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Geta: I don’t understand…how do these all mean different things?
Empress: the emphasis on the words being italicized changes the meaning of the sentence.
Geta: …how?
Empress: 🙄 you really cannot see the difference, anaticula?
Geta: on my fathers grave I cannot 😔
Empress: where is my wife?
Geta: she’s right here??
Empress: …
Geta: Oh. You didn’t mean—literally?
Empress: 🤦🏾♀️
Caracalla: I know the difference 👹
Geta: NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU !
(No thoughts head empty)
wait did I miss you talking about Antinous? plz talk about Antinous again
Haha, no you didn't miss me talking about anything! It's just that my current WIP is a fantasy novel which is also a Fake Academic Text about the Fantasy Romans, and two of the main characters are inspired by Hadrian and Antinous. The first couple sections are available on Patreon!
Facts about Fantasy Antinous:
His name is Anaticula, which means duckling. 😍
His critics/political enemies call him Anserculus behind his back, which on one level means gosling (because It Is A Beautiful Day In the Lausan Empire And You Are A Horrible Goose Twink) but also could be glossed more punfully as "goose-ass", presumably because he swings his hips like one.
They also call him Regulus ('little king') because, according to the poet/philosopher Faucian, “Lausa may be ruled by the emperor, but the emperor’s cock is ruled by his darling, Regulus.”
He is having his Hot Girl Summer road trip and it's causing problems for literally everyone. You will not believe how many people this is causing problems for.
Much like the canonical Hadrian, this emperor handles breakups the worst that anyone has ever done it, to wit: spends the rest of his life ugly-crying, commissions 2000 sculptures of said boyfriend, and sets them around the place like "he will live forever he will be immortal and you will all make offerings to him like a god". tbh we love to see a man destroyed.
what about calling Geta anaticula? 🤭
NOT ME SCREAMING
he hates it so much 🥰
#oi malfoy is that a duck mate??
PHONES
PHONES !!! 😭😭😭
Geta: how do I take a picture?
Empress: open the photo app
Geta: the what?
Empress: jfc. 🙄 *shows him the app*
Geta: shit! I locked my phone and can’t remember my password !! 😰😰😰
Empress: use face recognition or your fingerprint
Geta: use what???
Caracalla: bet his password is something stupid like 123456
Geta: …how did you know
(He’s not a fan of modern technology. Tf is a smart phone and why is a smart??)
what other basic/simple things would Geta not understand? Pls feel free to leave them in my inbox! 🤭
If he were alive in modern times he would not understand the process of changing a tire or anything that had to do with cars, and he wouldn’t understand the different gas grades either 😭
he would absolutely fill his car up with diesel fuel and then be confused why his car breaks down 💀
Geta: I don’t understand 😔 I put gas in my car like you said!
Empress: …what grade of gas did you use?
Geta: what?
Empress: …
Geta: I thought all gas was the same
Empress: dear god. Please don’t tell me you put fucking diesel in your car
Geta: is…that bad? 😰😰😰
Empress: YOU FUCKED YOUR ENGINE UP!
Caracalla: *snickering* idiot.
Geta: SHUTUP! how was I supposed to know??
At least he’s pretty !
*Geta & Caracalla FaceTiming*
Geta: how do I turn this bloody thing around?!
Caracalla: the arrows
Geta: what arrows?!
Caracalla: on the screen the arrows that look like to turnaround
Geta: what are you speaking of?!
Caracalla: there’s… *flash goes off* no you just took a picture
Geta: a picture?!
Caracalla: yes a picture
Geta: of what?! *huffs* where are these arrows?
Caracalla: there right there on the bottom right
Geta: *proceeds taking 20+ photos & abruptly ends the call on accident* WIFE!!!!!!!
Phones: 2 | Geta: 0
IKEA furniture vs modern!geta
Geta: *ditches the complicated ahh instructions bc he’s a man and who tf needs instructions anyway?*
Empress: did you finish building the bookshelf we bought?
Geta: yes! 😁👍🏻
Empress: and you followed the instructions?
Geta: 😁 yes! Why? Do I look stupid?
Empress: …
Geta: it’s good and sturdy too!
Empress: uh-huh. I’ll be the judge of that
Geta: what do you—
Empress: *leans against the bookshelf and the entire thing immediately collapses*
Geta: 😬 so…about those instructions…
Caracalla: my brother, he always lies!
Geta: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
