eating disordered person, I know that I do not know what true satiety is. I am not in tune with what true hunger is, I have grown up that way.....eating for many reasons OTHER than hunger. Such as social cues to eat, or seeing a commercial, or smelling a certain food....but that is not true hunger. I am reading an amazing book by Michelle May M.D. it is EAT WHAT YOU LOVE, LOVE WHAT YOU EAT (how to break the eat-repent-repeat cycle) which is helping me learn my true hunger cues and how to eat for nutritional purposes and nothing else. Food should not be a stress reliever, or fill some kind of emotional void, or numb the pain of everyday life, rather foods sole purpose is to provide NUTRITION to my body. PLAIN AND SIMPLE NOTHING MORE! How could I have gotten it so wrong for sooooo many years? It is just how I was raised, as most of us are. When you hurt yourself as a child they give you a cookie to stop crying, you get a shot at the drs office you get a sucker, your boyfriend broke your heart you drown your sorrows in a bucket of ice cream, ITS JUST WHAT WE DO. But there has come a point in my life where I don’t want to think about food 24/7. I want to be like a “normal” person hahaha whats that right?, and just eat to live, not live to eat! It is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting! My eating disorder has already robbed me of too much in my life. I will not take this obsession to my grave. I am a very strong, very smart, capable girl! I want something I have never had.......PEACE regarding food. Oh I will achieve it.....just you wait and see! Today starts day 1. Doing all the things I know I need to do. I have waited so long to feel this good about my food issues. Carpe Diem.....stay tuned....